Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Unschooling: What Does it Look Like?

Finding information is easy.

It's understanding it that isn't. And without an external frame of reference, anything that isn't quantitative pretty much requires some kind of critically-thinking expert to provide feedback, else you develop in an echo-chamber.

I'm just skeptical that most unschooling parents (even those of kids here, who are certainly a different breed entirely from most) are capable of doing that for any particular need or interest.

I also have grave concerns about the "no rules" approach that is advocated as a lifestyle thing by radical unschoolers. One hears a lot of fuzzy words about "belief" and "faith" and sees a lot in the way of anecdote, but I'm suspicious. I don't think it is "coercive" in a bad sense if I prevent my daughter from burning the house down when I can see the potential outcome and she cannot. We have rules about the soldering station. Just saying.

I rapidly revised my notions that my daughter, as a tiny human, just "knew" what she needed when she arrived in the world. Clearly she didn't always know best, since she could readily have flung herself down the stairs while "exploring gravity." Her intensity means that she is sometimes downright DETERMINED to do things that we can see are horrible ideas, and occasionally she can't even really be reasoned with. Now a teen, she freely admits that she has been grateful to us for insisting (sometimes quite forcefully) that she learn or do particular things (or NOT do some others, for that matter).

I'm all for natural consequences-- by all means. It's how we parent, mostly. But that caveat is an important one. I do NOT believe in allowing permanent or irreversible consequences with no more intervention than "talking about good choices." Developmentally, children who lack full brain development are impaired decision-makers relative to adults who possess that development. I will take action to prevent some outcomes. Unapologetically. That includes safety issues and those that result in harm to others. It also includes those areas where my teen refuses to actually respect the gradually expanding boundaries-- such as a regular bedtime, etc. Those things exist for a reason, and my rules are NEVER arbitrary. But they are also not always up for debate from my teen, either. Just as traffic laws, for example, may inconvenience me personally, but it will do me little good to rebel.

That's real life, and it's something that I see too many radical unschooling families ignore rather shockingly. They are choosing for their kids. They are choosing to close the door to shared mainstream experiences, and shared social fabric. They are choosing to make an entire educational arc about what the child is AWARE matters, and that which the child determines is WORTH pursuing (probably with incomplete understanding at best). That is their choice as parents, of course-- but it seems to me that far too few of them acknowledge that they are making it as a choice FOR their children.



Here's the thing. If I had "no desire" to learn about the rules governing driving, nobody would "force" me to do so. Now, that would have consequences, of course, and as an adult (mature brain) I would have NO expectation that I could "catch up" to someone like my DH, who learned at 15 in one of the most challenging urban settings on earth.

Sure, I could "pick it up" at some point. But I can also see why such an outlook would be profoundly unwise living where and how I do. In an emergency is not the time. At 19 and 20, I lacked that understanding. My first in-laws actually pressured me to learn to drive-- gently, and I (foolishly) ignored them. I finally saw their logic when my spouse required an ambulance that wouldn't have been necessary had I had the ability to drive him to the hospital.

I'd have been much better off with a bit more pressure to learn a bit sooner. I just lacked the brain development to fully comprehend the consequences of that particular (ultimately immature and selfish) decision.

Should children be "coerced" into learning about human sexuality and contraceptive methods? I think so, yes. Because they NEED to have had a lot of time to process that information, and they need to be able to exercise informed decision-making a lot sooner than they THINK they will need it.



I've thought a lot about how audodidactism actually develops-- my DH and I both are extremely good autodidacts, in fact, but that process of being a relatively discerning consumer of information? DECADES in the making, mostly, while your brain develops and you develop well-honed critical thinking skills and metacognition.

I'd love to THINK that could develop without any intervention... but I know with certainty that it could not have with me-- and probably WOULD not have with my DH. I've seen a lot of college students who are in the process of developing it, and a few that thought they possessed it and did not.

Are there people for whom it can develop intrinsically and without external steering? I'm sure that there are. Perhaps for them, unschooling is a good idea. For most children, I have deep reservations. Recall that we wanted to like this approach. We just saw it failing with our own child.

I have come to believe that some kids are far better off having that sense of agency/autonomy challenged early and vigorously-- so that they WILL listen and seek assistance from experts. You do have to force some kids to accept that sometimes experts have earned authority for a reason.