It's fascinating to see everyone's responses to this. We are clearly in the minority. I think under different circumstances we would have done it differently -- I absolutely get the concerns that are being expressed. As it was, we weren't going to get away with not letting her know what the testing was for because she figured out it was an intelligence test and that it must be because she was stupid (that was the very loud complaint she made when we took her there).
She was hugely relieved to know that wasn't the reason for the test and ended up having a lot of fun taking it (great tester, really good rapport). She sat with us as we reviewed the high level results. This is more than one number, it showed areas where she was strong and ones where she was weaker. Mostly she was just happy to know there wasn't anything wrong with her.
That said, we did not include her in the discussion of the entire analysis or the educational advocacy meeting that came with the testing. The point was to REDUCE her stress and not add to it.
I think that part of the reason it seems to have worked out was that she was so young. I don't think she's latched onto her number, in fact the impact has faded over the years. She knows she's smart and that fact has both positives and negatives in her life. But she's also aware that she's not the only smart person or the smartest. And she's starting to learn the hard way that she still has to put in the work, just like everyone else.
As for feeling different, I don't know what to say except that we're all different and until we get a grip on how and why that is the case (I love music the way others don't, I'm obsessed with beauty, I have a knack for fixing and building things, etc.) we're not going to feel comfortable with our place in the world. DD has learned to appreciate the things that make people different. I was so proud recently when she said of a friend "she's not so interested in school, but she's an incredibly gifted actress and singer."
Still, I'm definitely in the 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' camp.
