bluemagic, I think your idea of taking your ds to an amusement park for his birthday is wonderful! The expectation that kids should spend their birthdays celebrating with friends is just a societal thing here in the US - think what a wonderful memory it can be for your ds to remember how his mom took him to the amusement park and he got to ride all the rides he wanted to, got to eat whatever he loves, and was just happy. It's 100% *a-ok* to do that without friends tagging along - in fact, think how nice it will be for *you* to have the day with your ds.
The other thing I'd do - *separate* from the birthday, is to start gently nudging him into inviting a friend here or there. Maybe start with a movie - those are the easiest thing (just my perspective, as the mom of a 14 year old ds who is still trying to navigate this same type of thing). Have him pick out a movie he wants to see, and then have him pick out a friend (or two friends if he wants) to ask, and have him ask. Offer up a reward if you need to, something to motivate him. Then take the kids and let him just do it and see that it will work out ok. I do believe that you can set something like this up and "make" him (in a gentle loving way) actually do it. It's not really any fundamentally different than the concept that you can tell him he has a chore to do - think of this as a chore that is building on a life skill.
One thing that's tough for my ds is actually asking kids - I don't know if this is tough for your ds, but fwiw I let my ds ask via email and that works ok.
Re family members expecting moms to be able to mindread - same thing happens here. I think part of the deal is - moms are more intuitive than men, so in a sense, we are the mindreaders. We're also the family members who typically have more of our heart and soul wrapped around the need for everyone's well-being. It's annoying and frustrating to have everyone expecting that you can read their minds, but otoh, it opens up an opportunity for you to plan and try to help by using your influence. The older our kids get, the less we're able to do that - so I'd not worry too much about how far past the age of whether or not you should be asking him what he wants to do etc, and just try to plan/do what you can.
Hope some of that makes sense!
polarbear
