This is my first post here, and I could really use some advice. We decided to have my daughter tested to enter Kindergarten a year early. (She will turn five in May.) So we jumped through all the hoops and did this and that. She finally got to take the test about six weeks before school started. Two weeks later, the person from the school board called and said she did extremely well and the school psychologist who administered the tests felt that she was definitely mature enough the start kindergarten. But, she said, they should not have allowed her to take the tests because state law says she is too young to enter school. I thought the whole conversation was odd. It lasted almost a half hour, but I won't bore you with the details. So I called the state board of education and asked them. They said it's a regional decision. I called the board back and she said she would see what she could do. Four days before school we were notified that she could go.

Let me back up and say that our preference would have been to start our daughter next year in a gifted program and let it be. But where we live, there are no gifted programs at all until the third grade, even in the private schools. Also, our school is a "failing" school. Really failing. Badly. We live in a poor neighborhood so I convinced myself that it's not the school's fault.

We were told at the beginning that the principal and board decided not to tell the teacher our daughter's age or why she was in school so early. I thought that sounded like a bad idea but I'm no expert. It was a bad idea. She obviously knew how old our daughter is and it was obviously a problem for her. The teacher told me on the first day of school that she prefers parents wait and put kids into kindergarten at six instead of five. On the morning of the fourth school day, the principal stopped my husband when he dropped our daughter off to tell him that there were "major issues" with our daughter emotionally. She had spent a total of 17 hours at school and they had already diagnosed her.

So we had a meeting. We learned something important at that one: every time they start talking about her lack of social skills, we ask about academics. She is ahead of her class, and many of her classmates are two years older because they are encouraged to delay school. We have been chastised for her lack of interest in art, and I asked why that is more important than her ability to add in her head. We are constantly told she doesn't have friends when she does - she is certainly picky about her friends, but she does have them. We are told that she cries a lot. I believe that, but I don't understand it. She does not cry at home. She is increasingly insecure at school, and I can't help but to think that it's because of the attitudes of her teacher and principal.

We have asked her if she wants to stay in kindergarten. She knows she started early and that it's okay to go next year. But she is adamant that she stay. She was actually bitten by a dog and got 20 stitches and insisted she be allowed to go to school the next day. She loves it. But she has also asked me why her teacher doesn't like her. And I have seen her teacher treat her badly. We had a parent day, and the kids were on the playground, and I was listening to the teacher tell me how our daughter doesn't play with other kids - while she was playing with other kids. She came to us, upset, and the teacher said, "Here we go again" and walked away. (She was pushed by another student and hurt her head, but to the teacher that is evidently unimportant.) When we were leaving that day, the teacher said to me, across a classroom filled with kids and parents "You know she will be bullied in high school." I said, "Let's worry about kindergarten right now." And I left.

We have another meeting next week. This one will be with the teacher, the principal, and the woman from the board. I debate requesting a teacher change; I doubt it would help. I debate how much to confront the teacher; every time we have in the past it seems that she retaliates through our daughter. I debate pulling her out of school and moving so we can put her into gifted classes with kids her age (we have applied to the gifted program in Chicago and are waiting for our test date. We have no problem moving but would rather not.) I wonder if we should ask the board for a school transfer. Maybe if she went to a school with fewer challenges things would be better for her?

It's just really disheartening. I'm at a loss. This post has been way too long but I haven't even mentioned a quarter of what's happened. This should not be so hard. Please share any advice you have! My husband and I are beating our heads.