HowlerKarma - your DD sounds like my ds7. That's how he is. Though, I think he swings from being insecure to being overconfident at times.
I think not knowing how unusual you are can be good, but I take your point about perfection or the lack of external rubrics. These kids tend to flip and meltdown if things don't come out exactly perfect on the first go or as they anticipate.
I've been drumming into ds7 to try hard to keep his expectations low, like rock bottom low, at times - or more within reality. That way, I said, you'll be so happy when things/situation exceed your expectations or when things work out better than you anticipate. I like to think this has helped to some degree.
It's hard though some days. No one seems to be so excited about x, y, z as ds7 is and, at times, it's starting to dawn on him. I think he'd be so over moon to share a conversation with someone who is also so excited about x, y, z. And that's where it can be challenging. Not to mention about not 'clicking' with anyone on a personal level.
Kristine Barnett specified this difficulty in her book, The Spark, with her autistic/prodigy son, Jake. She said that she needed to find someone to truly capture his imagination, to encourage him, to challenge him. Jake was starved for a conversation with a scientist/mathematician and someone more on his level. He had to go to college early because it was the only place where he could get a sense of enjoyment, an excitement, that felt like play and where he belonged and could be accepted.
