oh, wow, Bluestar - i feel like we have the exact same kid! i'm so glad i found you all.
we have definitely decided to move schools - the independent school where she is currently enrolled is a total disaster for her and we've been shut out by the administration and teachers completely. i had a fantastic conversation with our neighbourhood school principal (of all places?!) who told me his plan for my kid included carefully selecting the teacher (and kids) she would be with each year. i am still in shock...
i have no idea if this will help enough to make her stop wanting to quit school, but it does feel miles better than what's happened this year. we, the parents, are making this decision, but we did ask our kid to make lists of her pros/cons about changing schools, and what might be different/same in each environment. i think it really helped her feel some level of control over her experience.
we also started actively talking to her about the limitations of school and how it might never meet her needs completely, and we've asked for her ideas on how we can make up the difference as a family. she came up with some great stuff and she does seem more at ease since we had a brass-tacks conversation with her about it all.
i would homeschool or follow the online curriculum in a heartbeat if i didn't also have to pay the mortgage (hee) - although since i work from home, something tells me we may head in that direction as she gets older and can be more self-directed. as you say, requiring a kid to actually work hard when they generally don't have to is quite a challenge, isn't it!
