I agree with momtofour. Leaving the pace entirely in the child's hands can be problematic when they're not fully aware of their own capabilities, selling themselves short, and not believing in themselves. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy... not believing in themselves, they don't seek challenge, and failing to seek challenge, they fail to achieve anything significant, which validates the original lack of belief.
What they need then is for someone to recognize the disconnect between ability and outcomes, give them a metaphorical shove, and through much kicking and fussing, see them through the delivery of a notable success. This success then negates the original lack of belief, and fosters a newfound confidence which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy in the other direction... believing in themselves, the children seek out challenges, and overcome these challenges, which reinforces that belief.
Very well said. I agree. I could have used a metaphorical shove! I was also guilty of thinking my dd12 was happy enough and challenged enough. Explore results were the first clue. She since skipped 6th grade and is still earning above 95% in honors classes.
