My son sounds a lot like yours, and although we don't have a diagnosis of Aspergers, he has many of the traits.
As to homework, have you asked for modifications? We have a modification that allows him to do less problems in math, alternative assignments, late acceptance etc., and it has really helped with the homework battles. There are also nights that he comes home wiped out, stressed out, and I make the call that I am not pushing the homework and let him unwind on Minecraft. Then on the weekend, we spend a bit of time and catch up on missing work.
The nurses know him well, as he gets physical symptoms of anxiety that he doesn't recognize as such. They have learned to walk him through what happened right before coming to their office and then make suggestions about whether his symptoms could be from anxiety because of what he shares. Once he is able to identify it as anxiety, he is usually able to process that and go back to class.
We have yet to get a real IQ out of any testing and will try once more this semester to get I'm qualified for gifted with modifications. Do you have a similar option there? If so, you can appeal to the administration (at the district level) and request alternative qualifications due to his diagnosis. That is what we're doing. Each teacher wrote a letter requesting the gifted placement, documenting anecdotal evidence of his high IQ. They are now all in his file and will be weighted with his scores instead of scores only.
I wouldn't want to homeschool despite how tough it is at school, as I think the socialization is vital for him. Learning to cope, interact with others, follow directions - those will impact him significantly as an adult. He'll learn on his own (he devours online MIT lectures), but he can't learn the social skills that are so difficult for him without being in situations that challenge him. So, I have accepted less than stellar grades and attendance in exchange for his learning to cope.
