We parent very much in the way that Dude's family does.
Pragmatically, this may be because our DD's personality is similar to their kids' but I can't say for sure.
We do some push-parenting. We do not do much in what would be considered true "hothousing" however. The only ways in which we hothouse are those related to safety and health needs which are also not age-appropriate or normative. I think that few parents would argue that a child with life-threatening food allergies needs to cultivate superb reading skills fairly young, and exert beyond-age-appropriate impulse control.
On the other hand, we set boundary conditions and allow DD to do as much or as little as she pleases (and with whatever dedication she chooses) within that space.
It's not manipulative, however. We don't use manipulative strategies with our DD because she is a master manipulator herself and needs no help getting better at it, or learning that this is a normal/healthy way to interact with others.
DD seems to need a fairly large degree of push to get her out of her comfort zone-- and she isn't extrinsically motivated-- so we can LOOK like really hard-core push-parents. But the difference is that we're focused on participation, not performance.
PS. I'm pretty sure that Tiger Mother's real message is far less about "Chinese" parenting (either PRC or American-immigrant) than it is about "first-generation-American-immigrant parenting" which is stereotypically characterized by high levels of parental sacrifice, pretty much superhuman work-ethic/drive on the part of parents (who are immigrants) and children who are both showered with opportunities, and pushed as hard as required to take FULL advantage of those opportunities. Naturally, this results in a disproportionate number of academic successes, as this group of children is prodded, guilted, and coerced into putting forth 110% as payment for their parents' sacrifices.
It's not necessarily a story about push-parenting or nurturing, per se.
I also don't tend to think that it's about nurture versus nature as much as it might at first appear, either. Because when you think about it, immigrants who manage to succeed enough to parent that way (against substantial odds) have to be pretty darned bright themselves, opportunity and development of academic skills aside. I'm thinking that most of the Chinese immigrants that I've known (and I've known quite a few, working in higher ed) have been among the top 3% among CHINESE families, in terms of ability and affluence.
