As it was put "Well we can't stop you from working at home with him since you are his parent." The principal also challenged me to, as a parent, to step back and let them do their jobs and teach DS.
Hope you don't mind me being highly annoyed at that principal?
No way! At least I know that I am in good company in my own annoyance. I must say that my jaw almost dropped open in shock when I heard him say that. Isn't that the opposite of most schools claim to want?
So this is just my own take on it, so take everything I say with a grain of salt! But.. fwiw.. I have quite a few friends who are teachers, and I've also been on the receiving end of similar comments from school staff while advocating for my 2e kiddos. I think there are two things that teachers want when they view parents. First, teachers really *do* want involved parents - there are so many parents that aren't involved in their children's education, and it's not just parents who are working 8 jobs or strung out on drugs etc... sometimes it's very well-educated parents who simply turn everything over to the schools or perhaps are not terribly involved in their children's lives. Teachers want to have parents who are involved, who stay in touch, who know what's going on at school, and who care enough to be sure their children do their homework etc.
Then there's the other thing that I've noticed with my friends (and with teachers we've encountered when advocating). Please know that if you're a teacher reading this, I am not saying it's a bad thing - but it can be frustrating when you're a parent. Teachers are the experts at teaching - I have no doubt about that. They are also much more knowledgeable than I am about educating large groups of children with varying needs. Sometimes teachers feel like parents are trying to tell them how to do their job when really it's just a parent who cares and is trying their best to advocate for their child.
There's also a third aspect to this that you won't encounter unless you're dealing with 2e and the IEP process later on, but in our district it's basically set up where the school expects it to become contentious... so that's another thing that can impact what's going on behind the scenes.
Anyway, I do believe teachers and principals in general really do know what they are doing and are trying their best to meet the needs of the children they teach. OTOH, you are THE expert on your particular child - that's what parents are, and that's really important to not lose sight of when advocating.
It's hard not to get frustrated with comments like these, but what I do is to just take them for what they are and laugh about it, then get your facts/etc together and gather your energy and go back for the next round of advocating.
One other thing I'll add - there are different ways math is taught in school - apparently a lot of different ways. Our dd10 is enrolled in Kumon after school because she ran into a brick wall with math (she is much more into LA) and fell behind. Her school is very supportive of Kumon and other outside-of-school tutoring or enrichment or whatever. They also offer differentiated math. She's getting help at school. She was learning how to do long division at school and Kumon at the same time. She was also melting down at home whenever she had to do school work or Kumon work that involved division. DH and I were about to jump off a cliff at all the drama and moaning... so we just sat her down one day during our holiday break, showed her how we were taught to do long division, and had her repeat it over and over again until she got it (don't worry -she's not dysgraphic and has no LDs... so we weren't torturing her in ways we shouldn't have lol!)... and she did get it - after an hour or so she understood how to do long division our way (traditional way), and was able to finish all of her work and was working along happily in Kumon through the rest of the holiday break. The day she went back to school, she did a long division problem our way and.. oh my.... her teacher was sooo not happy with us. Probably still isn't happy with us! But - she *is* a great teacher, really. She just wants the students to not get confused, and wants to teach in the linear path she's got set up to teach the curriculum in. I think sometimes we just aren't going to find a perfect fit for our kids, and we can't expect not to hear some comments like that from school staff. I'm guessing if the principal heard the conversation played back, he'd probably say he didn't mean that he didn't intend it to sound like it does.
Best wishes,
polarbear
