For me, part of accepting that one's child is unusual is accepting that what the school does really is appropriate for most kids. (I am still occasionally surprised that normal, bright 5th graders stumble in reading a word. But they do.)

We found those early years very difficult; there seemed no way to get DS10 what he needed, as it was so far out of the norm. But it became easier and easier to get differentiation as we went along.

DeeDee