Yale has a student orchestra that tours the world
http://yso.research.yale.edu/history/index.php . Given two students with similar grades and test scores, why not admit the
superb musician? You said that a student who scores well on the SAT "cold" is more impressive than a student getting the same scores after much preparation. By the same logic, a student who can get good grades and test scores AND be a good musician AND be a good athlete AND win a science competition is more impressive than a student who only has good grades and test scores, because the former student was likely able to get the same academic results in less time and therefore had more time for extracurriculars.
I think you've pretty well summed up why it's not enough anymore to simply have high test scores for a lot of college admissions and certainly for the vast majority of merit scholarships.
Colleges and Universities aren't just trying to teach students to be able to score high on tests these days, they're trying to put out a finished product that not only has the book knowledge but the life experience to be well rounded and prepared to be an attractive recruit into a global marketplace. A well rounded high school experience of extra curricular activities and experiences that might involve music, sports, leadership, volunteerism, travel, religion, etc. is evidence to many colleges and universities that a candidate is more than just a student, they have a balance of mind, body, and spirit and already shown evidence of preparation for a well rounded and productive life after college.
I think most parents are after the same goal, to prepare their child to be a well rounded, happy, and productive member of society and often sacrifice much in order to help their children to get there. That intention is ALWAYS admirable. Are some over zealous to the point of doing too much? Likely yes. Is it your job to determine what that point is? Hardly. We likely each know our children better than anyone else. You raise you children as you see fit, let other parents raise their children as they see fit. If someone has over parented to the point of creating damage, it'll show up pretty quickly once they reach college and that scholarship will open up for someone more suitable.
