Hear, hear, Grinity!!
Bostonian, I have seen so many extremely informative posts from you (thanks!!!),
I think you know a lot more about this stuff than I do, but at least we and I think many other people join DYS because their kid is having trouble in school (and maybe later because of the scholarship possibilities). We joined because DD had a horrible school experience this past year and we were trying to get some positive labels to go along with all the negative ones the school helped to get for her
She is an only, but regardless if we hadn't had this particular issue or if we lived in an area that had more schools and people that understood gifted we probably wouldn't have joined just because there wouldn't have been an apparent benefit. No offense to Davidson, of course!! We are very grateful for the help they have offered, including this forum and their wonderful database of articles, etc.--just that from a practical standpoint, in our experience I don't think it has actually made any practical difference for DD yet.
My own parents despite their many missteps were always very good about not treating my sister and me differently, and now that I am a parent of a 'challenging' only I can't imagine how difficult that must have been at times.
I believe you are a very thoughtful person and am sure you will come to the best possible decision for your family, whatever it may be. Remember that you can only make the best decision at the time it has to be made with the information you have! It's not fair to second-guess yourself when you are doing your best!
Best of luck,
Dbat
