Ooof! I've so been there...It does get better. My daughter still doesn't like transitions but she copes much better. 5 was probably the worst, but by 8 she's an angel (mostly!) Some things that worked for me...
* shove protein into child's mouth as soooooon as you get them into the car after pick-up; don't even allow them to talk until they've eaten something;
* dump time-outs and consider alternative discipline methods like 1-2-3 magic. This worked OK for us, but you've got to tap into the child's currency.
* break the cycle by interrupting the routine. Catching the bus for a week broke the habit of getting into the car after pick up and storming all the way home.
* increase physical exercise after school so that the child has a way of healthy processing all of their pent up frustration. School can be a very frustrating place to be! My daughter needs at least 2 hrs of exercise a day after school, sometimes more... Gymnastics/diving/acro/bike riding ... are all great for this.
And give yourself a break! This too shall pass...
Yeah, we attempt the food thing, but have been lax lately. Time to get back on that train.
I think next year will be better. He's in a full-day preschool this year (for childcare purposes). Next year, he's attending 4k in Wisconsin, but it's a half day program. I'll be able to monitor how much he's eating at lunch (most days he wolfs down a few appealing items and then hurries off to play), and then make sure he sleeps. He HATES to nap, but really needs it. They have an hour "rest" time, but it's not really enough.
The physical activity thing is a valid point. They get a lot of large motor time at school, but more is never a bad idea. Now that spring has finally sprung, I can at least send him out into our little back "yard" (aka dirt patch) to dig a hole or something while we make dinner. Kid loves diggin' holes. We just got in the habit of NOT going outside because it was a long, seriously cold winter this year. I think we had one day above zero during the month of January.
I know the time-outs aren't working, and I do need to find something else. I mostly just want him to go sit on his bed because we both need a break... but getting him to stay there causes us both more frustration.
