I shed a lot of tears but ultimately, we couldn't deny one of the boys the opportunity to accelerate and learn at his own pace. He was an outlier in kindergarten in a way his twin was not and it's inconceivable that we would have denied him the opportunity.
I think that this is what it all boils down to...if a sibling, twin, identical or otherwise, has needs that the other sibs just don't have, then it's fine for the one with the needs to get the special program, even if it's a private school that costs the family a ton of money that can't be spent on the othert kids. If the difference is 'real' then everyone in the family will be aware of it to some degree, no matter what the test scores say.
If the children are essentially 'the same' with regard to their learning needs, then, even if the tests say otherwise, it's not ok to let one into a program but not the other, even if that's what the school wants to do. Most identical twins will have very similar levels of IQ unless there was environment influence on one that didn't affect the other. Having different temperments that lead to IQ being difficult to show is quite common, although the difference is usually small. As parents we try and figure out our children's strength and weaknesses, and find environments that will help each child develop the best outcome for that individual child. We believe that environment matters, otherwise we'd just leave all our kids in the regular educational system. But we see kids who 'overcome' poor fit environments on a regular basis. Life is quite complicated, and none of us has crystal ball, or knows all the variables in even one situation - still we step into the future, doing the best we can with what we know at the time.
Smiles,
Grinity
