If it were me, I'd probably send the teacher an email with your conclusions about what happened. Then seek the teacher's advice for dealing with a tendency to not listen and/or shut down when a mistake has been made. That way, you can re-frame the issue for the teacher.
As far as the perfectionism thing goes, we struggle with that, too. I agree with Dude that involvement in sports and music is very helpful. It has allowed my DD to focus on the effort and the process more than the end result. She knows she is improving over time and so mistakes along the way are not such a big deal.
We also try to model anti-perfectionism and stress that, if you aren't making mistakes, you aren't learning.
It isn't always easy, however. Just yesterday, DD was crying because she hadn't done as well on a computer math program as she had done previously. When I tried to stress that it wasn't such a big deal, she started talking about the single gifted kid from her class who is ahead of her in math.
I have noticed that she is okay making mistakes as long as she still believes herself to be the best in the group (whether it is true or not). If she believes anyone else can do something better than she can (again, whether it is true or not), she is upset. My philosophizing about how every person has different gifts, etc., falls on deaf ears. Gaah!
