yes yes and YES polarbear!
She was having a TERRIBLE time at school and the writing problems like you describe. Especially the guided writings. If she liked the topic, she could go on well, but she usually found them uninteresting. The drawing also, like you're saying about your son she has incredible attention to detail. She did some writing the other day that blew me away and when I asked about it, she basically said how long it took her because she had to concentrate. She often holds items like cups, silverware and pencils *differently* than the other kids and has a strange way of forming letters (from the bottom up).
We are on a home study program, which has really been a miracle for her. She has an optional 3 hour class day and lots of clubs and opportunities to socialize. At home we can keyboard to our heart's content and she actually handles more difficult tasks with writing well when I put out a timer. The timer also rerminds me to not nag her, but give her some time to work things out. I don't really care if she has sloppy handwriting, plenty of adults do too and that is not really a "grade".
We tried in vain at our old school to get any accomodations, but they only wanted to discuss Butter's "behavior problem". Our new "school" is very different, but I also have to think ahead to the time when she might go back to "regular" school. I also want appropriate accelerations maybe a whole grade in this particular set up. The writing issues, etc are more easily addressed in the home.
We do have a neighbor who is an OT and interested in Butter, so we might be able to work something out with her. We have the same issue you are describing with the school and OT...we are also in the middle of open enrollment for our health care plan, so we might be able to get that consult with the developmental ped after all...
This new school has really made a HUGE difference for all of us, so that's great and we are planning to leave her there at least two years, though they do go through 12th...and she is playing guitar and violin and taking 3 hours of art on Friday, so I think all these things are contributing to a more positive school experience and helping in a way we would have never got at our old place...
re your last paragraph, again YES! it's actually that our state is 46 of 50 in terms of how they handle the standards. We have low standards
but also, the former school was on the verge of closure and last year, the focus had really changed to "teaching to the test" which I see now was so incredibly PAINFUL for my child, who needs to explore topics, not just throw facts back. They spent so much time trying to get the low performing kids to minimum levels, there was no time left to address individual needs, like we were told they would.
