do a search on the nurtured heart approach, I wish I had found that when my DD was 10.
My DD often used to complain that we were yelling at her - even when we were speaking with a calm voice. She finally explained to me (at age 17) that when she says yelling, she means coming down on her/hurting her feelings/being condescending/making her feel bad/etc. She didn't have a word for it but it was affecting her as if we were yelling. I.e even if I said something like "why haven't you cleaned your room yet when you have been told 5 times to do it?" She would get upset and say she had been yelled at. We recently found out she has AS and ADD, so maybe this was affecting the way she perceived anything negative directed at her.
