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    indigo #203489 10/15/14 03:11 PM
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    Originally Posted by indigo
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    I wouldn't even call this bullying yet, at this age, just a child with a lack of social skills acting out
    Although some might say that acting out would tend to occur in interactions with various children, therefore form a pattern which in general may be noticed by the teacher. From the OP, it appears the perp's actions may be directed at one child, who may be targeted for the aggression. Additionally the perp may choose his timing so that his aggressions remain covert, characteristic of deceit/manipulation.
    And, though not coming down one way or the other on this specific case, I will point out that antisocial behavior patterns have as much predictive accuracy as intelligence at age 3. (In a fifteen minute playground observation.) That is, the relational profile is as stable from age 3 to 16 as measures of intelligence are. (Not very stable, but somewhat.) Prosocial/antisocial skills become stable at about the same age as intelligence, too (around age 8-10), meaning that antisocial behavior patterns become entrenched and largely intractable to treatment around the end of third grade. (See the work of Hill Walker.)

    Thus the lack of teacher intervention in the behavior/lack of social skills of the aggressor is extremely significant in the developmental trajectory of that child, and their likely future isolation from prosocial peers.


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    I was on a tablet last night and couldn't type ...

    but I wanted to say go with your gut, at the end of the day, do you trust this teacher to care for your child in a way that makes you feel comfortable? Bullies will pop up everywhere, no point changing school to avoid the bully, but you do need to have competent adults in charge.

    So if you don't have confidence in the teacher, the answer becomes a lot clearer

    Mahagogo5 #203499 10/15/14 05:23 PM
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    Little kids to mean stuff sometimes. They don't always mean to harm the person(they may be being friendly in their mind) but they are not able to see things from other perspectives. So under four I wouldn't use words like bully.

    BUT: that is the reason pre-schools have a lower student/teacher ratio. It is their job to notice, redirect and help the child develop better skills.

    One thing my kids were both taught was to hold out their hand palm facing forward and say in aloud, firm voice "STOP, I don't like that. This attracted the teacher's attention and warned the other child. If the situation resolved at that point no intervention was required, if not the teacher had had time to get there.

    Last edited by puffin; 11/25/14 01:52 AM.
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    We had a pre-k bully issue. A girl who was very very socially facile, bullying beyond her years, targeted my kiddo. By Spring the girl had come up with a nasty song about my kid.

    We left the school.

    The teachers were bad. I couldn't believe how clueless they were. We had a 'come to Jesus' meeting toward the end of the year and it was disheartening to see how they had missed so much of what was going on.

    I remember one day my kiddo was so anxious and the teacher had such dead snake eyes when she made eye contact plus the bullying I knew was going on, I wouldn't let him go to school. I just took him home.

    So, imo if it's daily, repeated targeting, you leave the school asap and you make sure the school board knows why. Somebody needs more training.



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    Thank you everyone, for your comments. We were out of town for a bit and just got back.

    We have talked with DS about standing up for himself and have discussed the instigator with his teacher. I have broached the subject of changing schools with my hubs, but he doesn't think it is necessary. Also, the area we live in is very competitive with pre school admissions. It takes a long time to get acceptance, most have waiting lists. Please don't think this is an accuse not to change schools, I am just giving you all and idea of what we are dealing with. None of the schools listed on Hoagies is in our area.

    Monday I will talk with his teacher again. See what is being done about the situation. Maybe we can move DS to another preschool class? He is in the younger 4's class, they have an older 4's class.

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    amielynn38- for the future (not a solution to your immediate problem), consider taekwondo. DS was in preK when he started and is now nearly eight. It helps with bullying by teaching kids how to appropriately stand up for themselves.

    I think it helps DS (he has a bully at school right now too) know that he doesn't need to be physically afraid. The words hurt too, but it's awful to feel physically fearful.

    Bullying is sure rear it's head again-- and can feel just as bad (or worse) later than it does now.

    Also, I wanted to mention that DS did/does beautifully around younger kids. I know people get concerned about academics, but I wouldn't sweat that too much in preK, when you can easily cover the bases at home. DS loved (still loves) the sillier games that younger kids play, and he likes to "help" which he can do when he's playing with someone younger.

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    Thanks cammom. We called a Taekwondo place last week. We are going to check it out soon. I think it will help tons. Specifically with the self esteem issues. Hubs and I are going to talk to the teacher on Monday and the administration thereafter to see about moving him into the older class.

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