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    Originally Posted by Val
    Umm. Trying to say this gently. Feel free to disagree with me loudly.

    The "Do you brag?" thread was a big discussion about how other people can get wound up if we talk about our kids and traits they were born with. Some people felt it was unfair to judge a gifted child negatively for traits he was born with.

    It seems to me that some of the posts on this thread cross (way over) the line and are looking down on other children for the way that they were born. I don't think we want to come across as looking down on others (?), yet I think this thread is doing just that.

    This is just my two little pennies dropping quietly onto the table of discussion.
    Yes. Thank you. Not every child is gifted--but every child is a gift--even if that child's IQ is at the other end of the bell curve.

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    Originally Posted by Dude
    As for the self-soothing...

    We decided to let DD do the cry-it-out method at around 4-5 months, in an attempt to help her sleep through the night. It was right about the time where she would cry in the night, we'd come to her, and find that what she wanted was to play, so we were trying to teach her that bedtime was for sleeping.

    DD would scream, someone would come in, check to see that she's not injured/hungry/cold/wet/etc in a very no-nonsense way, then give her a kiss and say good night again. She'd continue screaming, and eventually we'd pop in for the same drill... nothing wrong, okay, good night then. And if there was an issue, then again we'd address the issue in a very no-nonsense way... no playing or chatting, just resolve the situation and put her back to bed. The message was twofold: we hear you, and we'll take care of you, but now is not the time to play.

    This made for a couple of weeks' worth of VERY long nights, but the peace it won for us afterwards was worth every minute and more. It transformed the entire household. Everyone was better rested, felt more positive, and enjoyed each other more.
    I'm glad this worked for you, but it does not work for every kid. My dd was pulling her hair out when we attempted this. Literally. Our household also became much more peaceful when I decided to trust my instincts and understanding of my kid rather than other people's expectations.

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    Originally Posted by Cricket2
    Not to sidetrack too much, but FWIW my dd wasn't wanting to play in the middle of the night. She was crying inconsolably. Even when we co-slept, which we did until she was 18-22 months, she woke up every 30 mins crying. I spent much of her first two years nursing her, carrying her around at night trying to get her to stop screaming in my ear, etc.

    Letting her cry alone in a crib led to the same kind of crying coupled with panic literally from the time I put her in the crib until the sun came up. Going in to check on her did nothing to calm her down. She just got more hysterical that I wasn't holding and comforting her.

    I was exhausted for much of her baby and toddler-hood but, in hindsight, I don't regret it at all. I think that she had very high attachment needs and am glad that I was able to be there for her. We have a very strong relationship now.

    Wow--this sounds so much like my dd! And ITA with your last sentence. Mine was very good at communicating those needs, too, lol!

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    Originally Posted by Val
    It seems to me that some of the posts on this thread cross (way over) the line and are looking down on other children for the way that they were born. I don't think we want to come across as looking down on others (?), yet I think this thread is doing just that.

    Gifted babies are alert, especially exceptionally gifted ones. This difference between typical infants/children and gifted ones is probably due to faster brain development. This doesn't make them better, just different.

    Describing a biological fact around others experiencing the same phenomenon is wonderful for those that have no other forum to discuss this in. My husband and I have had numerous doctors, relatives, teachers and friends comment on our son's differences in relation to other children. It can make you feel very alone. I loved how this thread allowed me to relate to others experiencing the same thing. I love that there is a forum where discussing this is acceptable.

    I would hate for the freedom of speech allowed by this forum to be subverted by some idea that we need to be extra-sensitive to those with non-gifted children. In real life, that's all I do--constantly filtering my speech--and frankly, I need some breathing room. I need a place where I can hear that other people relate to me.

    If that means some people are offended, so be it.

    From what I've seen of life, most people believe their kids are the best, whether they are gifted or not. Every parent looks for the ways their children stand out. If this was a forum about athletically gifted children, there would be some parent discussing how their child stood out from all the "clumsy, uncoordinated children".
    I'm sure some parents would find that offensive.

    Some people *like* to be offended and that's their problem, not mine.

    I mean, really, how dare we talk freely about our gifted children on a gifted forum.
    <>










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    Originally Posted by annette
    I mean, really, how dare we talk freely about our gifted children on a gifted forum.
    <>

    The point wasn't that you were talking freely about your gifted child, which is a big part of what this forum is about. The point was that you and others made nasty remarks about other people's kids. I'm not sure why someone would want to do that, or why remarking that maybe it isn't very nice results in segues about restricting free speech.

    "All the other babies had these glazed looks."

    compare with

    "All those gifted kids are so totally weird. They think they're better than the rest of us."

    Many people here have had to suffer remarks like this one and they can be very hurtful! Many also commiserate over them here and we discuss how mean-spirited remarks like this are. So why should we make the same kinds of remarks about other people's babies or toddlers?

    or try

    "People who make nasty remarks about the way some children are born are saying more about themselves than they are about the people they're belittling."


    Last edited by Val; 02/17/12 09:28 PM. Reason: Clarity
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    This thread, like the one I started about bragging, began with very good intentions. As parents of gifted children, we've all realized in that in many ways our children had unique qualities early on. But to start calling children who are not gifted subhuman, totally weird, glazed... I can't help but think it's to be provocative. And I don't get that.

    I'm not gifted.

    I also doubt I was subhuman as a baby. Or maybe I am simply deceiving myself. Maybe other parents did think I was glazed and totally weird. Glad I'll never know.

    It's one thing to talk freely about our gifted children on a gifted forum.

    It's quite another to mock and degrade those who are not. That pretty much scrapes the bottom of the barrel of common decency.

    I've found wonderful help here on theses forums, but the snide, nasty remarks that seem to flow quite freely these days make it far less likely that I'll remain an active part of this online community.

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    But you have good advice.

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    Originally Posted by annette
    Originally Posted by Val
    It seems to me that some of the posts on this thread cross (way over) the line and are looking down on other children for the way that they were born. I don't think we want to come across as looking down on others (?), yet I think this thread is doing just that.

    Gifted babies are alert, especially exceptionally gifted ones. This difference between typical infants/children and gifted ones is probably due to faster brain development. This doesn't make them better, just different.

    Describing a biological fact around others experiencing the same phenomenon is wonderful for those that have no other forum to discuss this in. My husband and I have had numerous doctors, relatives, teachers and friends comment on our son's differences in relation to other children. It can make you feel very alone. I loved how this thread allowed me to relate to others experiencing the same thing. I love that there is a forum where discussing this is acceptable.

    I would hate for the freedom of speech allowed by this forum to be subverted by some idea that we need to be extra-sensitive to those with non-gifted children. In real life, that's all I do--constantly filtering my speech--and frankly, I need some breathing room. I need a place where I can hear that other people relate to me.

    If that means some people are offended, so be it.

    From what I've seen of life, most people believe their kids are the best, whether they are gifted or not. Every parent looks for the ways their children stand out. If this was a forum about athletically gifted children, there would be some parent discussing how their child stood out from all the "clumsy, uncoordinated children".
    I'm sure some parents would find that offensive.

    Some people *like* to be offended and that's their problem, not mine.

    I mean, really, how dare we talk freely about our gifted children on a gifted forum.
    <>
    Guess what-- This entire forum is a wonderful place to get support and understanding from other parents who get what raising a gifted child is like. No one is trying to take away your freedom of speech. I don't like to be offended and am not easily offended. Have you considered that there are parents ON THIS forum who have children who are not gifted? It doesn't seem like rocket science to discuss this without comparing kids to inanimate objects, and 99.9% of the time the posters here manage to do sensitively. Val's post made a valid point.

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    I'm going to say too much so I'll try to cut it into a couple of posts.
    I was raised fanatically religious.  There wasn't really terms related to gifted issues flowing freely, back in the day.
    I would say that giftedness is a stronger spirit.  That's all the vocabulary I had to describe what I was seeing.  As a new mom, someone online told me that was a terrible thing to say, and, how offensive to the non-gifted, and, what if my kids aren't as gifted as I think.  They said,  "Logically, if I think giftedness is a reflection of the spiritual, then I would think less of my children if they weren't as gifted as I assume, if I was to equate giftedness with depth of substance."  That's what someone assumed I would feel.  But I always used to say  that there's not a heck of a lot of difference between the highest IQ and the lowest IQ human as compared to the difference between human and God.  That assumption that someone said would logically follow how I'd feel if my kids weren't very gifted,  according to their interpretation of the logical end of my belief in giftedness as a solid level of substance and something close to spiritual.  Their logical ending of my thought had nothing to do with my own internal sequence of what that belief would lead to.  ((google Davidson gifted forum + Carol Dweck to find out where my thoughts & feelings end up from that idea.))
    Anyway that Giftedness facet that I was calling spiritual ... Here's 2 more descriptions of what other people called it..
    1.) My hubby said of our son, as soon as he knows enough to understand the question, he always gets the answer.  2.)The other explanation I clipped from TWTM today because they said it better too-

    Last edited by La Texican; 02/17/12 09:35 PM. Reason: illegible penmanship
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    Originally Posted by Plagerized
    . They function differently, with different commands, and with different formats. They don't work through the equation to reach the answer--they pull the answer as self-explanatory from their own inductive reasoning, and plop it down in front of you. 


    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar
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