I would love your perspectives.

DS 4
All around, total mastery of Kindergarten academics by 3.5
And I mean completely 100%. He reads, writes, spells, does math at a 1st grade level.
Mostly self-taught with some help.
Loves preschool right now.
I.Q. was 138 on the WJIII-Cog. Underestimate. Two psychs said mid 140's would be a more accurate scoring. (you know why I say this because 138-144, depending on the test is different than 145-152, so we don't really know yet if he's HG or EG, which could matter if we talking prediction of how well any school can accomodate him).
We are in CA. He is not supposed to begin K until 5.5
My husband and I have gone around and around this for...years of course. But as it gets closer, he is clearly 2 solid years ahead of his peers.
He does not like to be bored. He does not like to go over concepts he already knows. He thinks all kids are like him. He is extremely social, verbal and loves all kinds of people. He says he wants a playdate every single day.
He dominates play...but is learning. Kids do like him at school and he has developed many friendships. Their parents have said their kids talk about him at home, which is reassuring that the friendships are not one-sided.
However.....he is highly explosive at times. It's improving but still part of the way he expresses extreme emotion. We are working on a new system a child pychiatrist for identifying emotions and it's working, but worrisome and has been like this since he was one.
He doesn't hit children at school, he doesn't hit his brother, age 2 very much, and when he does, it's very light. I'm his primary target (I'm a SAHP).
His teachers keep saying, "Don't put him K early, give him another year to play with cars and trucks."
UM. Cars and trucks? When did my son play with typical toys? Have you not met him?
I feel so misunderstood by them and when I engage in conversation, it's the same response from them. They aren't saying he's not ready or that he does poorly in this or that, it's an issue of forcing him to be in school early means a year of his childhood is taken away.
Ok, so they are obviously experts in NT preschool kids and I trust them to an extent. And as it turns out, one of them has G children herself.
I feel like they don't know him in the same way I do. So I question, would they see it differently if they saw the work he does at home?They do very little academics and when he brings work/art home, I can tell that he was doing what he thought the teacher wanted to see but not what he actually can and does do at home. I think they believe that all of the other parts of K are fulfilling enough and that he won't notice he's doing work that he did when he was 2.
My husband and I both look ahead and see a depressed child. He scored high in anxiety and depression on some evaluations. I can't imagine him being OK with doing work he literally did 3 years earlier.
So, I'm pushing on and trying to get a process going. The principal of the school thinks its a good idea for him to attend early or maybe just go into 1st grade early, his pychiatrist thinks it's a good idea to go early. But are they appeasing me by saying this?
What am I missing in his teachers' points?
I don't want to make a huge mistake either way. I feel like there should be a clearcut evaluation process for early K, a checklist, but there isn't.
I don't want him to be the youngest kid in the class, I don't want him to be last to get a driver's license among his peers, of course I don't want him to experience disadvantages from being the youngest. BUT, come on, he is who he is. Will he be in college early? Probably, so does any of the early age disadvantages matter? Probably not.
I do not want him to begin K and then skip to 1st, a full year of 1st is important.....or is it?
I read a post one of you lovely people wrote last night that K will be trial and error no matter what and that's helping me get through this.
Thank you for your input.

GGG, have you identified a school that can meet his needs? If you have and they said he can start early, I wouldn't really worry about what his preschool teachers have to say, unless their recommendation counts for something.

Everyone who gives you advice is seeing the situation through the lens of their experience and expectation. It may be that the preschool teachers are simply looking at a lovely little boy who enjoys his play...so they want him to play. You are seeing a beautiful but troubled son who has needs you know will not be fulfilled in preschool, or kindergarten by the sounds of things.

I wasn't quite clear if you had fully pinned down the source of his anxiety, depression and frustration but no doubt an unfed craving for knowledge will contribute to that.

You have good data from his independent assessments and your knowledge of his capabilities. You have had good recommendations from a psychiatrist and a positive conversation with a school principal. These are all massively important and a place many would like to be able to reach.

If you are comfortable with the school where you have had discussions then continue them and look to whether kindergarten or first grade is the better opening spot. As you have said, he has 100% mastery of kindergarten so it won't do on its own for academics. It may be a softer start to school, in that he will be learning about the school environment, rules, where the bathrooms are etc, so look at those pros and cons. It may be possible to spend part of the day in kinder and part in first grade while you work out where he fits better.

Finding likeminded peers in kindergarten may still not happen. Certainly being with older kids who can hold their own with your son in play will help with his tendency to dominate. That is not uncommon in gifted kids who want more complex play, complicated rules or imaginative elements NT kids aren't necessarily ready for.

There are checklists that are used to assess children for acceleration. The Iowa Acceleration Scale is one. I have seen others for early kindergarten entry. But, these children are very individual, dare I say, and a template or process doesn't necessarily work.

It is hard and it is scary to be in control of the advocacy for your child but this is only the beginning. There is no better advocate, no-one who knows your child better, than you. Seek advice, do lots of research and reading and ask lots of questions but the path you choose will ultimately be yours.

I have often wished there was a path, a process, a known well lit way forward but it never appeared. I have spent a lot of time beating a path with a machete guided by the light of lots of internet research and reading and thinking and the knowledge of others who have forged similar tracks in the jungle such as those on this board.

Best wishes and know you are not alone in the world but you are probably alone where you are for the moment. Don't be scared to trust yourself as you will become the expert your son needs.

This is a strong positive. Will the children from his preschool be flowing as group to the same kindergarten next year? Or will a number of them stay in the preschool for another year?

You may wish to look for teachable moments to point out strengths and differences among children, affirming character values such as being a good sport, graceful winner/loser, teamwork, persistence, positive communication, ability to control temper (making good choices in how to express being disappointed), empathy, apology/forgiveness, etc.

Are you able to arrange for some playdates?

A red flag and good you are working on this, or he may "poison the well" for future friendships.

You may wish to ask about and explore the processes in place for ongoing support and adjustments for your DC after early entrance, as this may be one way to determine whether they are appeasing you. For example, principal/psych expressing a belief that early entrance is the beginning of collaboration on a journey together (having a plan and/or acknowledging a plan may be needed and jointly developed) would tend to indicate a realistic view and solid support, whereas an expressed belief that early entrance will end the discussion of your child's needs would tend to be indicative of an interest to placate the parent of a gifted child.

With an approach which emphasizes resilience and flexibility, taking one year at a time, making adjustments along the way, there need not be any huge mistakes.

Kids are all different, environments change, there are no guarantees.

Many successfully accelerated children, and their parents, refrain from pointing out age differences or making a point that a child is the youngest in the class. Oftentimes others forget who is youngest.

This may depend upon the kid, the learning environment, the teacher, the mix of other kids in the class.

Recent threads, which you may have already read, include:
Opinions/experiences - early 1st with this profile

Delaying Kindergarten

Moving from public to private school after K

Young 5's or Summer Birthdays

early kindergarten advice or considerations

Early entry kindergarten -- should we undo it?

Effects of Early Grade Acceleration

Pre-school teachers in my experience are extremely biased against early k--or around here even sending boys with summer birthdays on time. It is a deeply held belief that most don't seem persuadable about. I think it really depends on the kid, and you know your kid best, and I strongly agree with Mana above.

https://www.naeyc.org/files/yc/file/200309/DelayingKEntry.pdf

Good advice above.

If K is half-day in your LEA, you could also consider attendance at 5.5 in K for the half-day it is in session, and then 1st for the remainder of the day, as a transition to full 1st during that year.

I wouldn't worry about covering the whole 1st curriculum. I gather that you are talking about regular K entry in 2016 vs early entry in 2015. So he will definitely have mastered all of 1st by 2016 entry. There is negligible content (social studies, science) in 1st, and he is already well on his way to mastering the foundational academics of 1st.

[ it's an issue of forcing him to be in school early means a year of his childhood is taken away.]

Being challenged in school and enjoying another year of childhood are not mutually exclusive. However, a school that believes in it and makes it happen is hard to find. Are there play/nature based, truly child-centered, multi-age classroom schools in your area? These are typically small schools with passionate teachers and attract a specific profile of families. Dd5.5 is in such a school and she is having a blast! You asked about 1st grade and how important it is not skip. Well, 1st grade is very light on academics and the way your child is going, he will be done with it this summer. So doing a year of k and skipping 1st might not be a bad idea either. You know your kid the best so do what feels right to you and know that no situation is permanent, good or bad. All the best.

My son's preschool teacher was opposed to early kindergarten entrance as well, even though DS was more than ready. I suspect that on some level she saw this as a rejection of the preschool and was simply acting defensively, rather than in the best interest of the student.

In our case, having an early skip built in with early enrollment made for less disruption later on, when DS needed to be skipped again. His classmates see him as having skipped only one grade, when actually he's two years younger.

It's tricky because I think gifted kids can outgrow a seemingly well fitting environment, and it can happen very quickly.

"So, I'm pushing on and trying to get a process going. The principal of the school thinks its a good idea for him to attend early or maybe just go into 1st grade early, his pychiatrist thinks it's a good idea to go early. But are they appeasing me by saying this?"

Given that both the principal (who should understand the school's environment) and the psychiatrist (who should understand the child in question) suggest entering at 4, I would weight the decision toward early entry and not worry about this notion of "losing" a year. By fall, he'll be at least four and a half, right? That was not out of the realm of children in my own K class (I entered at 4 and can't recall anything but excitement!).

http://www.npr.org/blogs/ed/2015/04...start-kindergarten-early-its-not-so-easy

On just this topic!

Both my boys did early entrance into K. It has still been way too easy for them, especially my PG older son. (Haven't had my younger tested yet). They have allowed me to bring in materials for both of them. Especially in math, to keep them engaged.

As far as 1st grade my older son was bored out of his mind. (Younger is starting in the fall with high expectations....)
Really, there was no reason for him to do 1st grade OR Kindergarten. If I had to choose though I would say do early entrance to K instead of skipping 1st. Like someone said, it will ease them into a real school setting rather than be thrown right into 1st grade where you need to have mastered basic life skills.

Do not hesitate to send him early. Nothing negative has come out of it for us.

We started DS in kinder at 4.5 years against the initial advice of his preschool. Firstly they asked us to get him tested as they said he was unlike any child they had ever come across. When we gave them the psychologists report and advice they no longer said he shouldn't go to school early and came round to the idea. Our choice was made easier because DS really hated the second half of the year of preschool - despite loving it at the beginning of the year when he first started.

He is now at least one year younger that most of the kids in his class but still he is way ahead and very frustrated by this - he just doesn't understand why all the other kids just don't know what he does and why he is on a much higher reading level and maths level than anyone else. He also has problems socially and can't get the other kids to play his very involved rule-based fantasy games. His teacher has already suggested a trial grade skip after one term in kindergarten and by now he can manage it after spending a term getting his hand writing and "classroom manners" up to a decent level.

So I would start early if at all possible because your DS is going to need a lot of accereration one way or another and starting early is an easy way to get that acceleration going. Also bear in mind that these kiddos are quite unusual and early childhood teachers are very unlikely to be aware if their needs once they start formal school.

Thank you all. Too tired to reply but I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your replies. Connecting-thanks for the link!!