I thought I'd ask this to give others a chance to understand their board peers better. I am sure that some are relatives of gifted children (this includes 2e), some are educators or psychologists with a professional interest...the list goes on.

Understanding where we are each coming from will hopefully build trust and reduce the chances for conflict.

I'll start - father of a DYS girl - came here desperate for answers and guidance a few years ago - 2013, I think. Still looking for more answers and hopefully to share what I have learned. :-)

Madeinuk, you just described me, pretty much...except in my case I'm the dad of a DYS boy and came here for answers in 2015.

I am a mother of a DYS boy came here for answers, advice and suggestions. First came on in 2015 and my first question was whether to test DS. I followed my heart and suggestions I was given on here and had him tested in late 2015. He became DYS in 2016 :-)

What a nice idea, madeinuk.


I'll ask that my post not be directly quoted, as the sum total of information here is fairly identifying in some ways.



I'm the child of a PG person. I'm also the parent of a beyond-garden-variety gifted child, a former gifted child myself, married to former gifted child.

Spouse and self both fully evaluated and HG+ via childhood IQ instruments. We were both publicly educated in high quality settings. Our needs were met relatively well during the previous golden age of gifted educational practices in the 1970's and 1980's in the western US. I have a history of underachievement (maladaptive coping with inappropriate educational setting?), spouse does not.

Our DD's needs have been more extreme than ours.

DD never tested (deliberate decision on our part not to take that snapshot)-- she was grade accelerated 3y and is an academically and socially successful college senior at the moment. She also has a hidden medical disability as part of her profile. She was educated via home schooling and virtual charter schooling prior to college-- though not without difficulties. Our local school district wanted nothing to do with her, and made it clear that they felt she would not be well-served by their programs-- both at 5yo upon kindergarten entry, and again as a 10 and 11yo who needed high school level instruction. We used a national corporate-owned virtual virtual school with a charter in my state as a credentialing step; that's the bottom line. "Education" it probably was not, unless one means learning what bureaucratic corporate KoolAid looks, smells, and tastes like.

Educational policy-- I've been a post-secondary educator, done curriculum development in working with students PreK through graduate, am the child of career public educators, and believe in appropriate education as an individual human right. My professional area of expertise is multi-disciplinary, but intersects with neuropharmacology-- so I have also got some professional interests in play here. I'm also fundamentally someone that believes in civic responsibility.

I have a soft spot for families which are low-income, and those which are struggling to manage the needs of 2e children. They have very heavy burdens, and few choices.

I showed up here on the recommendation of another couple of friends that I knew from another online community, when my DD was about 8? 9? and I really needed a group of parents that weren't going to attack me just for opening my mouth about my daughter. We live in a pretty Tiger-parent-ey community, and it's highly competitive. Not a good place to be a tall poppy, socially speaking.

I don't talk about my child IRL. This was a good place to do that during some of the more difficult years and transitions in raising a PG child. The advice that applies to neurotypical children sometimes is counterproductive in parenting an outlier-- but it is still important to respect the developmental arc of the child, and remember that they ARE children, in spite of how they may behave a lot like tiny adults at times.

My son is 2e. It took years to figure it out. in that process, I figured out that I'm also gifted .... and ended up with an ADHD diagnosis myself.

I suffered from academic mismatch and educated parents who were uneducated about non-neurotypical children. I was in a parochial school that actively "cut down tall poppies" directing telling me that I couldn't be me/smart/talented because "it might make someone else feel bad."

I was miserable, suicidal, for most of my life. I'm not sure how I survived high school, honestly. I ended up with a long, long, long list of psychiatric misdiagnosis and plenty of damage done from psychiatric medications. After a series of major life changes and years-long process of getting the misdiagnoses resolved, I'm doing okay-good. The damage is deep though, and remnants of the childhood academic mismatch are hard to shake off. I'm left with an eating disorder, tendency for anxiety, underachiever, fear of success, fear of malicious envy, and squandered musical and artistic talents. It's a crappy situation to be in mid-life.

I learned from my parents' example and my childhood that "do nothing" does not necessarily result in "do no harm". I learned that I needed to "do something" for my son(s). Figuring out what to do has been difficult. Heck, figuring out what he might potentially need has been difficult!

I am continually learning. This forum has been immensely beneficial, and I pass on the advice I received which has been true.

Parent of a DYS son and younger child who tested HG (but we suspect may be PG as well). Child of an almost certainly PG mother and sibling of a likely PG brother. (I'm guessing based on experiences and learning since DS...)

Am some level of gifted myself, however I did not grow up in a town that had any such thing as gifted ID or assistance. Although, I wanted to be accelerated but my mother had been double skipped and was against it. She had felt like an outlier. She likely would have anyway... I was an excellent student until I hit anything that required additional effort (aka didn't want to ask for help and thought if I couldn't figure it out, I wasn't good in that area). Spouse is also gifted and describes most of school as boring.

I've always had an interest in education and that, combined with all the above, have led me to dig for information about best practices, evidence-based recommendations, etc., etc. This community has provided a great deal of support and understanding, even when individual members disagree. As HK mentions, it's also been lovely to be able to "talk" openly about our children without seeming like I'm bragging.

Another parent of two twice-exceptional children, and a former gifted child myself, from a family of former gifted, high-achieving children. (My grandmother had the highest score in the state on the Missouri pharmacy exam when she took it around 1940, and you know that was not a time when women were particularly welcome in the professions, especially in STEM fields.) My DD-almost-13 is a DYS; my DS-almost-9 is not, although we may test him again soon. I suspect that his autism has interfered more with his test results than hers.

I also grew up with an interest in education - my mother was a teacher for many years before she switched to designing educational software, and my own first job was teaching a community center class on how to solve the Rubik's cube.

I appreciate having a place where I can be myself and also not self-censor talking about my kids.

Hmm. Pretty hard to deny the genetic component here, right?

We're a lot like everyone else here, but more in the MG to HG range. Not sure about the 4 year old yet... she didn't freak us out by spontaneously reading at 3 like her older brother.

Thank you for this, madeinuk.

My personal and extended family history is highly enriched for GT identifiers (measured cognition and proxies, such as terminal degrees), including documented EG/PG, so I've always had an interest in GT ed. At one point, I seriously considered pursuing ed psych studies with a GT focus (was accepted to a doctoral program on that basis), but ended up in a different, but related, professional field, as an assessment professional in public education.

Though our children have not been formally assessed, I'm pretty comfortable identifying them as GT of some description (probably MG/HG, though I might be lowballing the little one). At least one of them is also likely 2e.

While I do enjoy contributing my professional perspectives (because I'm an admitted assessment geek!), I also benefit from reading about the experiences of others.

I'm also from a highly gifted, high achievement family. Found this forum when DD8 was 2, because it was already clear she was not typical. It all felt so huge. It was like having a plane crash into your house, and not being allowed to talk about it because that would be impolite.

DD is homeschooled now. She's extremely strong-willed, and no school situation was ever going to work for her, so I'm glad I figured that out fairly early.

I'm now mostly a lurker here because our situation is cruising along nicely. (The academics are jostling along, she has time to follow her own interests, and she has a good friend group of smart kids who are mostly older than her.) I might have gotten her tested just in order to access DYS and find more peers, but since things are good I don't see a need to.

In the past when I was more involved with this board I did a lot of answering questions and clarifying misunderstandings about brains, since that's my field.

One of the nice things about this forum for me is hearing about kids that are *smarter* than my DD, or who have different strengths. I also just really like hearing people's personal stories.

I grew up in a family of gifted learners (my brothers and I) and educators (mom, aunts, uncles, and me for a short stint). My first child (now 5) seems to just be on a different tier and has been astounding us since he was tiny. I found this forum to ask a few questions, but mostly to learn from others' experiences and to read about other amazing kids. I am fascinated by the human brain and how we learn, and I am constantly digging to better understand my children and how I can best support their development.

DH was young for his grade and then skipped and in some sort of gifted program (no idea what the criteria were at the time or what he actually scored/did to gain entry). I cruised along in school and was in a high achieving program in high school. Years ago I would have never said I was "gifted" but the more I read and discover about my kids the more I have to admit it probably isn't just DH's gene's to blame

I ended up finding this board a few months after we tested DS back in 2013. We've since tested DD and retested DS to get a better handle on his 2E challenges. This board has been an amazing resource along the way. We aren't in the U.S. so DYS isn't an option but at least we have this board. Having a place where our challenges are "normal" has been amazing. We have a very quiet more local board but parents there are either 1. not dealing with what we're dealing with and/or 2. just worried about which private school they should pick in a city hundreds of miles away. This board is much more relevant and interesting to me.

This whole path has also dragged me into becoming an advocate at our district level. Prior to this, I would have run away at the thought of navigating the political minefield that gifted advocacy can be but my passion/frustration has managed to outweigh all of that. I will also add that another motivator is that both DH and I have numerous friends and family that highlight the challenges that can accompany gifted (underachievement, imposter syndrome, drop-outs, suicide, substance abuse, mental health challenges, etc). This has become bigger than my 2 kids for me. I'm now trying to fix the system for all of them which most days seem rather daunting. I love hearing about the schools, teachers, districts, etc out there that are doing good things - it gives me hope. While the less than positive stories help remind me that I'm not alone.

THANK YOU!!!!

This is a great thread. It's so interesting to get a better sense of people's stories.

I was never tested because I grew up in a very small town where no one ever thought about this stuff, but was probably at least a MG kiddo. I literally never knew that school was supposed to present a challenge until I got to university. And even then, I only had to start studying (albeit a little hard at times) to get excellent marks, including in law school.

It only dawned on me that this might be somewhat outside the norm when I started reading up on giftedness in relation to DS7 when he was 3 years old. And even then, I started out researching mostly about his big emotions. I thought he might be a "spirited child", but it seemed like something different than that. Once I figured out that he seemed to fit the GT characteristics, I turned to this forum mostly because of his intensity, and posting on here and receiving comfort and suggestions has been a godsend for me.

So far, he seems to be doing ok with a bit of enrichment in school. And his EQ has mostly caught up to his big feelings, so he's turning into a pretty incredibly kid. Both boys (he and DS5, who has been an easy kid) are probably going to need more than they're currently getting at school (I posted about that last week). But for now, we're catching our collective breath and enjoying this nice groove.

This is an interesting thread madeinuk, thanks:).

I was a voracious reader as a child and seemed a bit mature for my age but don't necessarily consider myself to be particularly gifted. I have IQ scores from DH from the 6th grade where he topped out an IQ test, so can't really deny his giftedness;). I am also a school psychologist so there is a professional interest in assessment and how we define intelligence in a general sense.

DD is a DYS. I suspected something was a little off when my two year old could explain the extinction of dinosaurs using appropriate terminology, but frankly tried to ignore it. After three school years and three teachers that really wanted us to have an evaluation done to assess her level of giftedness we did. When I received the results I was floored. I did evaluations as a big part of my career and had never seen test scores like my daughters. I was very overwhelmed (still am at times) and needed to connect with parents who were ahead of me in this process. Hopefully, at this point I can contribute a little something to the parents with younger children who are navigating this as well.

I don't know that any of us planned this exactly, but there are not many placed to discuss your elementary age child's existential crisis, so I am grateful for this group;)!

This forum has been the easiest way for me to locate like-minded parents with children facing similar constellations of needs. Because we're located outside the U.S. and aren't eligible to participate in the DYS program, this has been the next-best resource for our family in supporting my DS' growth.

My son hasn't been tested, mostly because he's young and has had his needs met to date primarily through homeschooling. Should the need arise, we'll go the testing route. At this point, I'm comfortable sticking my neck out and saying that he's some flavor of GT and following his development. From an early age, his developmental milestones met or exceeded those of both parents, both of whom were ID'd gifted as children.

"Giftedness" was never really an explicit part of my identity as a child or youth. At that time, access to related information for families was limited, schools were more open to grade-skipping, and my parents were chiefly focused on meeting needs as they arose rather than anticipating needs down the line. Within our family, I was operating within the norm, and so my concept of unusual needs was culture-bound. It was taken for granted that most of the children in our extended family were accelerated, often multiple grades, and went on to intellectually stimulating careers. My parents advocated effectively to ensure I was in a supportive environment, and life went on.

An interest in the concept of giftedness has only really come onto my radar as a parent to a bright little man. I can't openly talk about his early milestones IRL because they sound preposterous, and I would come across as a horrible braggart if I were open about his interests, so I turned to the internet to find some more resources after his pediatrician made some pretty stark comments at his well-baby visits.

It became apparent pretty early in DS' life that the educational system in our country is unsupportive of accelerated learning, and supports that once existed to enable more individualized learning in a standard classroom have gone the way of the do-do bird. The culture around education has become defensive and unduly focused on secondary goals of equality and feelings to such an extent that actual LEARNING has been de-prioritized. I was appalled that, when reviewing the websites of all the K-8 schools in the largest school district in our country, less than 8% identified academic excellence as a top-3 goal. This applies to all students, not just the gifted, but the gifted feel the weight of the change most acutely (and they are the group most related to my personal family situation). Ironically, it's in this culture of celebrating differences that my country is most rabid in its efforts to stamp out actual differences under the misguided banner of "tolerance". Embracing difference does not equate to enforcing sameness.

So, fundamentally, what drives my interest in gifted issues is an interest in my son's education and, more generally, a conviction that all children deserve to learn in school and achieve their potential. Anything less is a disservice to the student and society.

I came here after we had DS tested at a young age... we started to see some warning signs in preschool of a mismatch of his environment/peers and his own development especially since he misses the school cutoff for K by one day. We expected to hear that he is very bright so we were stunned at the results but it did explain his increasing resistance even at his young age to going to his daycare and his comments. He is such a chameleon that we still are puzzled by exactly what we are dealing with and whether he is challenged enough or not.

GT (and 2E) runs in DH's family for sure, and most likely same in mine, and while I have my results from my childhood, they are all skewed by my disability and its challenges that depressed some of the early scores (which was in one of the reports saved) so it is not clear even in the last test round before I aged out of special ed, whether the lingering impact was still reflected (it is not really something that one can fully outgrow or fully gain back the lost years).

We have not tested DD yet (a large concern is that she can be extremely difficult to work with if she decides not to cooperate - which was something I was notorious for as a kid too with reports saved that stated the same about me) and although she is quite different from DS, people seem to see DD as being gifted (and tell us that) while DS seems like another average boy to most people.

It is coming here that helped me to see that GT is not the stereotype of prodigies but quite a range of abilities/interests and very individual (and yes, I was friends with someone who I now believe is PG/EG - definitely way higher than mine - so my viewpoint of what would be average IQ may be affected by running around with her for so many years and not realizing that our conversations may not have been age typical).

Wow - I am really enjoying this thread - thanks madeinuk! The short answer is that I have two 2E kids (DS 12 and DD10), and I have found that the expertise and advice on this forum for identifying, understanding and supporting their needs is better - more accurate, specific, relevant, and concrete - than any other source on 2E I have found, bar none. I can't convey my gratitude to all of you enough. We couldn't have made it this far without you.

The long answer - - - well, I'll try not to go on too long, but I suspect you all know that's not my strong suit . I went to school in a time and place where gifted identification and programming didn't exist, and for whatever reasons (parents? school? not quite sure) acceleration was never an option. While it was always a kind of unspoken obvious that I was gifted, it didn't really mean anything. I was the teacher stereotype and thought "gifted" just meant school was really easy and boring and I got straight As while sitting in the corner reading a book and exerting not the slightest effort ever. (I hated school and wanted to get out as fast as I could. I found a way to compress 5 years of high school into three, thus starting university at 16 despite everyone's efforts to keep me in an age-appropriate grade. Then almost flunked out of university as I hadn't the faintest notion how to study or work hard. I am very motivated to give my kids a better school experience - and work ethic - than I had).

Then DS came along. Extremely high needs, outlier in every possible way, from literally the day he was born. I used to joke that he read all the baby books in the womb, chortled evilly and tossed them over the cliff. Nothing worked for him the way it worked for other parents around me. I lived with a constant barrage of advice that if I simply stopped making him so high needs, he would be like all the other kids. As others have noted, it was exhausting and isolating.

It wasn't until he was 8 and the school told me to test him for giftedness that I started researching, and realized that actually, I knew nothing whatsoever of gifted. And I started, for the first time in my life, to find descriptions of kids and child development that actually related to my experiences with DS. It never, ever, occurred to me that gifted had anything to do with it. But I then realized that those 8 extraordinarily difficult years, and even that insane babyhood, were actually described as common experiences - among HG kids. However, DS tested (barely) MG, and I lurked and researched and felt like a fake, because all the experiences I could relate to were for kids who were dramatically greater outliers than mine.

Fast forward two years, and DS10 and younger sister DD8 are now both struggling in school, anxiety ridden and back to the psych to explore writing problems for DS and reading for DD. Psych re-does the WISC, and DS is now scoring HG with enough discrepancy to suspect that may well be an underestimate and misses his actual main strength, math. No explanation for writing problems. DD is diagnosed MG (which fits in her case), dyslexic and ADHD (also visual processing deficits). That's when I started a massive research binge, and actually signed up to the forum and started reading regularly while seeking advice on remediation and support for DD. And got amazing advice and support. (To DD's original list I would now add probably dysgraphic, and deficits in math.) Still trying to understand what DS's challenges are - but most of what I have learned/ suspect came from this board. (Definitely extreme ADHD inattentive, and fine motor issues; probably expressive language deficits; retrieval issues affecting both language and things like math facts/ rote calculation; haven't ruled out ASD).


Having a safe place to talk about my kids have been a life-saver. For many years, there was absolutely no one in real life I could discuss my kids with, even family. And being surrounded by people who think you created your kid's challenges, rather than that you are trying to parent in ways that respond to their challenges, is very hard. I sometimes think having an extended family probably full of MG folk makes it even harder to deal with an outlier like DS, who really seems to live in a different universe than the rest of us - they all think they know gifted, that their experience is applicable to him, and that he could be like all the rest of us if only I stopped treating him like he was different. This forum gave me the confidence to advocate for what the child in front of me was showing me he needed, regardless of what everyone else said he was supposed to need.

We've spent a ton of time and money trying to identify, support and remediate our kids' challenges. For DD especially, simply being properly taught how to read changed her life in such profound ways. I am acutely aware that most families could not afford the time or the specialists we consulted, and out city is full of kids like mine that are still in misery, dying inside, getting further and further destroyed by a school system the isn't teaching them in ways they can learn. So now I also work with our local LD and gifted associations, and our school board, to try and change things, so that all kids like mine actually get the same kinds of opportunities that I could provide to my own. (Not working yet, but I'm still trying.)

The other big discovery has been DH's own - in retrospect obvious - experiences as a 2E kid. I struggle to understand my kids' challenges because learning was always too easy for me. Not his life at all. DD's diagnoses led us to realize DH too is almost certainly dyslexic, dysgraphic and ADHD - but he spent his life being berated for laziness and underachievement. Every report card he ever got says "not trying hard enough". And then friends began crawling out of the woodwork, sneaking me off into corners to admit their dark secrets they've been embarrassed and hiding all their lives - that they can't spell, that reading is painful, that they couldn't learn their times-tables to save their lives. So I talk LD everywhere I go, long and loud and matter-of-factly. And I hope that just maybe, possibly, perhaps, a few more kids will learn that they are perfectly capable of learning, if only they are taught the way they learn. And grow up without the misery and fear of getting caught that plagues their parents. And to help their parents see that silence and stigma won't help their kids, and that we can talk openly about LD and do something about it.

OK, total soapbox. Went on forever. Apologies. Love you all for putting up with my rants!

I ended up here after we had our middle kid tested for 2e issues about seven years ago. DH is classic 2e as well so we were watching for it. DD had DYS level IQ scores but was really struggling with the basics at school due to dyslexia and dysgraphia. We didn't apply for DYS at the time because I was more concerned with getting her to learn how to read and write This place was a safe place to talk about her issues without people judging her (Why is your kid in the GT program when she is barely reading??? because the school psychologist told us to . . .) DD is now in high school and subsequent recent testing on the WISC V confirmed earlier testing. If I get around to it, might finally fill out the DYS application.

We also have two other kids but have never had IQ testing on either of them. The oldest was in GT programming for elementary and middle school. She is a super high achiever with lots of GT traits. Comments from several of her GT teachers lead me to believe that she may be HG but our own perspective is pretty warped. She is a lot like me at that age and I'm guessing that I am MG. Youngest is in a GT program. He's got the family math gene, not sure about the rest of it. His teacher who has all of my kids thinks that he is just as capable as his siblings but "he's a boy."

Isn't this mentality the case with our school boards, too? Seen one gifted child, seen them all? The parents clearly "made" the child's "problems".

It's maddening.


Good for you! (You're wonderfully quotable today.)

For all our country's pomp and circumstance around tolerance, our educators are some of the least informed, most intolerant participants in the 2E discussion. The impetus for reform will have to come from within the 2E community, and I'm delighted you're using your voice to support the needs of those who can't fight for themselves. Much respect.

I am here to try to learn more about gifted kids in general, especially 2E kids, to help my 2E DS6 (wait, now DS7!) and to also help myself understand him.

We are not a high achieving family at all. I was ID'd as ADHD and borderline MR in elementary school and shipped off to special ed. I received a very poor education in a room full of disruptive children. I was always the top of my class in behavior and academics (this is not saying much).

Eventually the school district took me back, but they resented me and never gave me another chance. I was the first person they suspected when anything went wrong (and there was no basis for this, I was too scared to even talk at school, let alone do something against the rules) and when I took achievement tests in 8th grade and scored post high school on everything but math (my weak area) and spelling (my other weak area) the district had the results struck from my record and said I must have cheated (on account of my low IQ and apparently the ease of cheating on tests where the exact test you get is random).

Eventually my parents paid to send me to the neighboring school district and I went from a C student to an A student and I took the SATs and qualified for early college entry. I graduated college with honors and found it all quite easy. I actually found it much easier than high school because there wasn't a lot of homework or busywork and I rarely had to do anything other than attend class, take tests, and write a few papers each semester.

Am I gifted? I have no idea. The only IQ test on my record says my IQ was pretty low at age 8. The test the school threw out gave an "IQ estimate" of 128. I guess I will never know and at this point it really doesn't matter. But my experiences certainly influenced how I deal with school districts and advocate for my son.

DS's father was ID'd as gifted in school and was in a pull out program. He was a good student and is excellent at math and went to college for a math heavy career. He definitely has issues, likely ADHD and/or ASD, but he was never diagnosed with anything as his mother is very defensive about such things. Oddly I don't really think he is very smart. He certainly is great at math, he can make an equation for pretty much anything, but conversationally he can't follow along well and he has a terrible memory, so I can't really talk to him about anything!

On to DS. He seems to have somehow gotten the best of each of us. And the worst! He has severe combined type ADHD, an iffy ASD diagnosis, and Tourette's. I think he might have gotten 2 different ADHD genes or something because he was hit hard. His dad and his dad's family have tics/TS, so we know where that came from. And the ASD? Who can really tease that out from the other stuff at this point? Especially with gifted thrown in.

But DS has dad's great working memory (I have 0 working memory) and my great long term memory (which dad entirely lacks). He has dad's great math skills, but also my verbal skills. He even seems to be pretty good at spelling (for a first grader) which is something dad is also good at. He picks right up on the words in his foreign language class at school (whereas I had to go for a BS in a field where everyone gets a BA because I can't learn a language to save my life, except sign, which I find easy to learn for some reason). He loves history (like me, dad hates it) and science (something we all agree on). His favorite subject at school is coding (which is like dad 100%).

Academically, so far, he doesn't really have a weakness. I still add and subtract on my fingers and can't memorize my times tables (or how to spell words like their and calendar, thanks spell check), but I still managed a 530 math on the SAT in 11th grade. Even though I feel terrible at math, I guess I'm more average (but still pretty embarrassed about the finger counting thing). I suspect DS will be able to surpass me at math very soon and in some areas he already has.

My biggest problem is probably self confidence. I am an anxious person in general and I still can't 100% convince myself DS is actually gifted. I wonder if he's just good at math, if the "experts" were right and he is just ASD with splinter skills, if he just benefitted from an enriched home environment, if he will start to have trouble when school becomes more abstract, etc.

We have had 2 IQ tests done and they both came in over the gifted cut off, but not really far above and his scores ranged from an 8 to some 19's. He is in a gifted school, but not really keeping up in reading or writing and I wonder if it's because he really shouldn't be there or because he has some hidden disability (or because he has ADHD which can cause difficulty with anything that requires sustained effort and attention.)

So, yeah, I am here because my family is a bit of a confused mess But mostly I am here because of the helpful people who frequent this board. I still feel like this whole thing is nothing but a pile of uncertainties, but I hear that is what parenting usually is.

I was tested and identified as HG+ as a kid and my parents are clearly gifted. DH has pretty severe dyslexia that was never remediated or accommodated because his mother didn't want him labeled, yet he somehow got himself through grad school. He is a very bright guy whose academic self esteem got wrecked by that experience.
When DS5 was about 2 I started reading this board because it was the only site I found where parents' voices really seemed to reflect my experience with DS. Interestingly, I found myself gravitating to the 2e posts before DS was diagnosed with dyspraxia/DCD. He has not been IQ tested yet, but seems obviously gifted. We will probably do that at 6 to figure out his "e's" out a bit better. Raising DS has made me reflect on the experiences of all of our family members, and what it means to go through school and society when you're not neurotypical.
I am on the board to reap the psychosocial benefits of a community who understands how amazing/complicated/intense/exhausting these highly asynchronous kids can be, and to educate myself about educational options and advocacy.

Good thread!

I have a DYS but I did not know that when I found this site. I knew DC was very bright and clearly ahead in skills but did not understand giftedness or LOG at all. (I am pretty sure everyone in public school "way back when" took the IQ screening test but no one had full individual IQ tests. I now believe my parents were somewhat misled by those results for my siblings and me.)

At first, I blindly trusted the educational system, but we soon started having issues of severe boredom and unhappiness at school. Although there were a couple teachers who really tried, in the end, that wasn't enough to overcome systemic problems (and a couple very poor teachers and admins).

So I came here time and time again, mostly to read experiences to get ideas on advocacy and what our educational choices really are.

I am very grateful to all of you who share.

It is great to read about everyone's experiences. I can't get enough of it. Excellent thread for sharing and feeling accepted.

Our family's journey started to take seed when DS5 was 3 and his daycare teacher mentioned if we ever thought about testing. I knew he was advanced but kept expecting things to "even out". He was an early reader. He decoded his first word at 18 months but he also shows OE's and emotional intensities so I was completely confused. So, I started researching early reading. I then learned about asynchrony and suddenly my little guys features started making sense. I found this site and forum and starting lurking for a while as part of this path to understanding. My first acceptance was when I read either an article or post (I can't remember) listing "unofficial markers" of giftedness where they said if you can't talk about the things your kid does, they are probably gifted. It was an eye opener for me and the first time I realized how isolated I really felt. This community is full of amazing, wonderful, exceptional parents and kids who share similar experiences and I am so grateful to have stumbled upon it. We are on a waiting list for a neuropsych which should be starting any day now. He is starting K in the fall and I have no idea how his features are going to translate into a large group classroom environment and the public schools are heavy into differentiated instruction only. No educator I have talked to has heard of a student being accelerated at all. Our journey of learning and advocacy and making hard choices has only just begun. Thanks again everybody!

My interest in gifted issues is driven by seeing the need to pass along what I have learned, to the many newcomers who are seeking information to build a knowledge base.

Ocelot, howdy - possibly you've seen this old post with a roundup of advocacy tips and resources?

CuriousKids - Possibly you've seen the roundup on acceleration (pros and cons)...
and on differentiation and other gifted-ed program and service buzzwords?
These may make interesting reading before your child begins K in the fall.

I have basically taken on a second career as gifted expert for my kids' sakes. I discovered there was a word for my eldest six years ago, although I knew he was very smart from the day he was born. I then discovered there are many levels of giftedness five years ago, and realised that there wasn't anyone whose child was a higher LOG to help me or give advice. So I've had to research everything myself. I desperately don't want my children to suffer the way I did, and my eldest is already ahead by being grade skipped once (so far, and hopefully another soonish). Now I'm working towards helping my youngest, who is a very different child to my high achieving, academic eldest.

I have known of this board for a bit, but avoided joining as I am outside of the US. I didn't think it would be of any use since it doesn't offer local advice. But since my family is the odd one out at my own G&T club I feel that being with likeminded families here, who understand what being PG is really like, is probably the best thing I can do.

This is all so interesting to read. I've been lurking on this board for about a year and a half now, since my then-15 month old suddenly and spontaneously counted to 10. It was that day I started to acknowledge that my daughter was a little different from most kids we know. I was surrounded by people telling me that my daughter would "slow down" and that all kids "even out" but I knew that couldn't be true. Reading this board has been hugely helpful to me as we get closer to school age and I think about how best to meet my daughter's needs. I don't know for sure that my daughter is gifted but it certainly seems like we're heading in that direction.

I was never tested but was placed in GT programs and cruised through school to a terminal degree. My husband is 2e and comes from a highly gifted family but despite his mother writing her dissertation about gifted children, he received no gifted education growing up. We're trying to do better by our own child and reading this board has been tremendously helpful for me.

The need for help is what drives my interest!!
Should we move elsewhere?
There is so much useful information within just this topic. Indigo has so many great links. I'll read them all but for now if anyone has the time to read my plight which I realize is a good one to have but is overwhelming me with indecision.

I'm not savvy with many abbreviations but I'll get there. My DS7 is a Davidson scholar mainly so my husband and I could ask for advice. We live in a small town
3 hours from NYC that has many wonderful charms once the summer crowds leave. There is only one school (pre-k-8th grade) and the kids and families are kind
and friendly and everyone has known each other since nursery since there is only one nursery to go to. My husband and I moved here from NYC when DS7 was an infant. We've been taking it year by year unsure if it was where we should stay since the year round life is somewhat limiting. In the passing years we've spent chunks of time in San Francisco, Chicago and Austin. And have spent time observing life in Brooklyn & DC where we have friends with young children.
Each time we think that maybe those "more to offer cities" are where we should be
until we return to this small town life and find the peacefulness and simpleness a relief to our son's nervous system and to ours. To a point that is.
The school has very generously appointed our son with his own math teacher. That teacher is fairly open minded and willing to teach the curriculum that we design. He would follow his GO math curriculum otherwise. So as grateful as we are to have him we do have to manage the work and homework so it remains engaging.
The school does not have a gifted program nor faculty experienced with gifted learners but it has created for us one period twice a week that they refer to as enrichment for my son and 2 other kids. He's given a session once a week with the school counselor another session with the speech pathologist and one more with the school psychologist. Those pull outs began when we realized how much more he connects when he's conversing one on one with adults as opposed to sitting in his classroom. The speech session and psych. session has him interacting with one or 2 other kids. Typically I'd be against so many pull outs but in our son's case they make him happy and frankly he's not really getting much out of his regular class. His reading class is somewhat of a joke but he reads so much at home we've become complacent after many unsatisfying meetings with his current reading teacher. The school is trying and the time they allot to our son I think is very rare for a public school but is it enough? Would he be better served in a gifted school or a progressive private school? Would he connect more to like minded peers?
He has known his peers for 6/7 years and considers them all his friends and they all are inclusive and engaging with him but he has no interest in spending any time with any of them. As the children mature they seem to be forming friendships as opposed to the whole class mentality and because ds7 has no interest in getting to step 2 with anyone they don't seem to either. I was so committed to helping my son connect to someone I held weekly playdates at my house only to find my son smiling and sitting alone doing a puzzle. He wanted the kids over but didn't want to play what they were playing. Too crazy, too loud etc. I tried every potential social circle in this town that might spawn a relationship but found myself feeling uncomfortable since I wasn't really connecting to the year round families that much.There were a few attempts on his part for a friend connection but it was short lived and sparked little interest. What really made it worse was the birth of my now DS2 and the arrival of an au pair. The thing about it and I hope I'm not in denial is that my son doesn't seem to care or mind that he doesn't spend time with kids when he's not in school. He's invited to parties, nah doesn't want to go. Would rather hang out with his family. Now that he's 7.5 I've backed away from talking him into playdates. We tried a couple different camp experiences hoping he'd connect but nothing. He connected mostly with the counselors.
He says he dislikes school because it's boring and he doesn't like being told what to do. He is never defiant and rarely expressive in school. It's seems like he's in a coping mode while he's there. In K he expressed dislike for all the craziness and loudness. There were 10 kids in his class and 2 teachers. I couldn't have imagined a less loud and crazy atmosphere.
My dilemma is this: Because my husband travels for his work we could potentially live anywhere. Where we live now is peaceful and safe and sheltered away from the competitive lifestyle of waiting lists and applications and high volume options
and choices. But where we are now has very little. Err, none really. We are a good 2 hours away from any actual culture.
I'm torn with staying within our small town life and continuing his home life enrichment and travel ( he misses school more than most) or relocating to a place where he MIGHT connect with a like minded soul and have resources available to him that are now being cobbled together with missing pieces.
Does that better living place exist?

I'm in a race to write this before my little one wakes.


Thank you for reading this far.
ANY IDEAS ARE WELCOME.

Welcome, Ethinx!

Here is the old thread on common abbreviations and acronyms.

Evidently an advantage to living a bit off the grid is that your school is not interested in forcing/contriving equal academic outcomes amongst all the school children.

Possibly a few of the teachers may be interested to join the free Davidson Educators Guild.

This may depend upon what your other options are. Here is roundup of links on school fit and choosing a school.

While failure to connect with other kids could be related to the lack of an intellectual peer group, kids often form connections with other kids based on common interests... they may have playground friends, sports team friends, etc. Although he may not be lonely at this time, you may want to be sure that he has the ability to make social connections. You might want to look at direct teaching of social skills (non-verbal cues, friendship, perspective taking, etc) and/or read up on the autism spectrum, just in case you may find that this applies to him.

This is an illustration of what drives my interest in gifted issues: seeing the need to pass along what I have learned, to the many newcomers who are seeking information to build a knowledge base.

Gosh you're good Indigo.
THANK YOU.

I'm here just in case DD4 turns out to be PG like her dad (or just run of the mill HG, like me 😉). Need to know what/how to advocate for her.

Also here because I have no local resources, groups, etc., because gifted education is completely off the radar in Spain.

I'm here because I suspect DD2 is gifted, and it caught me unawares, plus it has shed light on some of my own school experiences. This is the first place I've felt DD's idiosyncracies are considered possibly "normal" and not something wrong with one or the other of us.

Welcome!

While gifted kids can be markedly different than their chronological age peers, and in reaching their milestones can show asynchronous development, they may also, at the same time have a learning disability. When this occurs, the kids are called twice exceptional or 2e. IMO, some of the saddest stories are those in which a kiddo's "quirks" were dismissed or accepted by parents until the child was older and struggling (socially and/or academically and/or with organization and/or time management). I say sad because if these "quirks" had been correctly identified as a learning disability earlier, there are many remediation helps and accommodations available to assist these kids with their development.

Please keep a watchful eye on your child's idiosyncrasies, in case some of the traits may indicate a future need to have testing/assessment for not only giftedness but also for potential learning disabilities.

Thanks Indigo. Sorry for the delay, I'm new enough I'm having moderation issues.

I believe new member's first 5 posts are held for moderation... just three more posts go!