Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school 2 year old Driving me Bonkers!

Okay I'm so frustrated right now! My 2 year old is just out of control!
I had to put him back to bed like 15 times tonight and spanking and yelling seems to be the only way to get him to listen! I hate to spank and i feel so awful. This little guy is super smart and can use it so well to manipulate and cause trouble!
I feel lost on what to do with him. We had a real bad situation the other day with him, that he tries to repeat often.
I was talking to a teacher at my son's school, and my DS2 quickly snuck out the office door to the parking lot. We couldn't find him and thought no he couldn't have gone out one of us would have seen him. We went out to find him and someone said they saw a man take off with a little 2 year old. We were so scared. Luckly it wasn't a weirdo and the guy had him at a store and was going to call the police to help find his mother! Gosh i felt like such a bad mom. But no one would believe me i bet on how truly smart and clever this little guy is.

Okay there was a lady sitting at a desk right by the door and like 4 other teachers or more and we all didn't see him. I'm not super super surprised though because he is so cleaver and sneaky. He waits till you're not looking and totally sneaks. I have to lock the doors at home so he wont go out.
He tries to do this everywhere we go. HE drives me bonkers all day with the things he does. Dumping a bag of flour on the floor, painting the bathroom with my face wash, painting the couch with paint spot making marker things, smashing his brothers creations, etc.
I know it's just what being 2 is like but this guy is so so to the extreme i think because of his giftedness. I know this isn't making lots of sense and isn't very thought out. But do any of you know of any books that would help me, or do you or have you had similar little ones that you have though were just way more out of control..largely because they're extra clever? I don't remember my other gifties being this hard! (i have 4 kids he's #3) I'm ready to ship him off to the Zoo!

Oh man, that does sound tough! I can't believe he was able to sneak away like that. That must have been absolutely frightening!

I have had to reevaluate parenting my two-year-old recently. I felt like I had the normal toddler stuff down pat, but she is doing things now...Well, I feel like we are beyond toddlerdom. She is giving me so much attitude and backtalk and sass. This stuff really gets to me. I really need to ask myself why. And, I really need some more weapons in my arsenal, because I feel so unarmed against her. I try to bestow gentle discipline, but is getting really hard. It takes everything for me not to smack her. I am confident that spanking and timeouts would not work with her. So, yes, I would love some book recs too.

I do think it is important to remember their age, and that even when they are doing stuff or back talking like a five-year-old, they are not five, and it only makes us go crazier when we try to expect them to behave like a five-year-old.

I also try to focus on the good stuff. Tonight, I had my childhood blanket out, and she asked me if it was my "guppie" (her pet name for her special blankie) I said it was. Then she asked, "Do you pretend that your guppie talks to you?" I playfully answered yes, and she snuggled hers and sighed, "I do that too."

That would have scared me to death! My DS who is almost 4 now takes off still on occasion, though much less often then at 2... it seems like he just has this extremely deep sense of trust that I will find him, and he's very curious (to see what's around the corner). Now that he's a little older, clear consequences work to prevent him from doing that (at least when I remember to warn him about it).

What worked best for us at 2 was to remind myself that those traits that are so impossible now are things that will work well for DS as a adult. That and regular babysitting hours, both for novelty for DS and time to regroup for me.

I have two brothers -- it was the impossible one, the couldn't stay-where-he-was-told one who wrecked the block towers and painted the dog, that turned out to be a CEO. The other one, who built the towers, is probably brighter on paper, but is satisfied to lead a less ambitious life.

Polly

Transforming the Difficult Cgild Workbook by Lisa Bravo and Howard Glasser.

See what you think. I think it is time to teach the Greatness of Patience.
And great to see you here!

Love and more love
Grinity

The backtalk drives the hubby bonkers! He's sure strict discipline while they're very young is the only way because you can't control them and keep them from being hoodlums when they're teenagers, it's too late then. I'm the Mamma. I think re-direct but in big-picture daydreamer way: educate, train; let them already be busy enjoying something positive by then they won't be hoodlums. I like to think problems are phases they'll outgrow until time proves me wrong. We'll cross that bridge if we get there.
At least I hope the button-pushing gives way to more constructive hobbies with age and options.
Books:
There's a great thread by Grinnity called "the nurtured heart approach, Transforming the Difficult child". It hasn't solved all of our problems but it's novel approach to time-out has de-escalated our stand-offs and hopefully started ds on the right track to take correction and not make it worse, ie at school. It also reveals that when kids are "asking for a spanking" all day long it's because they're little energy vampires that feed on excitement and intensity. Somehow you have to match the high energy level attention they're craving, but not as a reward for getting in trouble. Somehow you're going to have to be dispassionate when you're correcting him. You really have to buy that cd. It doesn't really have a lot of useful tips on it, but it is a great Opera "aha" moment that will change your angle of perspective. I would have liked more content for my $, but I don't think I would have reached his conclusion without hearing him.

The happiest toddler on the block explores this energy hunger too, but I didn't find it as useful. It recommends responding to toddlers at the same level of energy that they're throwing a tantrum at, to validate that you understand what they are communicating. This cuts the tantrum time considerably. I feel like the window of development that was useful wasn't worth the $. I did end up using his advice that when your little kid asks for something instead of saying "no" say "I wish you could have that". Crazy, but before they're completely coherent that answer let's them know you understand, the answer's "no", but they feel connected rather than rejected. As a pre-schooler I use "no" sometimes "I wish" sometimes. As a toddler "I wish" worked better.

More later, Peace.

That's the big part at this age. I think the nurtured heart was more comprehensive because while the energy exchange was key in both programs the nurtured heart approach suggested how to set them up for success when it comes to listening to you.

Lol, hi!

I had a 2-yr old like that--she is now 4 and it is better. I found this recently and thought it was helpful--Get off your butt parenting: http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=54

And seconding the nurtured heart book.

Good luck!

My 2 year old is intense, demanding, very bright, and clingy with explosive emotions. All beyond the "norm". I feel your pain...

Here is another page from what I linked to above that I think is worth reading: http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=4

edited to add this page: http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=7
The point here being that the first step in effective parenting is communicating love. This is imo the main point of the nurtured heart approach as well.

a LOT of what you describe sounds so familiar. it does get better; we just took down the gate to the kitchen so our 4 can move more freely about because when 2 or 3 she was into EVERYTHING, sneaking or otherwise. Out the front door if not locked/safety capped, etc., but of course we still had to watch like hawks. Now finally there is a bit of peace, but she is still very headstrong, her way or the highway, but that too seems to be a bit more flexible.