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All pink, that's interesting about the twins matching scores. Fraternal twins are technically just like regular siblings right? What about them made you think their scores would have been different?

Grinity, he has a parent teacher conference at the end of this month. I'll see what his teacher has to say. The thing is that she is an excellent teacher and kids of all levels are challenged in class. My son rarely brings home workbook pages and when he does, he has his own little math problems handwritten on the back. But I agree, a kindergartener shouldn't hate school.

Shelly, your situation seems somewhat similar to mine. My dd7 was a very early talker and prefers imaginary play most of the time. She is best friends with the 10 year old girl next door.

Please don't wait a month for parent teacher conference if your child hates school. Conference day is a very stressful time for teachers. Put yourself in the teachers shoes...do you really want a serious situation sprung on you when the meeting might be scheduled every 15 minutes. You don't have to attack the teacher in any way....it is your job as parent to help the teacher by closing the communication loop.

Love and more love
Grinity

I would never do that I wrote her a note a few weeks ago asking if he was having any problems in class because he was crying before school and upset when it wasn't saturday or sunday. He just says that he doesn't like school because it takes too long. I'm not sure if there's more to it than that or not, you know?

Send an email asking for phone call today. You can ask the teacher if she wants to wait or if she wants to schedule an individual meeting beforhand.

Please don't wait for parent teacher conference if your child hates school. Conference day is a very stressful time for teachers. Put yourself in the teachers shoes...do you really want a serious situation sprung on you when the meeting might be scheduled every 15 minutes. You don't have to attack the teacher in any way....it is your job as parent to help the teacher by closing the communication loop.

Love and more love
Grinity

I agree don't wait. My DD5 was going through the same thing in Kindergarten. Stomach ache every morning. Fighting to get dressed and get out the door. Tell us she hated school. One day I told my husband that I was going to send a note to the teacher about what was going on and asked if she knew of anything going on at school that could be contributing to this. She emailed me back that she recommended DD to be tested. I was shocked. It took from when I emailed around the middle of Oct to the middle of November to get her tested. As soon as we got the scores and had our meeting they told us that it was in her best interest to move her to 1st grade. We all agreed that having a 5 year old hating school was a bad thing. She started first grade the Monday after our Thursday meeting the first week of Dec. She's much happier now but we are still seeing issues so once again I need to go back into the school. I have a list of concerns that I will be discussing with the teacher. I want to do it calmly and have my thoughts laid out. I don't want to go in there combative and emotional.

I hope your meetings turn out well.

OK, I've FINALLY read that enough on this board for it to sink in and to finally make it happen for DS7. I called around to local universities and educational psychs and found someone affordable enough for us to consider, AND she even has an opening before we're scheduled to meet with the school admin about next year for both DC.

I talked with her quite a bit about the tests, and about DS7's perfectionism and she said what I thought were the right things, particularly about how to encourage responses other than, "I don't know" or "I'm not sure" which is what I expect him to say a lot.

So, my fingers are crossed that DS stays healthy and cooperates as fully as he can. And thanks, Grinity, for continuing to post this mantra!

Good for you Mama22gs!
I do hope that your son cooperates and is well that day.

In the meantime let's talk about what- if anything- you can do at home to encourage your DS7 to loosen up when the situation calls for it. I guess I'd think of it as afterschooling the social skill or reading a situation and up or down regulating how much care one should put into one answers. Then when the test comes, you'll already have a code word in place to help your son 'trigger' the proper behavior for the occasion.

If you give us some details of where your son tends to get overly perfectionistic, I'll throw out some possible ideas. It's fun to point out in books or movies people who are more or less cautious about saying what they think, ideally you can find some characters who match their responses to the situation. Or you could think about what kind of style different jobs might call for.

Smiles,
Grinity

Thanks, Grinity. That's a very generous offer. Here's one example:

DS7: What does x mean?
Me: What do YOU think it means?
DS7: I'm not sure.
Me: Want to guess?
DS7: I don't want to be wrong.
Me: But you might be right. And if you're not right, that's OK. It's smart to ask or look a word up when you're not sure. Nobody is born knowing what every word means.
DS7: Can I whisper it to you? (even if nobody else is around, he'll frequently say that)
Me: Sure.
DS7 whispers his answer in my ear, which is right much of the time.
If he's not correct, I'll say something like, "I can understand how it would seem like x means y, because it sounds like such-and-such (or whatever)." I'll either tell him then what x means or suggest we look it up in the dictionary.

ETA: If anyone else were around, or if DS were at school, he's very unlikely even to venture a guess unless he's certain about something. He says he can tell me anything, but even with me somehow it's safer to whisper....

We've played a game called Balderdash, and it's pretty fun. That might be good,(or some version using SAT words.) The whole point is that no one in the family knows the real answers.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balderdash

Another game we play is '3 wrong things' - it's good for standing in line. We take turns picking a topic and then ask:"What are 3 wrong things to do with a bowling ball?"
The others answer such as - plant flowers in the finger holes, iron my shirts with a bowling ball, or use it to paint with.

There are no 'wrong' answers - ((happy smile)) by definition. You might want to encourage competition for the 'wrongiest' answer, by encouraging everyone to chant "That is SO wrong!"
We had to make a 'no bathroom answers' rule after the first week.

It's also good to tell family stories about embarassing moments the adults have lived through. It helped my son to know that when folks laugh at a mistake you've made, it isn't exactly that they are laughing AT you, it's more that they are releasing tension they carry about how they would be so embarassed to be in your shoes right now. It's sort of an association/causation error to think that the pain comes from being laughed at.

You might want to try a version of charades such as 'Mistake Theatre' where family members act out 'classic' mistakes and the others try to guess which classic mistake the person is thinking of. Maybe brainstorm the clues as a group first and put them on scraps of paper into a hat so that folks don't have the added stress of picking a topic.

Awesome!
Give another one, please.
Smiles,
Grinity

Very cool, Grinity! We'll play "3 Wrong Things" at dinner tonight. Sounds like great fun!

Since you asked, here's another....

DS9 took his NaNoWriMo book to school to show his teacher/classmates.
I asked DS7 if he wanted to show his NaNoWriMo book to his teacher or his class.
He said he wanted to, but he was afraid. What if she/they laughed at him and said it was stupid?

Not so sure this is perfectionism per se. It's the same with almost everything he does, though. He is very afraid that what he's done isn't/won't be good enough, and that people will make fun of him. He doesn't want to invite friends/family members to things like the spelling bee or his sporting events, because he'd be embarassed if he made a mistake/didn't win.

And one other thing. I asked DC last year, if they could have one wish to have some special power or turn into something else, what would it be (e.g., power to fly, a wizard like HP). DS7's answer: I'd be perfect at everything. I told him I was sorry to hear that, because that would mean he'd have THE most boring life ever. To be perfect at everything meant he'd never have the excitement of learning to do something that he couldn't do before. Maybe I was reading too much into it, but it made me sad to hear that would be his wish.