Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy feeling overwhelmed!!

My son was recently tested for his school's gifted program. He scored pretty high from what I can tell but I feel like I've failed him as a parent. I don't think I've been challenging him appropriately and despite his scores, he doesn't seem like a typical gifted child. He's 10. He likes Bakugan and playing Wii and hates brushing his teeth. He will read if I make him, he will do some math if I make him and getting him to write a half way decent paragraph is impossible. I have been poking around here for days and googling gifted kid stuff but it just doesn't seem like my kid fits.

He attended gifted programs from kindergarten through 3rd grade. He was tested in kindergarten and even though we moved three times (husband is in the army) he was allowed to stay in the program. To be honest, I really didn't think he belonged in the program. I talked to the gifted teacher and she assured me that he was a good fit and he really was enjoying himself and keeping up with the other kids. When we moved from Republic of Korea to Kansas, the Kansas schools required new testing but they were hesitant to conduct it because of my son's classroom preformance. Although he had already been in gifted programs at other schools, that wasn't enough to show that he needed the extra challenge. BUT, they were curious to see how the heck he was in gifted programs but was preforming at or below grade level (4th grade) and decided to do the testing.

He went crazy with the tests!! He wrote an essay, scored 140 on the wisc-iv, told the tester that he enjoyed spending time with her but that learning subtraction facts was hard and would eventually kill him and so on. I don't understand why when he is tested he will do well but in the regular classroom he acts like he will surely die if he does anything but tear up pieces of paper and squirt glue inside his desk.

I don't even know where to begin. Someone help me. I'm not a gifted mom!!

Take heart, LoT5! We're all muddling through as best we can here.

I was identified as gifted. I hated brushing my teeth too. So do my kids.

As for reading, everyone is different. Some of the kids described here devour books, but others don't. I can eat a book for lunch if I really like it, but I don't find very many that I like quite that much. My kids are the same. I especially find that a lot of the mainstream books for kids can be formulaic and very same-y with one another. It doesn't surprise me that my kids don't like all of them, especially if the formula of a series doesn't resonate with them.

Giftedness doesn't mean constantly wanting to read or do math or whatever. It's just a way to say that someone learns a lot faster than other people. That said, everyone is different and some gifted people may want to do academic stuff constantly (though most of the ones I've met like to go to the movies or cook a meal or go the beach sometimes... ).

From what I've learned and observed, some (many?) gifted kids have trouble in the school system because the rote aspects of it don't stimulate them (math facts are a good example here).

I let my eldest learn his multiplication math facts by applying multiplication in other areas (division, etc). I made sure that he knew a small nucleus of them, and then figured he'd memorize the rest over time (he has).

As for squirting glue inside the desk, here are some of the things my son got into trouble for when he was younger:

* Tearing up a piece of paper he lifted from the teacher's desk.

* Squirming too much during circle time in kindergarten

* Playing The Haunted Bathroom with a group of other boys. This was a major scandal, and none of the parents ever really understood why, given that no one got hurt and nothing got flushed.

None of my kids has ever squirted glue inside their desks, but I'll be sure I don't tell them about this idea --- I don't want to inspire anyone.

Okay, I hope that helps. Welcome to the group!

Val

Thanks for the welcome

I spit pepsi on my computer at the "haunted bathroom", that was hilarious, thanks!!

About the math facts... they do timed tests in class and it takes him FOREVER to complete the test. So whatever. It takes me forever to fold a basket of laundry because I hate it so much so maybe that's the case for him??

All the parents thought it was rather amusing, too. But the staff was Very Serious about the whole incident. We all had to go in for individual parent-teacher conferences over it!!

Have you asked your son why he hates math facts?

I get the laundry folded pretty quickly, but you do not want to know how long it can take me to get it put away sometimes.

Val

That is so silly! When my son was in Kinder he drew a picture of a teradactyl (sp??) farting and he got in serious trouble. I busted up laughing every time I thought about it, his teacher was so old fashioned. How can you work with 5-6 yr old boys and not think farting dinosaurs are the best??!!

I will ask him about the facts tomorrow. He took the wisc-iv and his processing speed is really slow, the gifted lady said that can affect timed tests. But still, that wouldn't affect him actually knowing the facts, just how fast he can recall them and write them down right?

I think so, though I'm not an expert. My understanding of processing speed is that you have to take the information in, which means:

* Recognizing the information (e.g. 12- 5 = ?). This means recognizing the numbers and the signs, and then putting it all together to work out what you have to do.

* Then you have to get the answer

* After that, you have to send the new information back out again and get it on paper.

Some (many) people just don't do this super-quickly. That's okay and it doesn't mean they aren't as smart. They might not do well, say, on game shows where they have to shout out the answer before anyone else does or on timed tests. But they might do very well in situations where it's important to spend a lot of time thinking about something.

You might be able to talk to his teacher about the slow processing speed and ask what she can do to help.

Val

Yes, we have a slow-poke here with math facts, and yet he is 10 and doing alright with algebra (online; long story how we got there).
Anyway, rote memorization can be a real pain for gifted kids, until they see a reason to put a chunk of info into their heads, they will hold off... or, in my ds10's case, he would just recalculate each problem, not seeing the need to actually really memorize (which does make it take longer). Then pile on that the anxiety that comes from being on the spot/timed and knowing you didn't do so hot the last 12 timed tests.
When he does other math/harder problems there is less emphasis on the computation being fast, so he forgets to be worried about it and it hardly comes up.

Welcome!

ps, we also had a haunted bathroom thing with our ds and some other kids during a play they were doing, some people were really freaked out, all the kids did was scare themselves a tiny bit; pretty funny stuff!

There are lots of us who feel that way, lol! I have four gifted kids, but none of them is building nuclear reactors in the basement or writing deep, meaningful poetry. Many parents here might disagree, but I think a LOT of that has to do with parental involvement and exposure (which I don't think is bad, mind you; I think it's wonderful, but I just don't have the time and energy and money...). So, we muddle along and are grateful to be in a school system that has offered my kids gifted programs and challenges. Often, my kids seem too "average" to be gifted, but I also think that family dynamics can really affect that. When I'm in the regular classroom, I'm often reminded that my kids are more different than I've realized. When my older children's friends/SOs are around, they comment on how "smart" our family seems. It honestly seems hilarious at times- do we seem extra smart when dd20 is wearing high heels and a mini out in Chicago weather or when sports-obsessed ds8 is going on and on about the Bears' chances? But then I get little flashes of insight that they really are bright (and yes, we're usually as surprised as I just sounded, lol!!). Hang in there, and if you can, hang out in your son's gifted classroom. Unless things are really different where you live, I'm guessing it's just like my sons' gifted classrooms - lots of relatively smart "normal" kids - they still whine, and fight, and goof off, AND have occasional flashes of brilliance!

First off, WELCOME! I can assure you that classroom behavior does not mean a child is NOT gifted! You should research gifted underachievement. YOu will be surprised by the wealth of information you will find that may just describe your son! I can tell you that I have one child ID'd as gifted, though there was no doubt in my mind since birth with that one. I have another DC that is the total opposite as far as being outwardly gifted. Has not been ID'd yet and is young, but I can tell you, that based on his behavior and personality, I won't be surprised if he never is. His drive is TOTALLY different. He doesn't like to read, hates to write, and hates to do anything school related. He has always been laid back and is not a performer. He learned to tie his shoes and I had no idea he knew how until one day he tied them shocking the socks off of me. I asked him how and when he knew how to tie his shoes and he replied, I've known for a long time, I've just never told anyone. His teacher has been caught by a few of these things too, telling me she was shocked when he did something but acted like he's done it forever. I told her he probably did and told her the shoe story. That's just the way he is. He will do it on HIS TIME, when he's ready. When he doesn't do it, doesn't mean he doesn't know how, just that he's not interested in doing THAT time and he may NEVER show you he knows how, because he doesn't obviously see a need in expressing that he can do something. My other child is the total opposite! SO.... like I said, just because he doesn't show it in the classroom, may just have a lot to do with his personality and also a BAD FIT in the classroom. If the school was questioning his scores, obviously they aren't very knowledgable about how gifted underachievement can run rampant in an inappropriate school fit!

I guess slow processing speed could also point to some type of learning or memory deficit, e.g. a person has to always calculate multiplication facts because the person can't remember them. But for that same example in a kid, it should be at least as likely that the kid just hasn't memorized all the facts yet for one reason or another, but is good at remembering how numbers fit together and decent at doing calculation using that knowledge.