Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Are you a gifted parent?

I and my son both did/do some advanced things early, but differently. I was a quite late talker, but then sprung into advanced reading soon after (I went from my first book I taught myself to read, "Little Bear" by Maurice Sendak, to reading "Gulliver's Travels" within months).

My son was very verbal early on and learned to read early, but his reading has sort of plateaued as he has achieved the ability to read what he wants-- which is mostly comic books these days-- and has turned to other interests. Harry Potter is about as far as he can go reading-wise without risking a lot of frustration, and he doesn't seem to be the type to rush to college-age textbooks so far, though he is interested a lot in science and how things work in general.

I had good mechanical problem-solving skills as a kid, but my son is more advanced there. He also has more advanced general problem-solving skills, which are for instance displayed when we play games. He can beat adults (including me and my quite smart wife) at a lot of games we play. He's a demon at Risk-- very hard to beat unless we gang up to stave off disaster. He plays a credible game of chess after little instruction, whereas I know it took me much to pick up that game.

The differences I see in us are interesting. I think that a lot of them are due to environment-- for instance I didn't play nearly as many different types of games, or as often, when I was a kid. I think he would beat the five-year-old me handily in a number of areas, though I was probably more single-minded than him in my focus on a few areas, and probably less easy to distract in general.

My second son is 14 months old and verbally delayed, like me. He has shown some early puzzle-solving abilities that roughly align with some things I learned from my mother about myself. Whether he will be gifted within one definition or another remains to be seen. We were quite worried until I remembered my own delay, and until the doctor told us that second children with hyper-verbal older siblings are more likely to show verbal delays. He's quite physical and very, very determined, again like I was.

Since my dds are adopted, we often wonder if their biological parents would have done great things in the world given an opportunity. Both sets of parents are uneducated.

Nature plus Nurture is a wonderful combination!

[putting my hand up]

This is something I have talked about before. I was considered good at school, but not one person considered that that had any impact on anything else. So my social isolation because I had nothing in common with the other children, or the trouble I unwittingly caused by saying things I knew were true that others didn't want to deal with or the fights I got into over injustices, these had nothing to do with my brain, so they were personality flaws. I recall getting an award (for citizenship) in which the introduction included that I was nonconformist. That became fodder for fights later with my mother screaming she would make me conform I recently found out my school wanted to skip me ahead but my parents wouldn't let it.

That sounds really negative towards them, and I suppose that is a stage I am still going through - the being angry at someone else rather than blaming myself, although I am completely aware that they were absolutely doing the best they could and the conventional wisdom they were receiving was really no help for a child like me!

The fact that all this happened is really a strong motivator to do differently with my own children. Now if I could only figure out 'differently how?'

Wow. Your feelings in that post really resonate with me.

I attended grade school beginning in 1966. I was already reading. I had some wonderful teachers that encouraged me at a time where girls should not be smarter than boys. Gifted did not exist yet - but weird did.

In junior high, ability grouping ended and I learned little during this time. This was a very difficult time for me. My father was dying and I got very little sleep. I remember being too tired to think.

My high school would be considered low performing today, but we did have honors classes. My high school years were turbulent also - my father died and my mother abandoned us. I finished high school, but spent quite a bit of time finding places for my sister and I to stay.

I totally understand the social justice. During high school, I argued to include our black athletes in our homecoming activities. With my friends, we conquered this. Yes, that is hard to believe this was happening in 1975.

I was not prepared for college and had to spend more time catching up to students from other places. I enjoyed learning and loved this part of college. I was asked to major in computer science - application programming (now called CIS). This was a new major and I was guaranteed a job. At this time, the first computer systems were being built and that was really interesting. There were no prototypes and we invented them.

Now, I am in heart failure. My meds and other issues cause me to "forget" often. I work in a tutoring lab at a college and love the people I work with. I have been an instructor, but am only teaching one basic CIS course next semester.

Sometimes, my memory is clear, but often I cannot recall facts or other processes. I know when I should know something, but I can't recall it. This is difficult for me because I have always loved intellectual pursuits and feel like a person with a low IQ. However, all my fairness and sensitivity issues are going full force. I just don't have the energy or mental capacity to do anything about it.

Yes, probably. Two of my grandparents most definitely were, my grandfather is extremely intelligent as far as I am aware. He's a physicist and an inventor of sorts but he's not very nice so we are estranged so I can't ask him about it
I recall sitting a test in grade four with the rest of my class and when the results came back there was a hushed discussion of my marks amongst the teachers and my mother. One of the teacher's own children let me in on the fact that my result was very very high but that I wasn't supposed to know about it. I was back home last week and was going through some old papers of mine in my mother's cupboard and found a test where I scored 80.5 out of 80. The same test had been given to the whole 4/5/6 class and the younger grades were given a handicap score of a few points which is how I managed the ridiculous score. I find it really upsetting to know that the teachers knew I was needing more, I was clearly advanced, and they did nothing! I was so incredibly bored in primary school! I'd sit in silence listening to the teacher desperate to scream in frustration. Unfortunately I was very much a people pleaser and I never once complained. I worked for high grades (and, by extension, approval,) and never for the joy of learning (until I taught myself to play the clarinet as a young teenager, finally something that challenged me!)Now I am one of those adults who never really learned to work for anything and I've not been particularly successful at university. I think only now at 30 do I have the work ethic to be really successful (and by that I mean work to my potential), and I shall soon see as I start a law degree in March...
Geomamma I definitely hear you on the "how" to do it differently!

My brother and I were both gifted. My Dad has been described as a genius in engineering but clueless socially (aspie?). I don't know about my mom, she is a very different sort of person, very intelligent, but daily life tasks seem to overwhelm her. She hated school as a child. My mom wouldn't let my brother and I be pulled out for the special program that our school had just begun for gifted students because she said she thought it was elitist and didn't want us thinking we were somehow better than others.

My brother couldn't tolerate school and actually walked out of class and all the way home a couple times. My mom said at some point I just started putting zeros for all of the answers in the math assignments that were well below my ability level (I don't remember this, but she said she thought it was clever because if you didn't do the work, you couldn't have recess and I was not willing to put effort into non-challenging work so I found a way around it to where I still got to have recess).

We tried 3 or 4 "free" or "democratic" schools in California before finally being sent to a boarding school in England where attending lessons was optional and children and adults were treated as equals. I didn't set foot in a classroom between the ages of 9 and 12 but by the time I did decide to go, everyone else in those classes wanted to be there and wanted to learn so the pace flew very quickly. We never had mandatory homework assignments and I never did more than review the textbooks before exams. I loved every moment of it and although I didn't have to learn organizational and time management skills until I started college, they came to me when I needed them. I was able to skip high school upon returning to the states and I now have a masters degree and have been told I have an amazing work ethic by every employer I've had, so I guess those organizational traits don't necessarily have to be hammered in so early on in order to develop. I always sort of wondered what heights I might have reached if I had gone through the gifted program and had been pushed, but I had a very happy childhood and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Both of my DD's are gifted: my oldest is adopted and her biological parents never went past high school (I don't think that was due to lack of intelligence though), she just graduated college at the age of 20 and is starting grad school this spring (in addition to working 2 jobs and volunteering as a big sister -yes I'm very proud!!!), my youngest tested even higher than her big sister but didn't get the people-pleasing/hoop-jumping gene that big sis had and she has hated school. In hind sight, I wish I would have sent her to Summerhill (my boarding school).

My youngest and her difficulties with school led me to this fabulous forum, I just wish I had known more about the problems of highly gifted children in crappy schools. I wish I had been able to take more time off work to advocate for her more in school or at least been able to move back to a better district. Oh, well, I am trying to make up for it now, better late than never.

Ellipses, i was born in '78. That personal info you wrote is why this Board just says gifted issues. The whole family has issues �^� .That's a smiley face standing on it's head. I was browsing Amazon reviews about Ram Dass book Remember Be Here Now. Someone complained rightfully that the readership was old hippys. I know many; they are in their 70's now. His original book, Be Here Now was for them in their thirty's. That was great and right on for that group at that age. The complaint was that Remember Be Here Now was just a rememberance of things learned in Be Here Now and the poster was hoping for an evolution from such an insightful man to help put perspective on the 70 year old's stage of life. So, ellipses, you be many of our next evolution. Stick with us and let us talk you through this because it will help us when it's our turn. Thanks for sharing. And HelloBaby, thanks for asking.
Ellipses, I forgot by now if you participated in the flylady forum. But it's not the time to turn back time. Maybe you can expand your potential from here. Flylady will help you make before bed and wake up habits. I haven't looked into situational awareness because I'm working on family self discipline habits, my kid's are young. Maybe situational awareness training can help you divide your focus between multiple situations simultaneously which will multiply your working memory capacity. And don't give up. A 15 yr old boy won the young scholars award for successfully turning skin cells into stem cells in mice. I could be wrong about who won and what the award was, but the story about what happened is right. They might be able to grow you a new heart with your very own individual DNA here within your lifetime. Hold on a minute. That was insensitive of me to point out. I don't do well offering comforting words but I'm just good at offering friendship during your time of need. I might not be what you want, but I'll be here to talk if you want to. It's too late to eat right and exercise. Not that you didn't. I can't believe my friends still want to talk to me when they have illness and injury and heartache because this is really how I talk, but they do. (scratches head). I'm not good at it, but I guess it's just because I'm willing to try/i guess. At least there's many conversations. Links. And book recommendations here to keep the ol' brain fired up in our spare time.

Apparently I was good with puzzles and had good language skills when I was very young. But life got very busy for the parents and a younger sibling arrived. I've always learned things very fast. My younger sibling was recognized as "gifted" in math. I was not recognized.

Now that half my life is over, and that I have my own child, I understand more who I am.

But with my child now, everything is with a new perspective. The person I could have / might have been. Oh well. I will start anew.

I've learned some techniques to manage my intensities and intend to help my child ... but even then, not that many people understand. I fear for my own child's future intensities.

There is time now to do all the things I love, even if we have to eat toast every day, it is worth it, to spend some time/money to enjoy something creative and wonderful. Just take your kid with you, right?