Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion How to handle the Santa issue?

Asynchronous holidays, how I dread thee!

DD is 8.5 and still really believes in Santa - and the tooth fairy. I do wish that she had outgrown it before this year, or had transitioned to willing herself to believe. I think this year, she is going to end up disappointed.

She just changed her Christmas wish list and now she wants a wii. Unfortunately, I have already shopped for her and spending more isn't an option right now and I can't return what I already bought. I know that disappointment is a normal part of growing up, but this time I wish I could give her what she wants.

I did put the idea in her head that now that she is transitioning from being an only child to having a sibling AND from being the only granddaughter to being one of four that there might be less presents this year. She told me that she had already considered that and answered that she knew Santa would bring the wii because she had been especially good this year.

When school goes back in Jan, dd is going to bump up a grade on a trial basis. And while I don't think she should be rewarded or bribed for this, I'd love for her to have one more magical, little girl Christmas.

We still use, those that believe in Santa get presents from Santa. I have an 18 and an 8 year old, 18 year old plays along and I have not asked the 8 year old about it. I figure if he hasn't figured it out he will at some time. It's still fun that all of us DW included still believe in Santa, make wish lists and get presents from Samta, however one year I did get coal in my stocking.

This is certainly a fun "proof."
http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson821.html

We chose to let the elf out of the bag when our son skipped into 5th at age 8. His 4th grade class seemed to be evenly split, whereas the 5th graders were primarily non-believers. We didn't want him to fall prey to any teasing.

We set it up as a right of passage for him, and that he was now taking on the great responsibility of preserving the joy for his younger siblings. In case the warm-fuzzy approach to requesting his cooperation didn't, we threatened a stocking full of coal were he to blow it.

So far so good.

I think it's time to fess up and let her have a good long cry or two - and sooner is better than later. You are a human, and have human limitations and frailities - such as not being able to anticipate a wish list change.

I think she will be better able to handle the truth than to think Santa is dis-ing her.

Easy for me to say, as we never did the Santa thing. DS, at 3, used to cry himself to sleep about 'all the children who have parents who lie to them.'

OTOH - those tightfaced complaints from the daycare teachers about DS spoiling other kids fun weren't fun.

I feel so much compassion for you to see DD headed for disapointment.
Grinity

DD5 outed the tooth fairy earlier this year. She started loosing teeth early and by the third one she asked outright who the tooth fairy was. I asked her who she thought it was and said she didn't believe in fairies so she wasn't sure. I can't remember the whole conversation but it became apparent she felt pretty confident the tooth fairy wasn't real, though she was unsure how it worked. She suggested we look it up online, LOL So I figured I was better off telling her than her finding out from the PC! She was fine and I explained why we pretend and how it adds a little bit of magic (problem is dd isn't a big believer in magic).

She's kind of on to the easter bunny - she believes it's someone dressed up in a bunny suit because a rabbit could never carry all those eggs. Santa she's still accepts - I think because there are so many things that help her support her belief - we even have a post box here in the city you can use to post a letter to santa and he will reply. But there have been a few times she has gone to ask something about santa and then stopped herself, which is when I suspect she is having doubts. But I think for now she likes to believe.

Re the OP - I'd tell. I just think you get to a tipping point where they can see through it and I (and this is just my personal feeling) feel it's more respectful to them to recognise that they have figured it out (unless they're obviously wanting to believe like some of the other posters have mentioned). Especially if they are having a hard time reconciling a perception of injustice. I wonder if for some (though no doubt not all) of our kids a bit of an explanation of the history of Father Christmas might help? How I am going to explain the santa post box I don't know. Perhaps I'll just mention that adults get a bit of a kick out of the magic of santa too.

Very funny Dandy. On a serious note, I belive each child is different and will have different ways of dealing with the truth. And how it is presented to them will matter a lot to. I was 7 when I had an argument with one of my step fathers about Santa being real, he insited it was not and used the dictionary to prove it to me. I was very mad at him about, Fictional Charecter. Maybe thats why we still keep the fun of it going, even after DS 18 new (About 8 or 9), we still had presents from Santa for him.

Last summer my 6 year old son gave me a laundry list of reasons as to why he didn't think Santa was real...too many kids to visit, elves making toys you can find in stores, etc. I thought that as long as he asked me if Santa exists, I could put it back on him. However, as soon as he started telling me that he didn't believe in Santa then I wasn't comfortable with perpetuating the myth. My husband was 100% opposed to this, and thought we should try to convince him that Santa was real. We compromised and instead had a nice conversation about the spirit of Christmas and giving. I didn't say there wasn't a Santa, but instead that some people don't believe in Santa but celebrate the idea of Santa. He didn't ask any more questions and I figured that was the end of it for while. Until last month, when he started crying and saying that he didn't know what to believe - he used to think that Santa didn't exist, but with Christmas getting closer, now he does. He was borderline distraught. I was really torn; I didn't say much and just comforted him. I'm not sure if it was talking to other kids, or having teachers and adults talk about Santa, but he has turned a 180 since last Summer. He searches for Elf on the Shelf every morning, he specifically asked to visit Santa, and even wrote him a letter with his wishes. I think when Christmas passes and all the presents are opened, then he may explore his skepticism once again. I have no idea if he will figure it all out by next year. We're just enjoying this Christmas, watching him so enthralled. It doesn't matter if it's because he truly believes, or just wants to believe, but it's really sweet to watch.

My 7 1/2 year old grade skipped 3rd grader has nearly singlehandedly convinced his class that their doubts are ridiculous and that of course Santa is real. He has sold them on the idea that mall Santas are just hired help because the real Santa is too busy supervising the elves to make visits to the mall. We didn't provide him with that explanation, he just concocted it to fit his need and provided it to his class. I've received 3 different emails from parents happy they get another Santa holiday this year!

Asynchrony is always so strange! We were at Disney World recently and my son was 100% sure Tinkerbell could really fly. And yet spent 10 min explaining the physics of Tower of Terror to someone in line so they knew they wouldn't really plummet to the ground. I just shake my head- sometimes in confusion, mostly in awe how his brain manages to sort it all out!

I am dealing with the same issue right now with my DD who is 8.5. If feel like I could have wrote your post. My DD is really torn. She wants to know whether or not Santa is real on an intellectual level, but she doesn't want to know in her heart. Recently when she asked I answered by saying "you don't want to know" so I could feel out whether or not she was ready to know. She cried and said the knew it was me. She seemed to put that out of her mind shortly after that and now still continues to question whether or not Santa is real. I know she is not ready to know and knowing would break her heart, so I continue to be evasive with answers.

In our house we say that you need to believe in the spirit of Santa or he won't come. My 14 and 12 year olds still like to play along and I am sure they will continue until they move out. Over the years I have left the wrapping of the presents until close to Christmas and have remained on alert knowing that right up to the last minute I may have to make a quick return and purchase something else. I have also come up with other solutions like saying that I'm sure it is too late to change you mind now as there are a lot of kids in the world and Santa probably already has your toy ready and packed (or a similar mistruth).

Good luck. Every child is different. When my boys asked they were quite ready to know and already knew, but just wanted my acknowledgement. With them it was a non-issue.

At this point, I'd let it go and let him figure it out. A little more time continuing the Santa charade isn't going to make him feel more lied-to, and he can come to grips with the truth on his own terms.

We dealt with it by me fessing up to the boy. It made my wife very angry, and it took a while for the furor to die down in the family (I was amazed that it was such a hot-button issue for them). I feel bad about telling him, since he's been kind of mopey about it just recently (I guess kids at school are excited already), but at the time I just didn't want to lie to him. My wife is pushing hard to encourage our one-year-old to believe as long as possible, and I don't know what to do. I think that if we keep up the act for DS1's sake, DS5 will probably get some vicarious enjoyment out of it, which is one good thing.