Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments How important are intellectual peers?

We went to our local gifted conference and heard the heads of local HG schools talk about their programs. When asked what was the best part of the schools, each included in their response that the kids get to be with other kids that are like them.

I went on a tour of one of the schools, and I got teary-eyed; there were classrooms full of kids just like my DS6. They work one year ahead on curriculum, and at a faster pace so they get to do all kinds of neat extra stuff that there isn't time for in a regular classroom.

DS6 is currently in our local public school, grade-skipped one grade with additional acceleration for math/LA. The school is doing its best with him, but they aren't set up to deal with kids like him, and there aren't other kids like him, at least not that I know of. The grade skip plus the year ahead/faster pace at the HG school looked like a perfect fit for DS right now.

Of course, the catch is that there might not be space for DS next year. Oh - and it would mean a 45 minute drive each way (but it's close to my work, so not so bad for me). But it just seemed so perfect; I wish he could go right now.

Just curious - how have others felt about the importance of intellectual peers, especially in early elementary school? Before I visited this school, and talked to these kids, I thought we would worry about peers in a few years. But now, seeing how there were herds of these kids, happily liking school because they are now challenged, reading the same books DS reads, I'm thinking it might be important now too.

It has been amazing for us. While one of my kids plays well with anyone, she does connect in a different way to gifted peers. For the other one the difference is even more marked. I really feel that it gives the kids a great benefit, not just socially but in many other ways. People comment that you have to let kids be kids; ironically, being among gifted kids lets them do that. In other environments, my dd would be the odd one that is reading the books she reads, or talks about certain things. Surrounded by similar kids, they are not marked by the reading or their advanced math...

I also love to see how their ideas grow from each other, the inventions they come up with, etc.

It has been great for DS. We had the same experience as you did, St pauli girl, on the school tour...we walked around and noted LOTS of kids "just like DS." One kid preferred to write in his journal on the carpet under a desk, and it wasn't looked down upon!!! etc, etc.

Our son is there this year, and it has been an AMAZING change from the past 2 years where DS was in the gifted program in a regular school. I really think a gifted school does make a difference in early elementary. Nan

Like most things, I think this depends on the child. IME, some kids will find a "home" in an HG school, but for various reasons, others won't find the peer group a better fit.

Pros:
1) Kids learn from one another at high levels and smart kids may teach each other a great deal.
2) Work is generally more appropriate, even if not really appropriate.
3) Quirky kids may be more accepting of quirky kids which may help social acceptance of a quirky kid.
4) Enrichment may go farther and be worth more than a typical classroom.
5) Interests are more likely to be shared with a group so a kid reading HP at 6 will other kids doing the same and can discuss interests.
6) Extracurricular activities reflect the peer group and will likely include earlier science fair, math olympiad, chess, scholastic bowl, etc.

Cons:
1) There aren't "herds" of these kids anywhere and an outlier may still be an outlier and still bored.
2) HG programs are taught by elementary teachers. I haven't met one willing to learn enough geometry or algebra or calculus to teach it to a younger elementary child.
3) Acceleration and enrichment and an HG environment doesn't fix the pacing, pacing, pacing issue.
4) Many behavior issues are often attributed to GT issues and a concentration of those kids can have a lot of behavior issues.
5) Schools have a vested interest in preventing real acceleration with the "what will happen next year?" question. Unless teachers are willing to allow a kid to progress, it's still lock-step education with more advanced peers and a more advanced curriculum.
6) Many teachers confuse more appropriate work with more work, so a kid may have much more homework at a young age in order to reach his/her mythical potential.
7) Having a GT or HG program doesn't make a school district any less rigid, bound to procedures, or inclined to make exceptions for exceptions. A flexible, reasonable HG program would be ideal, but I've never seen one.
8) What an HG program claims in presentations and what actually happens in the school may be quite different things. I'd seek info from a variety of families with direct experience of the school.

I believe there are wonderful HG programs in public schools. I'm grateful for them, but there are plenty of examples of kids alone in school districts willing to be flexible and develop what will work for a given situation. Those situations may be better than a rigid HG school. I do not believe that having HG peers solves many issues, especially in elementary school.

Thanks for your thoughtful replies, everyone. You've given me more to think about. Re: friends--DS6 has basically one friend, who he has known since birth, who likes a lot of the same things DS does. DS does not make a lot of friends in school, but he gets along with everyone. I think back to my childhood, and how I didn't meet any "soulmate" friends until I was 16 (when I met one), and then at college age. I think, "wouldn't it be nice if DS had opportunities earlier to find like-minded friends?"

I guess my other concern is that DS is a teacher pleaser. He will not complain, and he doesn't want to stand out, but he's never been excited about school. I think we could make any school situation work, but I'm thinking that DS would thrive if he were in another setting, where he wouldn't be standing out so much. But then again, next year I think they do start a cluster program in the local district. It wouldn't be an HG cluster, but it would likely be better than nothing.

I will definitely talk with families of kids in the HG school.

I think it is pretty darn important for some, my ds10 has had serious issues with not finding kids to hang with that get him. The gt program has helped and 1 or 2 kids his age seem to click with him, but his 2 best friends are 2 years older. I have skipped my dd4 into K, thankfully, and she is really making some better connections now. I did not think she had it too bad because she is pretty outgoing, but the k teacher has remarked a couple times on how much better socially she seems in this new setting than before. She would just play by herself previously.

Ds10 is decided against any of the magnet middle schools because he would have to 'start over' trying to get to know people and, again, at the regular middle school he will finally get to hang out in school with his best buddies, at least for 1 year.

Hi,
This really re-inforces the notion, for me anyways, that it isn't about "giftedness" in the other kids. This would relate to also gifted adults looking for understanding, that it isn't other gifted or not adults.

It is just the simple fact (whether gifted or not) that the other kid/adult is mature enough to be accepting of someone who is a different. For kids, I believe the parents have a big influence on that, on how their own kids behave with other children who are different.

Just a thought.

This topic made me think of my older son, age 12 ... Gifted academically and is also a very, very good athlete. He can't seem to figure out where the heck he fits in The athletes don't really accept him because he's "too smart", is in all the "academic competitions", plays piano, is sensitive, and is the only boy who plays the violin in the orchestra ... Oh, and I swear we are the only family around here who doesn't hunt. The smart kids don't really accept him because he hangs out with the "unsmart, mean, jocks" (not my wording!)It seems like he's always flip-flopping between the two "groups". Luckily he's confident enough, and does have a few close friends, but wow ... He hasn't really found an accepting, comfortable place yet, sigh. Peers, hmmm...Do any of you have this situation?

We are seeing this in pre-k. Lots of discussions with the teacher about ds socializing.
They like him and he plays with them, but they don't "get" him, he talks about things they don't understand. It makes me sad and worried. So far we haven't found any true peers and haven't yet found older kids willing to engage him. He's most happy with us, especially dh. I am so hoping this is just early rather than predictive. Fingers crossed for the gifted school options to work out for next year.

DeHe

It reminds me of something my DS said when he transitioned from rec soccer to travel soccer. He said, "All the kids are really good, they understand the game, and they keep score!" I think what he was saying that all the kids were like him. I think it is important to find some area where people "get" you, could be sports, could be music, could be art, could be academics. So much depends on the kids personality.