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Interesting ride home from school today. First, let me start by saying that DD is a master at telling stories. She can make one up on the fly and repeat it verbatim later on. The same with her songs. And always with full range of emotion that is fitting to the story.

I state that for what is to follow. DD informed me that some of the boys hit her today. She went on to name the three boys and had a very detailed account of what happened. As I asked additional questions her story became even more real and my heart started racing. I asked if they were playing a game and she said 'No, definitely not playing. They didn't do it on accident either and I don't want to be friends with them anymore.' I asked where the teacher was and she informed me she was there and when I asked what the teacher did DD stated she gave them a timeout. I also asked if they ever did this before and she said it was a daily thing. I pushed a few times to see if she was making it up and she assured me that they hit her and mind you with tears and a trembling voice. I was incredibly upset by all of this and was ready to turn the car around and talk to the head mistress but figured it would be best for all involved to just get home and make a phone call. When I informed DD that this was serious and no child has the right to hit another and I would need to call the school because the most important thing for me is that she is protected ... she just laughed and said 'I made it up Mommy. They didn't really hit me.' I tried many an angle after that: The you don't need to protect them. Mommy and Daddy are here to ensure you are safe and you should always tell us about anything, etc. She stuck to her guns and insisted that it was only a story.

Now I have no idea. I still think we need to talk to the school but I definitely don't want to go in with guns blazing. Any ideas on how to approach this?

That's a tricky one! The good thing is, though, that is should be pretty easy to confirm or deny since your DD said that the teacher put those boys in timeout. You could just ask the teacher if that was, in fact, the case and then if so talk to her about the daily hitting. I'm really hoping for your DD's sake that it was, in fact, a story!

DD's also going through a phase where she makes up things ALL THE TIME. It's so hard to know if she's playing or not (well, unless she does her pretend cry, then it's obvious). She keeps making up pain and saying that she's hurt when she's clearly not. Normally she just wants some hugs/attention but it does make it tricky because I don't know if it's a drop everything emergency or not. The other thing that she's been doing is getting "stuck" lately (her favorite is sliding her body between the arm rest on our computer chair because her head won't fit through anymore. Then I hear a loud yell "Stuck mommy!!". Sometimes she really is... sometimes not.

I already mentioned the boy stood in front of me butt naked and told me he already did put on his underwear. This lying is new to me and it is getting wild. I have to think that a teacher would tell you if katelyn was hit. Physical contact is such a huge thing, I mean it's a big thing. I think they would have told you. Of course you should ask. But if it was a tall tale what are you going to do. When I grew up there was a lot of moral fables but I want to avoid religion. I also want to let the boy go through age appropriate experimentation. I would like some perspective on this.
BTW on the off chance that she was telling the truth the first time you'll have no problem shooting from the hip once the reality sinks in if the teacher says you're daughter was hit, she put the boys in timeout and didn't think it was worth telling you.

What a morning. My DH took DD to school which is the normal routine. And of course the teacher wasn't there. He did talk to the other teacher and DD held to her story. He then talked to the head mistress and voiced his concerns. The school took it very seriously and spent the morning interviewing the kids involved as well as all the teachers just in case the incident occurred while another teacher was monitoring the class/group. The kids did not admit to doing anything but the head mistress said this would be a normal reaction. She also made it clear to all that hitting is not tolerated and they would be sent to the office with their parents called.

The bottom line is they took it very seriously.

While talking to her I connected some dots about yesterday and DD. When DD came home she was not herself. She was really angry; anger to a level I have never seen before. I assumed it was due to the night before and trick or treating leading to her just being exhausted. But she could be acting out due to being attacked at school. Then this morning she didn't want to go to school and when asked she held to the story about the boys hitting her.

<Sigh> We will have to watch her closely. I do appreciate the school taking this seriously and not blowing it off. The more I think about this the more I fully believe something happened yesterday. The fact that DD held to her story when talking to the teacher makes me think something happened. If it was just a made up story she would have refused to talk.

Now the tricky part. I fully believe she was picked on but I don't believe all of her story. I need to talk to her about it but I don't want her to think we don't believe her yet she needs to understand it isn't okay to make things up. Any suggestions? I thought about the boy who cried wolf but that might be too much right now ... in the idea of hits too close to home and she might take it as we don't believe her.

This is very similar to my dd3--I never know what really happened and what she is making up...I wish I could make myself invisible and observe so I knew the truth. Glad the school seems to be handling it well.

You know I hadn't thought of that. She could have been exaggerating rather than making up the story. You know wishful thinking like we all do after the fact. Like somebody made fun of you then later on you think of the perfect response. Then you tell dh what happened only you end the story with "and then I said such and such and that shut her up. You should have seen the look on her face.". And he says "really?" and then you say "no, but I should have if I thought of it."
So maybe the kids did secretly bully her and since she didn't see it comming she didn't respond right away, didn't realize how angry she was, didn't tell the teacher. And she stewed over it because she thought it was too late to tell. And by the time she told you she adding in her wishful thinking, that she fought back, that she reacted in time, that she told the teacher and had them put in time out. That or she's got a chemistry test she forgot to study for and she's faking it to get out of class.

I agree that something most likely happened, and think you handled it well. DS5, then 3, came home from preschool one day and said that another little boy had done something quite disturbing to him. After I. And my wife started interrogating him, his story changed in a few particulars, which made me question his veracity until I realized he was changing the story out of worries he,d done the wrong thing (e.g. he added a fact that he'd gone right to the teacher for help). We reported it, the school took it seriously, and in the end I believed him completely.

gosh this is just awful - either way it presents a dilemma - how to handle bullying or how to handling lying.

Perhaps having a conversation with her about options when the incident started - go tell the teacher - find other friends to play with - what to say to defuse a bully - all that kind of stuff might clarify what actually happened. We had some scenarios with DS 4 - but what were you doing before he hit you - oh I knocked down his block tower. Your DD is older so I doubt its that simple but perhaps you could get to the bottom of the nagging feeling by talking about her day prior to the incident? But it does sound like she is really internalizing something - so maybe some extra doses of cuddling and not doing anything or reading together, whatever she likes to get her to open up. This is so tough!!

Good luck and sending some cyber hugs!

DeHe

I think that you responded appropriately and that the school heard your concerns. Unless you feel that there are unresolved issues going forward, I would not keep quizzing DD about what happened exactly that day. Figure out where to go from here, maybe get a plan in place with the teacher and let the details go. If there is some story telling going on, you may be encouraging the behavior by giving her attention around the issue. I can't remember how old your DD is. Sometimes I think that they either can't distinguish reality from their story or they don't know how to get out of it once the story has gone on too long.

When my DD8 was in pre-K, she came home from school telling me that Abby was hitting her. DD and Abby had had some disagreements in the past but nothing physical. DD was tearful and dramatic every day. She was very consistent in her story. I asked her all kinds of questions and got indignant. I told her that no one had a right to treat her like that and gave her advice on how to handle the situation, i.e. use your words, go to the grownup, etc. I went and spoke to the teacher when it became apparent that DD couldn't handle the situation. It turned out that DD was lying BIG TIME. Abby was having a rough time and was being treated poorly by some other kids in the class. Consequently, the teacher had been watching Abby closely. The teacher said that DD and Abby did not interact. Abby had been withdrawn all week and getting some extra attention from the teacher to try and draw her out.

When I talked to DD and asked her why she said Abby hit her, she didn't have a good response. I don't know if DD was trying to get extra attention because Abby was getting some extra attention. It was very hard to sort it out. I came to the conclusion that DD was getting something out of my reaction. After that, I worked with the teacher and told DD that we would touch base with the teacher for a few minutes at the end of each day. DD could bring up any concerns and I could find out if there were any problems. Some legitimate problems came out that she had never mentioned to me but I never heard another "Abby hit me" story again. Maybe it was her way to ask for help in a way that she knew that I would respond?

DD is 4 (August baby). And I did probe trying to see if she provoke something but it doesn't seem like she did and to be honest I would be shocked if she did. She is a sweet, quiet little girl. She never acts out in school and every day she comes home with the perfect '5' for behavior. This is why I was shocked at her behavior last night. I have never seen her so angry.

I do like your ideas about talking to her about how to handle the situation the next time. She might be more willing to talk.