Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy ok to not challenge son for two years?

I�m new to this site, so feel free to give me input on the format of my post or how to use this site. Seems like a great site, BTW.

My 9 yr son is all around gifted with iq 147. He�s at his 4th grade level in a Montesori school where he gets little challenge, despite my protests.

I�m frustrated and thinking: �what�s so bad with him not being challenged for a few years? If my son stays at grade level, and not challenged until taking advanced courses in Junior HS, won�t he have a better chance of �fitting in� socially?�

My question: Is it ok for him to be bored at Montesori for 4th and 5th grades, and then get challenged in the 6th grade public school, where they have gifted and talented math and English programs?

My son seems happy, so I�m thinking it�s ok to �hold course� with non-challenging work at Montesori for two years, but I�m wondering how big of a down side is there to my �hold course� thinking?

Any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks.

If he's happy in school and you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, I think it's fine.

But I would find a way for him to get challenged outside of his school environment. Sign him up for foreign language class, learn a musical instrument, take up a new sport, sign him up for online math curriculum. There are lots of ways to do it. Something that will force him to face a challenge on a regular basis. That should help make switching over to an environment where he's faced with challenge and actual work not quite such a shock!

Another vote for "if he's happy, I wouldn't worry."

By not challenging his gifts, when the time comes when he must do something that is difficult, he will balk at the attempt becuase it has been so easy for him for so long.

Gifted potential, like muscles, must be exercised so they can be used when called upon.

I also think it might be a good idea for him to undertake a challenging pursuit outside of school. But if he's happy I wouldn't sweat it too much.

Have you researched the sixth grade gifted and talented program? My fourth grader was MUCH better off last year at his Montessori school than he is in the "gifted" program at the local public. We will have to make a change for next year.

I vote for getting him involved in something stimulating (and challenging) outside of school, at the very least. Is there some sort of project that he'd find interesting? My son has been greatly enjoying Lego Mindstorms lately, and I think it's the sort of thing most kids would probably enjoy.

Oh - my 4th grader is obsessed with Lego Mindstorms right now too! Great open ended fun learning.

Hi - Here's a link detailing what kids don't learn when they are not challenged at school:
What Kids Don't Learn

While I agree that happy is good, I definitely would try to get your DS involved in something that will challenge him, and if possible, at the school level. I would worry that your DS might not think that school is a place for learning, and then when the chance to learn and be challenged in school does come up, it might cause some difficulties.

I agree with the other posters. If he is happy than I wouldn't pull him out but I would look to supplement outside of school. Foreign language, chess, music, etc ... all good examples. And the reason for the supplemental is to give him a challenge. We all need to learn the art of learning so when the time comes and the work becomes challenging you won't hit a wall.

I also agree not to assume the gifted program is that advanced. I would do a little digging and find out the curriculum. Do they spend a lot of time on review? Just because the program has gifted in the title doesn't necessarily mean it is all that advanced.

I agree with what's been previously posted here. One thing you might want to try is giving your DS some fairly challenging work/project at home that you know is interesting to him and that you're certain he could do given some time and effort, and then see how he reacts. For example, I would see it as a red flag if he has fits about not being able to do the work perfectly the first time, or that the project is "just too hard" or too much work. If that's the case, I would dilligently start looking for other challenging opportunities to consistently work into the routine.

Yeah, what they said! Seriously, we went through this with DS7 to an extent. He was afraid to do things that he was afraid would be too hard. It was based in large part to the fact that up to that point he hadn't had to work for anything. When he was presented with a challenge, he balked. Fast forward a year and he's gotten over it, but I wonder if it had gone on for a longer period if it would have been so easily corrected.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.
Good point, if things are easy, you miss out on learning to handle difficult problems. I hadn't thought about that. �It's not that I'm so smart , it's just that I stay with problems longer .� Albert Einstein
Good ideas too about developing other interests in music, sports, Lego Mindstorms, etc.. The internet is irresistible to my DS (and me) but I think for the good of our family we need to break that habit.
As for the G&T program in the public school, my DD went through it in grade school. It was a not too good pull out program, but it did get better in the 6th grade with dedicated classes for G&T math and English.
Thanks again.

Good post. I wonder the same thing. Will our kids really lose their potential if they are stagnant for years. That is my fear. It is just so sad to me a kid in school for years not learning. I just have no other choice by me. CTY is my only option for some help. I just hope it is enough.

Yep isn't that the truth. We had to leave a "gifted" program because it was not gifted. It was not advanced just a label. We had to do a skip to get some accelerated material.

Today I saw my DS�s math test, with the usual 100% grade. My DS, who's reserved and hardly complains about anything, told me �they expect you to study for the test, but there�s no need to, it is so simple. The only time I make a mistake is when my brain falls asleep, because it is so boring�.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Anyone else hearing alarm bells besides me?

I totally agree! That is my biggest fear. DS's grade skip did not bother me as much as fearing he is continuing to lack the challenges he needs.

OP - your son's lack of complaining & that math test statement would be a worry. Just because they don't come out & say they're unhappy, are we supposed to leave well enough alone or are comments like that in their head & they just don't share them.

I do not think it's ok not to challenge them for 2 yrs but DS is pretty much in that boat & I have not found a solution for it yet. Afterschooling is ok but sometimes feels like extra work to DS. It would be nice if challenges are instead of easy work, not in addition to regular school.

I have tried to make the after school challenges more like fun. Chess, lego robotics, nature classes. I think this helps.

I also think showing by example helps. I got some problem solving Math books and did them with my son. I showed how it was fun for me and tried to be ambitious about it.