Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion A plea from a gifted adult.

Really, a lot of it too is that I'm weaving in extra information as you ask more questions of me - you've asked some information about my thoughts on things and I'm telling you what I think.

Certainly. But it doesn't make sense to put the standards you set for yourself onto other people. It's not even logical to do so. People are different, with different values and different abilities, and that's a normal part of the world. The things that you talk about--genocide, etc.--are awful, but they are understandable, and you cannot change them without taking the time to understand them first.

As far as I'm aware, current understanding of them seems to imply that these are pretty much universally bad things, though. I don't necessarily think understanding an event necessarily makes it instantly not contemptible.

Unless I've misunderstood your statement in some way, and if that's the case, can you elaborate?

If what you feel for people who have been involved in despicable events is contempt or hatred, IMO either your reaction is not rational, or you have not fully understood the sociological and psychological circumstances involved. The rational reaction to a despicable event, once it is understood, is to feel pity or sorrow for the people involved. Now, I'm not saying that one must always act rationally; but you seem to be saying that those who do not act rationally ought to be despised.

I believe that the feeling of contempt--that sense that others are less than oneself and ought to be despised--is the very emotion that is behind much (nearly all?) of the world's problems...including genocide.

Oh look, as a student myself, I have to agree with you about the vast majority of students. Not because they aren't as smart as me - I don't know if they are or aren't - but because they don't care! They are not there to learn about something they find interesting, they are there to earn a grade doing the bare minimum they can get by with so they can go to the tavern and get drunk. Yes, it's frustrating. No, I don't socialize with them often. Why would I? I have nothing in common with them. I don't bear any ill-will to them, except that they do make my life in the classroom boring and a lot less engaging than it would otherwise be. I just had to vent that too. I come home and rant to my DH and get it out of my system. You have to let it go, if for no other reason than hanging onto it makes you feel bad

What has been my saving grace has been two-fold. 1) enjoying the company of some commonalities when they occur and 2) Having one person I do feel really comfortable with. I am lucky to have that.

Another thing is that I have gotten a lot better at chasing people I can see any possibility of that connection. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now, ACh. I hope it gets better for you. I think the age you are at is a tricky one too. I don't mean that in a condescending way, so I hope you are not insulted, I just mean that it is a exciting but incredibly difficult time for many people as they go through it, and more so as a gifted person. I'm kind of glad to be - ahem - well through it

Sending hugs

ETA: Ok, I KNOW my statement about most students is a complete exaggeration and in a more charitable mood I wouldn't say 'tavern' I would probably say they are busy working or something like that because I know that a lot of them probably are. But I also understand the sheer frustration of sitting in a class while the lecturer explains for the third time something those students should have learned three years ago. It does lead one to exaggerations.

I also wanted to add a specific survival strategy for that situation. Doodling. Honestly some of my lecture notes were almost unreadable for all the fantastic artwork surrounding them. Saved my sanity many times

Here's a thought: you can choose, if you like, to have a career that takes you to work with people who are cleverer than you at what you do. (Logically in a given field there must be one person who can't do that - but even that person could achieve much the same effect by switching fields every decade or so! You are highly unlikely to be that person, anyway; there are many people who feel as out of peers as you do while they are students.) This is probably a cheering thought. You might like to think about what attitude you'd like to experience from those people who are better than you at what you do, and cultivate it in yourself towards others.

Neither do I. I think if you adjust your approach a little bit, you would actually sound more confident, more straightforward, and maybe even a little bit smarter. But you could very well interact with others in a different way from what you've presented here, and almost certainly do speak differently, so it may not be that important. It seems unimportant to dissect the sources of my opinion; I don't mean to be insulting, and you seem fine with the way you present yourself.


Certainly, but your standard apparently included holding people slower/dumber than you in such low esteem that you could even consider them to be practically sub-human (your first category of such people was "people who come to the same conclusions I do a long time after I come to them partially because they're not as smart"). Even a "stupid" person in one of your classes is far more intelligent than the smartest dog, has a much richer set of emotional responses and a fuller perception of life, has a life's story to tell, etc.


That's good. Before, you made it sound like your parents, your male friend in Europe, and a handful of professors were the only people you could really handle dealing with on a personal basis.


I can understand disliking bigoted people, and your scornful attitude towards people in financial trouble seems to be not so unusual, at least here in the Northeastern US. If this is the rough list of people you dislike, you're probably roughly normal. Before, I got the impression that you disliked pretty much everyone who was slower than you, and that you only really could get along with your parents, the guy in Europe, and a handful of professors.

I guess in the end, you may have just needed a place to vent. People do that here pretty regularly. Welcome.

I feel pity and sorrow when I consider the circumstances of some who have been forced into it, and I recognize many of the dynamics - consider, for example, the Nuremberg trials and the 'my boss told me to do it or I'd have been killed/sacked/courtmartialed' issue; while it's not an excuse to do something like that, one can see why one might do it - but ultimately, how hard is it, I wonder, for people to have sufficient presence of mind in a situation to realize '... this is wrong, I'm going to find a way to not do it'? Many have managed to do so throughout history. It's not impossible.



Don't worry, I'm not insulted about the comment about my age. It is difficult at times, especially when I and most of the people I know aren't yet at that magical age of 25-27 when the frontal lobe hasn't quite disconnected itself sufficiently from the amygdala and matured fully (it's the last part of the brain to mature - that's part of why, for example, insurance companies jack up premiums on people until they're 25 ). And I'm young and frankly have had bad experiences so far with living away, for one (tried it twice, and now part of me is terrified to do it again, despite the fact that I want to and intend to do so for graduate school and for that time when I move out of the house and on my own - and I'm sure this is not uncommon).

lucounu, I've actually gotten a good deal of reassurance and information from this thread. Perhaps you could give me some information on one thing: When I talk about a topic that is very emotionally 'triggering', one might say, I have a very, very hard time articulating my point accurately - it feels as if there are no words in English to make my point, even if someone later makes the same point in a better way than I could think of. What advice do you have about this?

Hi ACh,
I'm not Lucounu, but I have my hand up and waving wildly - pick me - pick me!

Articulating emotional points is very difficult and gets easier with practice. My advice is a 3 step process:
1) free write without regard to how it will sound to anyone else. Writing is a way to find out what you are thinking and make new connections.
2) set the first writing aside and imagine someone you love, and write so that they will understand what you are trying to say.
3) Develop someone you trust enough to ask them to read what you write, and ask what message they are recieving, and try to figure out if you communicated well.

Enjoy,
Grinity

It's not impossible, for some people, at some times, to make the right choice. But I don't think that you can assume that because one person makes the right choice that it is easy for everyone to do so. As I said, different people are different. They have different circumstances, different ideals, different abilities, different fears, different knowledge, etc., etc. Can you really say that if you were in Nazi Germany you would have been one of the few who stood up and resisted? Of course all of us would like to believe that we would have, but history tells otherwise.

That is why I think that emotions are so important. Is logic what decides how people act? IME, it is not the primary factor. I don't think it is about intelligence or presence of mind. Fear, hatred, contempt, courage, love, compassion...these are the things that determine how one acts in any given situation.