Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion A plea from a gifted adult.

I feel a bit ashamed of showing my face on this forum again, and I'm badly reluctant to say anything about this anyway, but it needs to be said else I'm going to have nobody to say it to and it's not going to be exposed to the light of day.

So I am profoundly gifted (I have a document from a state university indicating that my IQ is estimated, based on test results from I think one of the Stanford-Binets and the Wechsler scale, to be 'well above 180', whatever that means - minimum of 180, of course, but I don't think 'well' has an operational definition in psychometrics, now does it) and a biology major at university. Great student, doing well academically, and generally well-off on most things. (I'm female, if you want some guide on pronouns - last thread I was in people thought I was male for some reason, probably the absurd cultural notion of There Are No Women On The Intertubes. Just letting you know that's not the case.)

I am almost completely bereft of anything resembling an adequate social life, and I'm perfectly comfortable with a relatively small social life (I'm a biiiiiig introvert) - but I'm close to having nobody.

My best friend, and indeed the only person I know on my wavelength who I have any sort of substantial contact with, lives across the ocean, and I can't even visit him for two and a half years since my folks, skittish people that they are, won't let me visit him until I've finished undergrad - which is reasonable to a point because he lives in Eastern Europe, albeit one of its most modern cities, but for goodness's sake I've known people my age who've been to South Africa and Thailand, and quite on their own (i.e. not under the aegis of a study-abroad program or something else), and it gets really quite lonely sometimes around here.

It's hard to find people on my wavelength anyway (it's a cliched phrase, but it's the best way I can really put it).

Combine this with constantly being assailed with people who come to the same conclusions I do a long time after I come to them partially because they're not as smart, people who base their opinions of the world on things that are patently untrue (for example, alternative medicine practitioners - it irks me something fierce when people consume or, especially, sell things that have no empirical, rigorous scientific proof behind them and yet purport to have an effect on the body that they don't - these things kill people), people who have nasty prejudices on the basis of sex or race or sexual orientation or anything else that has no effect on the content of one's character and the extent of one's intelligence - it's ridiculous, and I've about reached the end of my ability to put up with it to the extent where there have been times the past few days where I've had some fairly dark thoughts. (Don't worry, I'm a benign sort of curmudgeon.)

Sometimes I wonder if humanity's speciating - some people seem to be anything BUT human.

The Asperger's community (which I am not a part of, by the way) has a fairly good saying to describe my situation in a way - feeling like an 'anthropologist on Mars', except in this case, I fully grasp what's going on socially but find it not only illogical many times but also quite repugnant and refuse to take part in it. I'm not an outcast - in fact, I'm pretty well-respected by my classmates and am often sought out for help - but I don't respect them back (oh, sure, I treat them civilly, but I deride them in private) because I find them slow and also somewhat biased. I've had to hold myself back from berating lab partners when they screwed up an experiment, sometimes to ridiculous ends (e.g. in the second semester of organic chemistry, one is ordinarily expected to know how to use a separatory funnel and what it is. This is BASIC stuff, if you have taken organic chemistry; I don't expect a person to know what a separatory funnel is if you haven't taken organic chemistry. These people were in the SECOND SEMESTER of organic chemistry and they didn't know what a separatory funnel was), and am massively grateful that I'm able to do lab work on my own when I've got it (I get much better results).

And then there's the fact that Dad's slowly killing himself with tobacco, Mom isn't handling it very well at all, and I appear to be the sanest human being in the family. This is tangential, however, and just extra stress.

I don't know any other group of people that's even going to have an idea what I'm talking about and I'm moderately desperate to be heard and understood to at least an adequate extent by ANYONE, which is why I'm posting this long, not-totally-organized rant/plea here.

If you're asking "why?" it's because man is stupid and God hates us. Life is hell, but it ain't forever and it ain't that bad. (because life on earth is made of carbon, which has 6 electrons, 6 protons, 6 neutrons). If you want to live here you're constantly combusting oxygen, or, burning forever.
Just kidding. I'm being stupid. Trying to cheer you up a little.
Oh the lonelines. And why do they let the stupid people run things in this world? I vaguely remember those feelings. Now I have two small children and a husband to take care of and feelings have become simple- tired, irritated, happy, or amused. To be honest I frequent this forum for the community as well, although I do like learning new things like I always do here; it's the people here that keep me coming back.

ACh, rant away! I think you will find this forum to be very supportive and understanding.

I'm sorry to hear about your father, I do know how it feels. I lost my father, due to his addiction to tobacco.

I'm not able to give you words of inspiration. The only thing I can say is, allow people to get to know you. You might be surprised at the results.

'If you want to live here you're constantly combusting oxygen, or, burning forever.'

At least combusting is fun. It's what life is about. (Once you've made awesome things in organic chemistry, there is little more awesome.) I made seven feet of nylon three weeks ago (not strictly combustion, but it's a chemical reaction).

Hi ACh,
Welcome!
I went back and read your last post - and I particularly like when you added:
2 questions:
1) how did you maintain your drive motivation and discipline under less than ideal conditions?
2) what if 'enjoying other people' was an academic subject? How would you rate the 'drive,motivation and discipline' you have applied to the subject so far, and do you think it's worthwhile to increase your 'd-m-d' in this subject, and if so, what steps could you take to do so?

To be honest, I didn't really feel completely safe to fully be myself with anyone else until my own son was born. I did recognise that that isn't the right way, so I decided to act maturely and bring more of my whole self into my friendships, and also try to find people who were more 'like me' so that more of me would be appreciated. This group here is part of that.

If you are able to travel to BIQ in the spring near Boston Mass I would recommend trying that Beyond IQ (BIQ) Boston April 29 - May 1, 2011
Chelmsford Radisson, Chelmsford, Massachusetts, USA.
Also keep close tabs on http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/conferences.htm to see if there are any conferences that seem like worth a try.

Then there is the question of stress. Everyone has more than they want. Some people find a way to handle it so they can go on. Some people are more ambitious and find ways to grow from stress so that they can handle more than before. What are you ways to deal with stress. Which ones help you, which ones hurt you, which ones grow you?

One more idea - anyone you like here, you can send them a 'PM' private message and see if they are willing to chat with you a bit. One thing about PG folks - I believe that they are the most diverse group that exists.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

To be a good anthropologist, you cannot get involved in your subjects!!!

There is stress you put on yourself and stress that comes from outside. Inside you can be calm and cool if you learn to control your emotions. This does not mean suppress them.

As far as people go, find something to do that is non-academic that brings you in contact with people from all walks of life. I play sports in local leagues and volunteer.

2 I don't really know how to answer. To be perfectly honest, I feel like I've been run horribly ragged regarding 'enjoying other people', for the most part, and every so often I'm all 'hey, maybe this person has a smart' and then I wind up finding out 'nope, should have kept to myself on that one' because either they're, to be a little euphemistic, off the old wavelength, or worse, they're nuts.

1 I can answer better. I want those things and need them to get where I want to go.

The alternative is somewhere I never, ever want to go.

Elaborate on this a bit? I don't get what you're trying to say.

Can you say more about 'been run horribly ragged' - does that mean that you spend a lot of time on the topic? does it mean that your hopes get lifted up and then dashed? Does it mean that you work hard to enjoy the common bonds but run out of energy and crash after the effort? If this were a school subject, would you quit? change majors? Is the loneliness bad enough that it's worth continuing the 'class' even if the results are stinky for now?

((hugs))
Grinity

I do like the alternative medicine. �I like that it starts with a healthy diet and fresh air and exercise. �I try the least invasive solutions first and try to help the body help itself. �I just gave birth in a jacuzzi with a midwife because I could. �I would have been grateful for modern science if there was an emergency. �I try to raise my kids as natural as possible.

I sort of agree with you about nuts being a nuisance. �I don't like the nuts that are just a little off, only in their head. �I love the totally nuts that act it out, like the people that hike the Appalachian trail or learn to fly on trapeze. �And it's just personal taste, but I love old hippies. �Their hearts are huge.

I'll bet chemistry is a really fun project. � �Sounds like you're getting a kick out of it. �I don't like hearing your classmates aren't paying attention. �Maybe that's why they keep recalling batches of Tylenol off the shelves. �

We could really use your help with something. �I don't know if we have any scientists hanging around. �Maybe you could make a thread we could reference on great science fair projects so we can help our kids, please ma'am.