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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 159
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 159 |
Hello everyone!!! Here to vent, cry, whatever...Just got off the phone with principal AGAIN. DS10 seems to be blurting out in school and it's concerning the teachers etc...Before the school year, I actually took DS to get an ADHD/ADD evaluation done...Doctor says he just needs to be more challenged. I am in the process of subject accelerating him...I was really hoping the doctor would have just given me a "magic pill" to help make this impulsive behavior "go away". I am so tired to DS not respecting authority, classroom rules, teachers...He has all the excitables to the max too, sigh. Rewards, talking to, consequences, doesn't help. I know at times he does care because he cries about it, but then at other times I think I see a smirk. HELP!!!... I don't know what to do
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 7,207
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 7,207 |
What have you tried so far with - a) getting him more challenged? b) getting him more well-behaved?
When do things naturally seem better?
If there was just one behavior that would make everything better, what would it be? What have you tried to target that one behavior?
What parenting style do you and the other significant adults in his life use? Any favorite parenting books that seem to work on your kid?
Who are your key emotional supports? Any new prospects there?
Love and More Love, Grinity - who hates those phone calls!!!
Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com
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Joined: Jan 2009
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Hi Grinity! Thanks so much for your reply I always highly value your opinion! You left me with some great questions...When I thought about it, he seems to be more "calm" when he's in silence by himself reading or drawing. I had to take a little step back when I thought about that, because he seems to have such a social, humorous personality...Maybe he just needs more "alone" time??? When he's at school, that's tough. I am in the works of getting him subject accelerated ( Another topic I have questions about I will have to post that later ) He is taken out for g/t programming but only once a week. The g/t coordinator is working on getting him another science mentor for this year. He works on EPGY at home, violin, piano, ect...If I had to pick one thing that would make everything better, I would have to say listening and just DOING IT haha I always try to touch him to get his attention, get down to look in his eyes, give lots of positive feedback etc... Husband can be inconsistant on this Have to say that I've read just about every parenting book out there to no real "that's it" with DS Lol ... Well anyways, thanks for the support! Grinity and evryone else, I really do appreciate your thoughts!
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 215
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Is the blurting out a new behavior? Is it just new this school year (maybe it always existed, but this teacher is less tolerant or less something else than previous teachers)?
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 158
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Joined: Oct 2009
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Have you thought of meditation? I know it may sound out there but it can help. He may be more calm in his alone time because it is the one time that he is fully involved in an activity to the point where his mind stops all the other clutter for a moment. He may be one of those kids that sees, hears, feels, experiences so much more than the rest of us. Imagine sitting in a classroom bored to death already and seeing the kid in the back picking his nose, the girl at the side sharpening her pencil, the kid next to him playing with his notebook, the teacher giving a lesson. Hearing the air conditioner going in the corner, the squeak of a pencil eraser ect. You get the point And in the mist of all of that trying to entertain himself in his head. How could he not blurt out? Unless you've experienced this it's hard to explain. I know that most people in general don't experience things in this way. For some people it's that all at once all the time over stimulation. The meditation provides a great peace in the noise and helps to train the mind/body to do what you want. No blurting It's a long term solution, you won't likely see a difference in the first 6 months. When you start to see a difference it's amazing!
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,777
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Joined: Jul 2010
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Is the smirk coming from just been coped with self-consciousness? You know bravery isn't the absence of fear, it's really the decision to act in spite of the fear. Maybe the smirk isn't derision, maybe he's terribly self-conscious most of the time. Even if he is comfortable in his own skin. Sorry the teacher doesn't love him too. I know there's programs that teach kids leadership but I haven't got that far. Do they teach diplomacy?
Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 868
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Posts: 868 |
Well, I actually started a reply to this several hours ago. As I was writing, an email arrived making me aware that my son had not done his science homework and had frittered away time in class set aside to complete the project. He didn't know how to do something on the sheet, so he copped an attitude to cover. Oh, and he lied through his teeth, making up a very dramatic but believable story about why the project didn't get finished the night before. (Telling you this wonderful little story just in case you're feeling alone ... )
I do have one suggestion for the blurting out issue that has worked not only for my son but for his entire class. The teacher has a "redirection" book that sits on his desk. When a child does something that disrupts the class - anything from blurting out an answer to arguing to general misbehaving - they are invited to go sit in the hall and write in the book on a new page which simply has three questions: what did I do wrong, what should I have done, what can I do differently next time?
Because the entire class is required to do this, no one child is singled out. The rule is the same for everyone. And because it temporarily removes the child from the setting, they settle down quickly. And on the privacy of that page, they have to own their behavior and make a better plan for next time.
If you like the idea, you might ask the teacher if they'd be willing to try it with the class.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 69
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I read this tip in "Living with Intensity" but I've never tried it. When a child tends to blurt out or ask a lot of questions, the teacher will give the student an "IQ Sheet". The sheet is divided into two columns, one labeled Ideas and the other Questions. Instead of blurting out the student is asked to write down their ideas and questions. The teacher then will spend a few minutes with the child at the end of the day going over the sheet. Just a thought.
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Joined: Jan 2009
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Hi Keet & everyone ~ Yes, as far as I know, the blurting out is a new behavior. When talking to the principal, he did acknowledge that DS is probably just trying to "spice up the class" probably due to boredom, but that it's still not acceptable. He says it's preventing the other kids from learning. Now I do know one of the teacher's who reported one of the instances...Lets just say she has no sense of humor (DS can be very humorous and dramatic) The other instance I know of was from a teacher's aide...I'm guessing no instruction on gifted behavior...I feel like I'm always justifying his behavior. Yes, I always acknowlede to school that this isn't acceptable...And yes teacher and yes Mr. Principal, we will talk to him about apropriate choices blah, blah, blah...It's not like the kid doesn't know appropriate behavior. He somehow can't control it when he gets excited about something or just doesn't care to control it. I hope that the subject acceleration okay comes quickly. At least then we can get him out a little bit every day into a new environment. I've been pushing to principal that this acceleration will hopefully solve the behavior problems, but what if it doesn't??? Then what??? I don't even want to think about it ...Ugh.
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Joined: Jan 2009
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Good morning everyone!!! Thank you so much taking the time to reply to my "dilema" I really do appreciate it and feel like this is the only place that really does understand ABQMom, thanks for your science homework story...It did make me feel better. I hope the homework got done! Momma Bear, I really love your idea of meditation. Do you have any books or sites recommendations??? I asked DS what he feels inside when he knows his "excitables" are starting to act up. He said he feels a "twinge" So I suggested that whenever he feels that, to take some deep breaths, ask if he could go to the bathroom (DS said that would be lying) or that I could talk to his teacher and see if maybe he could step into the hallway to "regroup" DS said he never wants to go into the hallway again. Last year, he had a horrible teacher, who I feel, really damaged his soul by sending him there all the time. She was determined to correct his, what she thought, "bad behavior" Ugh, DS just dug his heels in even more. Le Texican, I never thought about the self-consciousness piece. He is in 5th grade, and I feel like he doesn't know where exactly he fits in. Yes, he's smart...He is extremely charming and handsome ( the girls love him Lol ) Class clown all the way, sensitive, beyond creative, and tries to keep up with his older brother athletically... Elenor05, love the IQ sheet idea. I will bring that up to his teacher and will let you know how it works, thanks...And thanks again everyone... I don't know what I would do without you!!!
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