Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy new school year, advice needed

Hi, I would love to get some advice on dealing with my son's new teachers. I am terrible at this, and have had little success in the past (with any of my 3 kids), and I would like to maximize the chances of ds9 having a decent school experience this year (if that is possible). The stakes for ds9 are quite high this year. Sorry this post is so long, please skip it now if that bothers you!

I have to fill out a form for the new (4th grade) teachers about my child's strengths and weaknesses, and also tell them what went well and what did not go well last year. Hmmm - last year, ds was new there and entering 3rd grade. He got put into the special ed inclusion class (I think they do that deliberately with all the new kids, until they know more about the new student). Where we live the "CTT class" as it is called has something like 40 percent special needs students (kids with IEPS), but most of these kids look fairly typical (one cannot immediately tell which kids have IEPS).

At the beginning of the year the teachers put tubs of books on each table (kids were seated in groups) and on my dc's table there were only picture books, and evidently dc was too shy to get up and find something more appropriate (or maybe he just wanted to look at the picture books, who really knows). Long story short, the teachers decided he was a below grade level reader. They also thought he might have special needs (maybe ADHD, they did not say) and wanted him to get evaluated (we were told in November). They never really said what the problem was other than that they though he "needed" the lower student to teacher ratio provided in the CTT (inclusion) class which has 2 teachers instead of 1. Ultimately my son's reading was tested (end of year standardized tests) and he got the highest possible score on the ELA but the score was not reported until after the school year ended. We were not told until the last parent teacher conference that they had actually retained him in a below grade level reading group ALL YEAR, even though we told them he was a strong reader (we told them the second week of school at the first parent teacher conference, when they actually asked us "can he read?" and told us he had been looking at picture books in school -- dc explained to us later those were the books they had put on his table, and since they said "read anything you want" he took them up on it!) We did not see the high ELA score until August, obviously too late for last year, but at least we can draw their attention to it for the coming year.

In the spring of 3rd grade ds also completed EPGY math (grade levels 3 and 4) in about 8 weeks (easily, scoring in the high 90s on all of it), so he is now (after the summer break) doing grade level 5 math at home, which is easy for him still. However he is back in CTT again this year for 4th grade (without any formal eval placing him there -- they really do think he "belongs" there).

I should mention we spent the summer in LA where ds did the JHU CTY summer program and he really blossomed there, especially socially (he also did well with 3 weeks of sleepaway camp).

Ds9 is no genius but his WISC 4 GAI is 99th percentile (FSIQ put him at 97th percentile so processing speed was not too bad either). Ds is certainly a late bloomer (his language skills were at first slightly delayed, below 5th percentile when he was 3, then 80th percentile when he was 4, and now 99th percentile at 9). His motor skills are not the best (messy handwriting and some number reversals as late as 3rd grade). But he is a great reader and terrific at math, and I wonder if there is some tactful way to indicate that he was improperly placed academically last year (in low spelling and reading groups), and that he might do better socially AND academically if he is allowed to have some greater academic challenges at school. This school is really into sensory this and that, "fidgets" (squeezable objects given to the kids to play with during group discussion), bouncy seats, you name it, and I think dc's motor skill weaknesses peg him as "special needs" and the teachers might have trouble seeing beyond that. I think part of the theory is these kinds of motor weaknesses are supposed to indicate possible LDs (but one would think once the child shows he is a great reader and great at math too, they would give it a break!) The problem with him being identified as needing "fidgets" is this seems to keep him out of higher achieving classes (ds has been instructed to decline any "fidgets" or any other "sensory supports" he might be offered in school, and he finally "gets" that these things carry a big stigma in his school even though the adults won't admit it).

Last year's teachers did not see dc's IQ test results until February (we declined to have him evaluated by them but the IQ test was done by us in the context of possible future applications to private school here). The teachers advanced him in math upon seeing the high IQ score, but (we found out later) declined to advance him in reading. Thank goodness for standardized tests. When your kid gets a 4 in a subject the teachers can't deny he did well (a 4 is passing "with distinction"). We are working on getting dc into a suitable private school for 5th grade (we hope!), but we need good recommendations from dc's teachers to make it happen. His test scores are certainly high enough. How do we tactfully encourage them to allow him a more challenges in school? The kids identified as having "sensory" problems or ADHD are usually not admitted to the better (more academic) private schools here, so we need to resist having the teachers think he has any of those issues (which will already be difficult given the 3rd grade teachers thought he did have those problems). Ds is rarely a behavior problem in class, but sometimes he is off task (usually quietly). I think part of it is the inappropriateness of some of the material (for him). Maybe he is not mature enough to handle the boredom well (older dcs handled that better).

It is too late to get him out of the CTT class, and in truth it is not a good placement for him, even if the school obviously thinks it is. In CTY science (over the summer) ds really hit it off with his teacher, who made it clear at the start of the program that he did not care about neatness or handwriting skill in general. This teacher even commented that when he was in school, sometimes his work "had to be held up to a mirror!" to be read, and when he said that dc really beamed.

Sorry for this long and rambling post. Any advice would be much appreciated. Middle dc (age 15) has higher test scores (both IQ and achievement, he is a member of SET, just completed UCLA courses this summer with 4.0 avg in his college work,...) and this older dc seemed better able to handle the "challenge" of boredom in school (when he was younger, in elementary school for instance). Oldest dc has autism but we are discovering how bright he is too.

I am awful at getting appropriate work for my kids in general, but youngest ds seems to be suffering the most. We need to find a way to make this work, at least well enough that we can get good letters from these teachers for the applications to private school. Back to my original question: when they ask on their intro forms, "what went well" last year, etc., how should I approach responding to such questions? Is it too rude to point out the 4 on the ELA and the fact he spent the year in a low level reading group? I think that is rude, but in terms of what went badly, that pretty much sums it up.

Any advice is much appreciated, and thank you so much for reading this long post.

To me, it sounds like what went well is that he did well in the higher placement math, he got a 4 on the reading test and he has excellent behavior in class. None of that is rude to point out. You need to make your list of what didn't go well polite, also. What didn't go well was that he was in the low level reading group so he didn't get challenged in reading. Maybe in the classroom he is in he didn't get challenged in science or social studies either? Be sure to mention that he did well in the CTY science class...do you have a letter from the CTY teacher saying that? (We just got letters from DS's summer enrichement teachers this week.)

I think by stating how well he has done on tests and outside classes show that he can handle challenges in school. It is not rude or tactless to bring up this outside stuff...the school won't know about it unless you do.

We did something like this for DS in preparation for his new gifted school this year. DS is 2e (autism) and all the old school saw was the autism and problems so they were unwilling to "push" the gifted part. Starting fresh in a new school has helped a lot. We actually had 3 meetings before school started to be sure the school understood that DS needed for the teachers to focus on gifted academics and just "notice" the autism as something requiring certain sensory accommodations. It is not rude or tactless to do this: you are the advocate for your child and the teachers do not know what your child needs unless you tell them specifically.

Now, whether the school follows what you suggest is another story! Nan

I have an idea.
Go directly to the principle, tell him or her what you've told us. And I mean copy paste what you've written, take out all the 'can you believe it' words, and make an timeline of what went on. Ask for a grade skip. Into a class that isn't CTT.

With FSIQ at 97% he can certianly handle it, and you can always reverse it when you move to the private school. That way you are giving everyone a chance to gracefully slide out of the current placement with no loss of face.

It's hard to look at a kid who scores 97% and compare them to a kid who gets into SET, but I can promise you that if this child were your only child, you would be very very impressed with their LOG. Visit a regular classroom for 4th and 5th graders and you'll see that the skip still won't really met the child's needs. But it is worth it.

As for the 4th grade teacher, list the goods as NanRos suggested and put the cons all on your son.
He is too shy to ask the teacher for work that suits him.
He is too lazy to choose harder work, if given the choice.
He is too much of a conformist to want to stand out from his classmates.
His self image is too low for him to risk doing material that is at his level - he needs guidance to choose to work at the proper level.

I do not believe any of these complaints for a second, but this way it is clear that you aren't blaming the school and gives them a chance to play hero.

Then they can say: "Oh, we didn't realize we were dealing with a shy, lazy, group-pleasing kid. It's obviously in his best interest to place him with kids who will be good role models.

At the very least it will let the teacher know his 'tricks' right from the begining. He or She will see him as a 'problem to solve' rather than as a quiet kid who needs shelter. And by asking for the gradeskip, this allows the school to offer a move to a different classroom as an appeasement. People who are negotiating feel like winners if you ask for 2xs what you want so they can give you half and feel good. You can help them. But personally, I would hold out with a: well, I'll try the new classroom for 3 months, but if I don't see him learning good work ethic, I'll be right back here asking for that skip.

You may need to hire a lawyer or parent advocate to come with you to meetings, take notes, and remind them to do what they said. Would your tester fill that role?

Love and More LOve,
Grinity

Grinity, wow! What a great approach!

First of all, I wanted to say you are totally correct that having middle ds who is so very gifted (and in SET) has made me see this younger child as fairly average. I think it has distorted my views of my oldest child too. My MIL (who is a teacher) laughs that we have no idea what "normal" looks like.

Along the lines of your suggestion, I could bring in the SCAT scores too for this youngest ds. Last year (in 3rd) this child scored very well compared to students in 5th grade. He qualified for JHU CTY gifted programming in both verbal and math, earning a high honors award for the verbal score. I don't personally think the SCAT means too much (it only tests a couple skills), but it is standardized and it does give us those 5th grade comparison scores, and the school can't say it means nothing at all.

I don't think the school will go for any of it, but it certainly gets discussions moving in a good direction.

Thank you Grinity, masterofnone, and NanRos for all your help and all your terrific suggestions and comments.

Another Idea -
Apply to Davidson Young Scholars for #2 and #3 so you can meet the parents and see the range of giftedness.

An be sure to visit various classrooms of 4th and 5th grade. I'm glad MIL is laughing but this is key information to be able to work well with schools.
Love and More Love,
Grinity

I normally agree 100% with Grinity, but this is one post I'd have to slightly disagree with some of the wording.
I will not/would not use negative words to describe behaviors that could be mistaken for character traits. "Lazy" strikes a nerve with me.
I'd prefer to change this, "He is too lazy to choose harder work, if given the choice." to this:
"He needs to have a challenge presented, and encouragement to go for the challenge."

Reword this, "He is too much of a conformist to want to stand out from his classmates." to this:
"He is uncomfortable outperforming his classmates for fear of offending them, or possibly even thinking he will upset his teacher if he performs above her expectations."

The general theme I'm getting from Grinity's post is to have the school see this is a child with a problem which is in their power to solve, I agree with that. I just don't like giving a school the words they can use to make the child's character & behavior a scapegoat for the school to absolve themselves from coming up with a solution.

Love it OHG!!!! Much Better!

Thank you Grandma, and thanks again to everyone who posted with such helpful advice. Ds started school today, and we have conferences early next week (everyone does). I feel much better prepared to advocate for ds. I'll let you know how it goes.