Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school gifted toddler, guilted mother

Ok...I am feeling a bit jealous of all the little ones on this board who seem to have these great parents advocating for them. I am specifically talking about the little ones. The toddlers. The toddlers who are already in school and excelling. They are being recognized and accelerated.

I was not even sure I wanted my soon to be 2 year old in school yet, but I did look casually. I could not even find anything that would have been appropriate for her. Most don't accept the under 2s. Most have huge waiting lists. Most are uber expensive and far away (when considering traffic.) The 2 places that would work were really nothing more than daycare. Is there some underground gifted toddler preschool list I don't know about. I feel so inadequate. I feel like I am going to let DD down.

But, truly, I am happy to have her home with me. On one hand, DD is potty trained, doesn't need a nap anymore, loves to socialize, has a massive attention span, and is well behaved. But, she is still only 1! I just know she will cry when I leave her. I do not want to traumatize her. I want to keep her all happy and protected all the time.

I am a stay at home mom for crying out loud. This is my job. Why should I feel so guilty for not putting her in school yet?

One, I think it is because I worry that she is missing out on an oppourtunity to get ahead. Silly?

And two, I feel like it would be nice to both have her be recognized officialy and get some help. Petty?

Does anyone else feel/felt this way? I don't know where I should be heading my efforts. If I should be looking for that magical school or just concentrate on making a happy home for my toddler.

In that same vein, I don't know if I should be holding DD back from learning how to read or pushing her forward. Seriously, half of me wants to work on it all day, and the other half of me wants to hide all books till kindergarten.

As it is now, we are just following DD's lead, and to be honest, she seems to have no interest to read unless we prompt her.

Background/Update: DD knew her letters at around 15 months and has recently learned their sounds. I let her play a game on starfall that was reccomended, and it seems filling in the first letter of a word is a breeze for her. She is speaking in clear super complex long sentences and rarely makes any grammatical mistakes.

Aw, you're fine. There is absolutely no reason that even the most gifted toddler needs to be in preschool. If she is exploring at her own pace and has plenty of opportunities for socializing, and all with her loving mama by her side, what more could a one-year-old child possibly want?

I am going on 20 years as a stay at home mom (although I now run my own company from home), and none of my kids entered the school system until Kindergarten. Every parent is different, and I make no claim that the way I chose to do it was best for all children, but I certainly think it was best for my family.
We met friends at the zoo, took walks to the park, baked in the kitchen, made messes in the living room, built forts in the bedroom, and did a whole lot of nothing. The highlights of the week were usually major field trips to buy groceries and to visit Daddy at work for lunch.

They were blissful years with a few days where I thought I'd go insane, but it passed - or I've crossed over to the dark side without noticing. But life without the rigorous schedule was perfect for bonding, allowing my children to discover their own learning style with no pressure, and learn how to play without organized activities or close supervision.

I have no regrets.

You absolutely shouldn't! You are the BEST person right now to be with your child and respond to her needs. I never even knew my kids were gifted at that age. I just rolled with their interests. We would walk museums and talk and read books. They did kindermusik programs and lots of outings.

Then I sent my oldest to 2 years of school. Guess what? It didn't work at all for him. Now we're homeschooling and here I am again. And he's doing so much better than he was in a school environment. He was IDed GT at school, but that didn't equate to services or any guarantee of getting ahead. My kids went to play based preschool at 3+. But would have definitely been fine without that. I think they did benefit socially. Even an academic preschool wouldn't be great for a child who already had strong pre reading skills.

Enjoy every minute home with your child and enjoy the luxury of not needing to find a good school fit for her! Just follow her the best you can. If you need down time, take it and don't feel bad. I'm ignoring my kids right now.

For the record, neither of my kids were very interested in reading until about age 5 (part of the reason I didn't know they were GT). Both jumped many grade levels in reading in a matter of months.

Been there! When DD was right around 2 and I didn't really understand the gifted label or that it would even apply to children so young I did talk to a speech therapist linking DD's advancement in speech I thought it would be a good starting point. The speech therapist brought up socialization and how with kids this smart that is usually their weak point. This had me scrambling for a social preschool but believe it or not ... in our area social preschools are HUGE and there is a long waiting list. We got on about 3 waiting lists but I was still freaking out about her social abilities so I put her in a dance class that met for one hour every week. We never did get into the preschools when DD was 2 but did get into one for the 3 yr old program. Long story but it wasn't a good fit and over the summer we had put her in a summer camp at a Spanish Immersion school which is were she now goes.

Do I think the speech therapist was wrong about socialization? With DD it did take her a little while to adjust to other kids but in a matter of a few months she fit in with no problems. I don't think she has suffered for not being in a program before age 3 and I'm really glad we didn't get into a school that year. It give me more one on one time with her.

I guess I'm saying don't worry about it. She will have plenty of time to build her socialization and right now she gets to spend her time with you which is still an important time for both of you.

I think you are a good mom for being willing to take such an unflinchinly honest look at yourself. Thats a great quality that is hard to come by.

Truth is - humans are herd animals. It's normal for us to look over our shoulders at what 'everyone else' is doing, and want to be doing the same thing. Especial when we become new moms. But, the experience of having a child who is significantly outside the norm can be a huge growing experience. It's time for you to look inside and ask your self. What qualities do I want to encourage in MY child? Does it matter to me if she is first in her high school class? Do I want her to win a Nobel Prize? What kind of person am I and what do I want to teach and encourage in my child? Get ahead? (of whom?)

I'm not promising that your child will turn out the way you picture, but why spend time worrying if she will 'get ahead' if you really don't care a whit.

Things I have heard moms here want for their child:
To be kind to others and themselves.
To learn, as they grow, to have a good work ethic. (Not before age 5)
To enjoy learning.
To enjoy living.
To not learn that she has to hide her intelligence to fit in at school - nor that she has to show it off every second.
To make hard choices, and keep going when it isn't easy.

I don't want you to just adopt what I think. I want you to think for yourself. And after you decide what you want, then look for a 'section of the herd' that shares your values.

This won't be that last decision you have to make, or the last pressure you have to face - take a look at some of the 'greatest hits'
Preschool vs. no preschool
What age a cell phone?
Grade skip vs. no skip?
IQ test at age 5 or not?
Private school vs. public?
Make-up at what age?


Welcome to parenting - Welcome to feeling inadequate. Of course you can complain about it, but know that as long as each child keeps being born an individual, that we will never have all the information we feel that we need. This is the nature of parenting.

There are so many questions that it really helps to figure out what are your values. Even if they change. With 'unusual' kids you end up having to make unusual choices. Choices that peers, strangers at the grocery store, and sometimes family members can't understand.

This is why so many people say that having children makes us finally grow up!


So consentrate on making that happy homelife - don't worry if she shows no interest in reading - follow her lead - love her up!
It would be nice to be officially recognized - it is an awesome feeling to know that you aren't weird for talking to her 'that way' - sorry I can't provide that - but I have to say the her 'aquarium lecture' that you described sound very much like what my son used to do.


Love and More Love,
Grinty

Admittedly I have a teenager so it isn't like I read every thread about toddlers or preschoolers, but I haven't seen a lot about two year olds being "recognized and accelerated." So, I guess the place I'd start is with a reality check. Is reading this board promoting feelings of insecurity? I've seen that crop up on gifted lists over and over again. If it makes you feel worse to read whatever list or board it is probably not a good fit for the place you are at right now.

I think that parenting takes a lot of self-confidence. Every where you turn there are people waiting to point out what you are doing wrong. My question is.... where are they when you do the right stuff??

I agree with the other posters. Follow her lead. You know her better than anyone else in the world. She is still just a BABY. Let her be one. No matter how far advanced she seems, she is just a little girl. She will spend the rest of her life learning and being away from you. Be selfish and keep her to yourself for another year and refuse to feel guilty about it. You will never get this time with her back again.

Hugs!!

There's nothing wrong with exposing her to pre-academics if you want to. �Even many parents who's kids self-taught and who would never push them to read exposed them to starfall.com at an early age. �
If you have a touchpad laptop then she's old enough to use the computer and the educational sites are set up for them to self-teach without any help from you. �I've read that if you don't have a touchpad that the wireless mouses are small enough for their little hands to use. �My son absolutely loved hooked on phonics learn to read pre-k cd-Rom last year. �I was surprised at the level of work he was doing on his own while I cooked dinner and washed dishes. �'course now he has a subscription to a 3D online virtual gaming world and no interest in the baby games. �Depends if you want to introduce her to electronics. �My nephew loves Playskools website and PBS Curious George. �Everything's academic for that age.

I would suggest to anyone to work on handwriting early. �Start giving them a crayon at a young age. �Switch it to a marker so they experiment more with controlling the line. �Keep trying to introducing the ballpoint pen. �It takes more pressure than a marker, less than a pencil. �I suggest letting them fist a fat marker until they make nice controlled lines, then introducing the pencil grip with a skinny marker- ask them to make a gun, then you stick the marker inside the pointer finger close to the tip, ask them to close their hand. �This skill seems to cause so many kids so much grief it just makes sense to ease it up on them early, leisurely, taking your own sweet time.

And about your inner stress, sheesh can a mother ever be good enough in her own eyes? �I'm sitting here in the country with a happy healthy kid wishing I lived in the city so I could take him to hear live music at the coffee shop, watch street performances downtown, even just storytime at the library would be nice. Meanwhile they're up in NY over there in the basic skills thread stressed that they might be letting their kid down by not teaching them how to work on a car or at least know the parts of a car so a mechanic can't rip them off. �

Hi, take this as some gentle and kind words:

You're ok. Do you think you're being too hard on yourself? There will be plenty of time to make mistakes later. Haha, just kidding.

Anyways, you are being too hard on yourself.

I'm just going to say it, unless there is some special circumstance:

You don't want to put your 2 year old in preschool. Keep your child with you. Your child wants to be with you. Lots of kids still have separation anxiety for a bit between 3, 6, or even some at age 7.

Read. Doodle. Talk to her, tell her what you're doing. Cleaning, cooking, organizing. Ask questions, then answer it yourself. Talk to her and listen attentively when she "talks" back to you. Smile.

This is really the best time. Go to the library, park, point out things and talk about it.

Just enjoy it. There will be plenty of time to worry about grade skipping and accelerating when she's 4.5 and what to do with K, etc.

You are good enough. You are. Believe it yourself. Actually while she is still this young, work on your own-self. Learn to be ok with your mistakes and not be perfect. Love yourself. So that as your dear child grows up can learn to love herself and accept herself too. Mistakes and all.

Best wishes!!

ps. You might be doing all these things already, so sorry if I'm nagging.

p.p.s. I might have said too much but I won't delete it. Just go do stuff Have fun. No worries yet. You might visit a psychologist who specializaes in gifted children so that person can help "you" what things to help your child with, etc etc. Ok, I'll shut up now.