Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Several questions

Hi, I have 3 questions that I was hoping to get some feedback on-

can someone point me to an article about grade skipping actually being better socially for a gifted child? I am getting some mixed signals from the school about a preschool skip to K that I am looking into.

what do you do for the sensitive (but brutish) gt girl who wont allow you to brush or comb her hair without a HUGE fuss? or, if she refuses to 'allow' barrettes or pony tail holders, same huge fuss, what then? Apparently they are not 'cool'. SHES FOUR!! I don't want to go short, but I don't want her to look like a rat's nest all the time.

Oh, and on the brutish part, we usually get tons of compliments on dd4's behavior at school, but then she can be really unbearable/loud/aggressive at home. Is this coming up for other folks, and how are you handling it?

thanks!

I hope you find the perfect article, and I'd like to read it too.

I don't have a little girl, but I give my five-year-old son a lot of leeway on choice of appearance. Right now, for example, he's sporting a mohawk even though I cringed initially at the idea. If I had your child, I would give up on barrettes and pony tail holders if she just can't stand them.

Our son sometimes overreacts. The times in the past that he's been unbearable/aggressive at home, I have consistently punished him. That doesn't make the problem go away forever, since kids can be strong-willed by nature, and ours is extremely strong-willed, but it does often help in the short term since it reminds him that there's zero percentage in being bad. Still, I actually cherish his stubbornness, praise him for it when it's displayed in a good way, and would never want to "cure" him of it.

When punishing him I explain that part of my job as a parent is to teach him the right way to behave, that I still love him even though I'm punishing him, that I wish I didn't have to do it, why what he did is not the best choice, etc. But when the hammer comes down, it stays down, with no right of appeal.

Sensitive to hair ... yep, got one of those! You could always use a ton of detangler but I find DD's hair to be a little greasy after over doing it with the products. Some suggestions:

BioSilk Silk Therapy Hair Treatment. It is a clear liquid and though a little pricy works wonders and can be used on wet and/or dry hair. You only need a tiny drop and the tangles are gone. Ever since adding this one into our routine DD has stopped complaining and has no more meltdowns about getting her hair done.

Also I love the circle of friends line, especially the detangler because it doesn't leave DD's hair greasy even if I need to spray a little more than normal. Our usual routine is Silk Therapy on the wet hair which is when she goes to bed and can lead to a few tangles the next morning and then the circle of friends detangler in the morning which is a 'just in case' course of action since she slept on her wet hair.

We had this problem with sensitivity and control too. Oh wait, we still do! When she was little, I let her do her own hair whenever possible. As for the hair accessories, my daughter (now 14) is still very particular about which ones she likes. Maybe you could let your daughter try them out at the store first.

We use detangler here, too. DD7 always wants to wear her hair down and it looks like bed-head by lunch. Our rule is that she has to put it up in a ponytail or braid when she goes out... she can do whatever she wants when we are at home. We take her to the dollar store and let her pick out any hair accessories she wants. She always gets to choose what we put in her hair and how she wants it done. On the days that she gets fustrated we give her the option of short hair.

Also, there are super cute ways to cut little girls hair that look very feminine. DD had a reverse bob in grade 1 and it looked fab on her. I wish she would go back to it!

We just 'went short'. Told both Ds that they could wear her hair longer when they were older and ready to take care of it themselves. Around middle school both decided to grow it longer. Worked for us

Hi
Re an article, the Nation Deceived report information supporting the social side. Also articles by Miraca Gross on acceleration pretty plentiful online and she talks alot about the social benefits based on her longitudinal study. Unfortunately I am replying on my phone so I can't paste in a link (well, I don't know how to anyway!) but they are font page on google.
Re hair - we have the same issue. I just wash it and brush though conditioner and leave it at that unless it's something special.

You could look at the Iowa Acceleration Scale to see if it helps you make your case. It weighs both social negatives and social positives.

DeeDee

I would encourage her to do her own and then do a little touch up as needed with complements on how well she did. I would try to drop "please do this...and just reinforce the intended hair do/behavior. When ever she has her hair pulled back say wow that looks so pretty. Grandmas can be a big help with this. Also give a choice would you like a pony tail or headband today? She might say neither but let it go unless it's important.

Our rule was that kids who want long hair have to put up with either ponytail / braid / something to keep it untangled or with the brushing and combing. At one point, DD had waist-length hair, and had to sleep with it in a braid because she wasn't willing to deal with me picking the tangles out in the morning. She now has much shorter hair, and everyone is happier.

We also switched to conditioner-only (no shampoo) about 2 years ago, and that really cut down on the tangles. Plus her hair looks great.


Any chance it's "I can keep it together in public, but need the relaxation of a good meltdown at home"?

We use melatonin to facilitate an earlier bedtime in the summer. DD7 needs ~11 hours of sleep a night, but without something to override the "daylight = waking time" cues, she'd get more like 9 hours this time of year. Better sleeping sometimes improves home behavior, but stress trumps sleep.