Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Death of a pet

DD7 found her goldfish floating belly up this evening. I know a fish does not sound like a 'real' pet, but she had it for 2 years and is just so upset about it. She cried for a long time and kept going through everything she could have done wrong to have caused it to die. She varies between feeling guilty and sobbing hysterically because she loved the fish so much.

I remember when we lost a dog just before her third birthday. She only said about 10 words at the time, but she understood what happened and she mourned that dog for months. She still talks about how much she loved and misses her.

I wish there was something I could do to help her feel better.
I know this is part of life, but it hard to watch how upset she is. She feels things so much more strongly than any other kid I have ever met and she has a strong affection for her animals. I swear she communicates on another level with her dog. It is almost eerie.

We went through a similar thing with the death of a 4-week old praying mantis recently. The conversations quickly shifted to lots of deep stuff like the existence of God, heaven, free will, etc. It was very hard for all of us.

What got him over it, I think, was a discussion of genetic abnormalities. This praying mantis had only molted once, whereas they typically molt 4 times by this age, I guess. So I was able to convince him that this particular one was just not meant to be, and how the world depends on most praying mantises dying before they reproduce or we would be overrun.

It got him over feeling like it had been his fault.

But I do wonder whether he'll be hesitant to get attached again soon...

My four year old son was devastated when his hamster died (my son was three at the time). We made a casket out of a macaroni box, which had a see-through window to allow easy viewing of the deceased, lining it with tissues. We then had a nice funeral and went to bury the little guy in the forest behind our apartment. It was winter. I explained that some other critter would most likely eventually dig him up and eat him to survive.

I think it's a blessing in disguise for a child to lose a pet before they lose a human being they REALLY care about. It can be an occasion to explore themes of life and death, morality, etc. While it's natural to feel sympathy for a kid who's going through a rough time, losing a pet isn't all bad.

Our cat passed away last August and we knew that DD would be devastated. We knew the cat was very sick and had time to prepare so I did research on how to explain it to a toddler and what words to stay away from, etc. All went well and she accepted and understood it all, but she has also lost her grandmother during her young life and from an early age learned the frailty of life. The interesting thing to me is how she still talks about the cat, almost on a daily basis. She really isn't upset during these conversation but more just acknowledging him. Perhaps in time she will focus her attention else where but clearly needs to keep him in her mind and heart right now and I have no problems with this. Whenever she does bring him up; we talk about him, following her lead.

Bobliotherapy helped DD's work through their grief. Here are some ideas for books:
biblio