Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Hard to meet playmates??

OK- so, is it just us?
Does anyone else have trouble finding good playmates for your young gifted child?
The older kids are in school or already have buddies, the kids my DS's age are parallel playing or not into the same level of pretend play/cooperative play...sigh. Frustrating. My DS so often turns to me as a companion, which I enjoy, but he really needs a playmate who doesn't need to do the dishes, go to work, do the laundry, etc etc.
He's more verbal than the kids his age and he gets really frustrated when he introduces himself and asks to play, or they ignore him...
He's signed up for preschool in the spring.
any ideas? sympathy?

Funny you should write this today.
My dd (who will turn 4 in July, and who can pass for 5 based on looks) went to story time at the library today, and I was a little shocked at how different she was than the 3 and 4 year olds around. After story time was over, she runs up to me and says "Mom, I made a new friend." I see her talking to a kid, approach the woman who I figured was probably the kid's mom and struck up a conversation. Turns out the kid was 8 years old. I told the mom it was nice of her daughter to "adopt" mine, but I could tell from the way they were interacting, it was as peers, not as big kid being nice to a little kid. Again, shocking, but when I think about it, dd's comprehension is around 2nd-going-on-3rd grade, so maybe not that strange.

My dd is fortunate that there are a 5 yo (who seems "young" to me) and a 6 yo (who dd gets frustrated at whenever she can do something -- always motorphysical, of course -- that dd can't do) in our neighborhood who are dd's sometime-friends, but they don't interact on a regular basis. So, like you, I am dd's main companion.

Every once in a while I am reminded of what an outlier dd is (she seems like such a normal kid when I have no basis for comparison) and today was one of those days. It does leave me wandering what is in store for her.

My plan for now is to concentrate on sports, where she is pretty average, and, when she's older, on things like theater, where she can be in a mixed-age setting. And maybe sneak her into the older storytimes? But yeah, any other ideas would be appreciated.

DS6 has no problems finding playmates... though he does get frustrated by the immaturity of most near his age. The issue we have is ME. I have the issue with the immaturity and the fact that most parents seem to just let their kids run all over the place/neighborhood with very little supervision. That doesn't work for me at all. DS6 is actually the responsible one of my two (DD4 will just "go"; whereas DS6 will ask if he can), BUT still...

Yes, we do. All the kids who are on level with DD are in school. Summer is good because she gets to play with these friends more. In fact I will be watching on of her friends who is 7one day a week for the summer, so this is great. DD also had a friend who is 6 spend the night the other night. So summer is good for us LOL.

But we do have a harder time, as kids her age she ets frusterated with and actually thinks they are rude because they do not play like she does. It definitly is difficult at this age. Everything is for 5 year olds and up around here and even though she could fit in great, the age cut offs are there.

Clay- yes- we've had that happen too- Nick is 2.5 yo, and looks like a 4 yo, so if he's happily playing with a 4 yo, it really doesn't look like the older child is just being "kind" IYKWIM?
He gets on really well with 4-7 yos as far as pretend play and carrying on long conversations.

We are not so fortunate to have neighbors with kids- we are REALLY rural. So we go to the library, parks, beach and let him play with the kids there. He's always been frustrated with the younger set, even when he was 1 yo. I tried putting him in a daycare setting for 3 hours a day so I could get just a little income, and he was so ANGRY to be in a room of "babies". Sort of like he's a 30 yo frustrated to be in a 2.5 yo's body...??

I like your plan- my LO is good at sports and really coordinated, I may need to look at classes/groups to help him make more like minded buddies. I'm just sad to see him ready socially and not finding peers in his local group... whereever we go the other parents are shocked at his vocab and physical prowess. He stands out. sigh.

JJ's Mom. I hear you! Doesn't it drive you bonkers when parents aren't supervising??? argh!

Another thing I do, which isn't the same as having intellectually-matched peers, but is better than just hanging out with mommy all the time, is use teen babysitters (a couple of them have been homeschooled). I'm a doctoral student, and when dd was little I worked very part-time, so I've had teens come for a couple/few hours several/every day of the week. Lets me get what I have to do done, mixes things up for her; more expensive (per hour) than day care, but not prohibitively so.

Speechie -- I wish you luck with PreK next Spring. DD was in daycare for about a year, and she did fine, but since I've taken her out, she's just bloomed and is now SO different from her age-mates, which sounds like how things are with your DS. I cannot imagine putting her in PreK now (partly because I share JJsMom's frustration re immaturity).

Both of mine have done well in the daycare setting, but mainly b/c they have had "teachers" that have known what they needed.

We have a girl that just graduated high school watching them for the summer, and both DC chose to be with her rather than being with the rest of their "friends".

I have plenty of sympathy! As mom of an 'only child' giftie, we end up doing a lot of playmating. Tween 'mother'shelpers' Teen babysitter, honorary grandparents, daycare where they let him spend most of his time with older children are all possible. A very expensive, and certainly not possible for everyone idea that often works really well: siblings. Of course the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it does look very very green over there!

Love and More Love,
Grinity

thanks

I am nervous about preK, hopefully it will go well and he'll be happy, and his teachers will be kind/understanding.
We do have a few in home sitters- he LOVES these ladies- both over 50 but energetic. One more grandmotherly, the other, extremely outdoorsy and natureloving organic farming awesome lady!
I don't have any tween/teen mother's helpers, but I am tempted. Usually I just have him "help". Usually it makes more work LOL. Like today when I was cooking a rhubarb coffeecake, and he was cooking too. I gave him some baking soda and vinegar to experiment with...hmm. Mea culpa for the bubbly mess- I didn't mind too much as the cake turned out

Grinity! EEEEK to the sibling idea- Lordy, I am nearing 40, I'm exhausted from this fabulous, psychomotor OE gifted exuberant extroverted child!
Sometimes I wonder how people cope with 2 or more! kids. Maybe I'm just a wimp? I do appreciate the idea, I do see siblings enjoying each other. But I'm so loving having only one, methinks.

Hoping somehow we'll find some neat kid that is a good match someday for my LO. I'll keep searching. We did have a good playdate at the beach with a 3.5 yo, invited them to the library, and it was no longer a good match. Again, the pretend play skills weren't there. Good match for gross motor play/beach play, but not cooperative/pretend play...ah well...

Hi Speechie (cute screen name),

I feel your pain. I, too, went through this and even though my daughter (3 1/2) is now in school and has playmates from there we still find it hard. Now that it is summer we venture over to the community pool and each time we do I find it interesting how the older kids gravitate towards DD and even more how DD's verbals match theirs. The other day we had a 12 yr old hanging out with DD and it was so cute to see their conversation. DD always seems to match verbal to whomever she is talking to. The down side to this is when she is with kids her age she tends to shorten her sentences to fit in, but when she is around older kids she is in her own element. Then yesterday while at the pool a 9 year old followed her around and was shocked at her age since she has a little brother DD's age who was also at the pool but DD wasn't interested in playing with him and the little girl who was hanging with her certainly didn't treat her like a baby.

As for the school and concerns .. you really won't know how he will do until you try it out. Lots of people on this board placed their toddlers in social preschool since it focuses on play and not much on academics and seem to be happy with the programs. We tried the social preschool route too, but came to realize it wasn't a good fit early on and scrambled to find some where else to send her. We really lucked out in her school she goes to now. It is a Spanish Immersion program so everything is taught in Spanish by Native speakers plus the program is academic. The 3 yr old class is doing kindergarten work. DD loves it and was challenged the minute she stepped into the door since everything is in Spanish. If it wasn't we would have had to look to move her up to Kindergarten since she was already doing everything that they were but in English. At least this way, until she is completely fluent in Spanish she is still in a learning process.

Too bad your son doesn't live close to us... he sounds so much like my DD especially with the imaginative play.