Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion I just got trashed by a friend

I keep harping on this, but if we can emphasize that everyone has a unique amalgam of traits and is an individual, much of that weirdness disappears. Giftie parents often do have experiences more similar to developmentally disabled kids' parents than to run of the mill kids who can "fit in."

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!! I see WAY too much of the "keep your head down" approach in parents of gifted kids, and I always say to them, how can we possibly convince these kids it's a good thing, not something to hide or be ashamed of, if we act like we're afraid to talk about it?? It's not always so much a matter of using the "G-word" (though I think it can only help to increase awareness of what giftedness is), just of being honest when you're dealing with a child who is highly intelligent and has perfectly legitimate special needs because of that.

Sorry to hear this... I "came out" to a friend the other day abt the fact that my DS8 is EG .. and how this came with many problems and hurdles.. she laughed.. then said "well we all think our kids are gifted don't we !" .. OMG OMG OMG I was speechless

Sigh. Well, you can tell us over here. We all commiserate with the lows as well as the highs!!

It just happened to us too. I noticed that my son's classmate's mum loves talking to my son. She'd ask him what happened in class etc because he can't help giving super detailed answers. His vocabulary is, well, precise, and I've heard her ask for clarification. Anyways, I was shocked when she said one day, "your son likes to show off, huh? Like he wants people to know how much he knows, and he thinks his opinions are so important." ??!!?

I'm trying to understand the thought process- parents with same age kids can't help doing a comparison. And when there's a big gap, they attribute it negatively to the other kid to preserve their own sense of well-being. How bizarre is that?

I've been on the receiving end of this type of reaction. It started when I was in first grade and continued through elementary school. I'd be debating Mickey vs. Donald or talking about some kid thing, and suddenly someone would get angry and say, "You think you're so big!" Also, this one girl always got annoyed with me about using "big words."

I was mystified. Thoroughly confused. I never understood what they were so wound up about or what "big words" they meant.

I do remember telling my first grade teacher that I was ambidextrous. She related this to another teacher the next day, in front of the whole class, and the two of them laughed. At the time, I was mortified --- because I thought they didn't believe me. I thought they were being rude!

Finally, years later, I figured it out when someone at a college where I was teaching --- a college! --- told me that I used a lot of "big words" when I was teaching, and that my students didn't always understand me. This was an advanced science class, not a remedial course!


Well, anyway, my best guess is that people get resentful because they don't understand. Maybe they think we or our kids are trying to deliberately confuse them or show off. They probably don't understand that for a young gifted kid, those "big words" are just, you know, words.

Maybe it would help to try to explain it those terms ("He just seems to be good at learning vocabulary words; I don't think he's even aware that he's using "big words"). I don't know.

This has been a late-night post from someone whose cat prefers running across the roof to coming in. Bad cat!



Val

These days, Val, I just do a weak defense, try not to get too riled up (by venting here), and just try to forget about it. If I were to give up on every friend acquaintance that said something similar, I wouldn't have many people left to talk to. Alright, I'm half exaggerating .

As an aside, are you ambidexterous too? My son is. I know of 2 other E/PGs (one is tested, the other is a strong candidate) who are too, although one other that I know isn't.

Yes, I'm ambidextrous, though I have to train each hand to do stuff (perhaps everyone who has this ability does). I used to play squash and tennis, and ambidexterity gave me a nice advantage, especially over new opponents. People who didn't know me would be very surprised when I returned what appeared to be an impossible-to-return shot!

Val

Interesting topic: ambidextrous. I would never consider it a part of gifted but blob might be on to something. We suspect that our DD 3 1/2 is ambidextrous. She has always favored her left hand and now is definitely left handed when she writes or eats, but when it comes to sports like items, ie. throwing and kicking, she favors her right side. Is she ambidextrous? I'm not sure but it seems like she is headed that direction. I wonder how many kids from this community are similar.

Katelyn'sMom, let's start the topic somehwere else. I'll try to gather my thoughts about this issue. The other off thing is hairwhorls - DS and his ambidextrous friends' are just all over the place. This is all very anecdotal and unscientific, however.

I can *so* relate--I deal with this issue in my husband's family--and they are educators! Two of my children are in gifted ed & instead of being able to celebrate them, I feel like I have to keep my head down so I don't offend anyone. My mil says she wishes they wouldn't "label" them. But really, it's just a word unless you let it have some sort of power, isn't it?

I try to treat my children just as my parents treated me: I was no more special than anyone else at school & I went to the classes that were appropriate for me. I have no idea if they encountered any of this negativism. But I didn't think it was any big deal to be in gifted ed.

Interestingly, I was reading the report from my 8 yo son's IQ evaluation & in the observation notes the psychologist stated, "His spontaneous vocabulary is mature using words such as apparently, confusing & actually." Like your children, he uses these & many more words in his everyday vocabulary. I get such a kick out listening to him.