Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Sensitivity in almost 5 year old

Hi Everyone! I am new to this forum and still finding my way around. Sorry if I am posting this in the wrong spot. I am very new to raising gifted children. I have a dd who just turned 7 that was tested and found gifted this past year. She is doing just fine but I struggle to find books age appropriate for her due to her reading and comprehension skills being at a 5th grade level.

My main concern however, is for our son. He will 5 very soon and we are struggling with his emotional roller coaster. He will not be tested for awhile thanks to our school district, not to mention he is so young, but I will be spending the summer home with both of them. He is showing signs of possibly being gifted and we plan on working hard this summer on gracious knows what since he is beyond ready for Kindergarten. My question for all of you is whether or not any of you have suggestions as far as the emotions go.
My dh and I both believe in well behaved children and avoid encouraging bad behavior while praising the good. When ds cries for no obvious reason, I don't know if he is doing it for attention or if there is an underlying issue he just can't figure out how to make us understand. He is very verbal and happy go lucky but it kills me when he gets so upset with himself about small mistakes and starts to cry about it. He knows I am not upset when he colors outside the lines for example. He seems to cry because he is really upset with himself.

Any books or links you can suggest would be greatly appreciated! Like I said, we are new to all of this and want to be as supportive as we can without hindering them by allowing behaviors that are strictly to gain attention in a bad way. That will just make it harder on him when he starts school next fall. We want to understand so we can help them understand how to manage emotions according to time and place. They both know we are very proud of them and how much we love them. We are just afraid of making a mistake by not recognizing why he's so emotional. Thanks!

My suggestion is too look for commonality with his episodes with crying.


Wife and I found that both boys are sensitive to light, loud noise (especially noise) and crowds ... the youngest can have a whole mood/behavior change if he is overstimulated becuase of constant loud noises or being in a group of loud and rambunctious kids. Removing him from situations like that has cut down the amount of episodes.


If you deduce that it is a call for attention, judge if it is warranted, if not (ie being spoiled), then either tell him to change his mood or he can play by himself in his room alone, since no one likes to be around a grumpy gus. Be prepared to follow through with this threat, if he does not correct his behavior.

If he is actually very sad, talking is always the best medicine.

Welcome! This article is a good intro:

http://www.sengifted.org/articles_social/Lind_OverexcitabilityAndTheGifted.shtml

Welcome Tinkerweed! First, for your DD, do some searches on this site for book lists/recommendations. There are several threads that have loads of great ideas.

I am very familiar with sensitivities, but I sure haven't figured them out yet! My DS6 showed similar outbursts when he was younger and his drawings didn't turn out how he wanted them, and he eventually stopped wanting to do any art projects or learn to write letters (even though he really wanted to when he was younger). I attributed it to a combination of asynchronous development (he knew how he wanted his pictures to look, but his hands weren't developed enough to do it) and perfectionism, which he seems to have been born with.

The Davidson Institute has some good tips for dealing with perfectionism, written for parents of PG kids but the tips and links work for everyone: http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10203.aspx

I don't think you're making any mistakes! Parenting is a process. There is a lot of good support and information on this board, and hopefully you'll find something that helps you in some way. Welcome!

I was going to mention perfectionism with OEs. Your DS sounds like mine did (and still has his moments).

Thank you for the information, sorry it took me so long to get back here. You mentioned sensitivity to noise and it made me think a bit more- whenever the phone would ring he would cover his ears. I never asked if it hurt his ears but will make sure to do so next time it happens. He has no issues with loud places such as malls. We will have the Dr. check his ears and hearing since he has to go in for a physical before starting school in the fall. Thanks again for all of the advice and I am slowly getting through the articles recommended!

There are some amazing books I have read. We just moved and most are in boxes. I'll look for the best titles. My suggestion is to start reading anything you can get your hands on. The books, and my daughters last teacher with a master's degree in gifted ed, and our school gifted coordinator, and the school psychologist all say to throw out any parenting book that is not specific to gifted kids. In the beginning I thought that might be a little extreme. But my daughter is 6 and starting 2nd grade and now I get it! It is true they have some unique triggers. We are lucky because noise and activity do not seem to bother her. She knows how to seperate. Her only real sensitivity is to sound - but crowds are OK. What I have seen is that a lot of the parenting techniques for handling tantrums or modifying behavior just don't work. For instance, my daughter refused to open the car door herself and sat there and cried and then screamed for about 40 minutes before she decided to start honking the horn - which I had to stop of course. I kept thinking "she is such a smart girl. Obviously she will open the door and get out if she really wants to." Well, I discovered she would not. Later I found exactly that example in a book and thought, wow, really? They get really caught up in their emotions and can't seem to unwind. I am sure she will learn. The point is, however, that reading will really help you learn to understand your child. And it is important in school too - because even an educated teacher does not always identify the meanings behind the behavior. My daughter is "shy" and after 3/4 of the school year had elapsed her teacher wanted to put her in a different reading group. My daughter all of a sudden was stumbing over words she read fluently the day before. Her teacher was quick enough to realize that she just did not want to change groups. Never mind that she has know the children practically the entire year - is even friends with them! The teacher creatively kept her in the same group and change all her assignments and she was happily reading again. It takes creativity to understand your gifted child. Examples in the books give you valuable clues.

Just found this interesting article on the Eide blog re: certain sensitivities to sound and why audiologists wouldn't notice anything wrong:

Summary on Eide Neurolearning Blog The Biology of Auditory Processing - Sound Sensitivity

Actual article: Aversion, awareness, and attraction...usis in the
Williams syndrome phenotype