Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Thinking of homeschooling but husband has concerns

Hi. I'm really hoping to get some input from the homeschoolers out there.

Background: Our dd8 is in public school now (4th grade after a skip and she's a fall birthday). Her situation is ok for this year and is a vast improvement over last year's, but next year isn't looking good. Her district has implemented a new policy for next year where all children must remain in their main school of instruction (I think it's budget reasons, but they won't be specific about it). So she will no longer get bused to the MS for math. And the great teacher she has this year isn't looping and our choices for next year do not reassure me. The district doesn't do any 'gifted education' but instead has 'enrichment' which four years ago sounded great but we have found it really isn't implemented well and doesn't provide any additional challenge at our dd's level (or even close to her level).

Both my husband and I are so frustrated with the situation and we agree that we could provide a better academic education for her at home, but my husband is very concerned about socialization. She has a lot of friends in school, she is very social, and her favorite part of school is getting to see her friends. He feels that taking her away from that wouldn't be good for her. He thinks she should be learning in a group setting. I feel like I could cover the academics in much less time, freeing up afternoons to do activities like sports, play-dates, Girl Scouts, and fun programs at our local Y.

How easy/difficult is it as homeschooling parents to provide social opportunities to your children? What types of activities are they involved in? If your child was previously in school but is now homeschooled, how much did he/she miss the social interactions of school, and was it short lived or do they still pine for that constant, daily interaction with peers?

I really appreciate any advice you can give. We don't know anyone personally who has made the decision to homeschool and we feel like we are in uncharted waters. We're struggling with whether this would be the best move for daughter. Thanks for reading!

I don't homeschool but know people who do around here. I would recommend scoping about the homeschooling scene in your area. I think the ease of socialization depends on where you live. Where I'm at there's so many homeschoolers and I think it wouldn't be that tough to socialize but I can see in other areas it would be.

See if there's any yahoo groups or other organizations that can lead you to local homeschoolers. Perhaps if you get to know them a bit now it would ease everyones minds about next year.

I have a friend who homeschools her kids. They use an online course with a teacher they talk to thru email and phone. She is involved in a homescool group activites, sports and scouts. She feels this is meeting their social needs. All the repetion was really bother her kids and they were not being challenged enough. Her son's behavior has improved at home after reliving him of these stresses.

I would check into lirary, parks, recreation centers, and museums programs for homeschooler.

I don't homeschool but it could be a great experience.

Hi Ruby,

I'm not a homeschooler, but some of the moms here point out that their very social children have thrived because of homeschooling, not in spite of it.

Try this link:
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art27055.asp

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I pulled DS out of public school in Dec. to homeschool. He goes to school every day to do specials(gym, art, music, and enrichment)So he is able to socialize with his classmates every day. It can be a pain because the class is only 45 minutes long and you have to consider travel time.

There are also homeschooling groups you can join in your area. Look up homeschooling forums in your state.

It might depend on your location, but I feel like we have TOO many social opportunities rather than too few. I would start googling for "homeschool MY TOWN STATE" and see what you come up with? Do you know anyone else who is homeschooling in your area that could be a resource? It seems like there is a great divide here between the secular and religious homeschooling groups/communities around these parts and that can make a difference too depending on what groups you would prefer. I literally can barely get through my e-mail daily with all the stuff we have to choose from. Many weeks I feel like we forgo curriculum for social and hands on learning.

My child was in PS for 2 years (K, 1st) and didn't miss anything socially (and he is very social). He does lots of activities - piano, unicycle, soccer, taking drama this spring, doing 2-3 camps this summer, HS swimming lessons, and we live in a neighborhood with kids he loves. It's been great for us! We took a 3 week road trip this winter and a 2 week one after Labor day last fall. My husband was definitely a skeptic, now he's a huge fan and advocate of homeschooling. And it started as a 1 year experiment, if that might help you wrap your minds around it.

Ditto what Kim said. We've been homeschooling for nearly 3 school years now, and it seems like we are on the go all the time. DS8 does not lack for social time! Here's an off-the-top-of-my-head list of everything social or group-oriented that he's done in the past 3 years:

>School for homeschoolers (not common, but a handy private school with a college-like approach to selecting a menu of classes that suits your needs, plus recesses, yearbook photos, t-shirts, etc.)
>Homeschool co-op
>Homeschool group (parties, activities, learning-oriented gatherings, park days, etc.)
>Boy Scouts
>YMCA classes (sports, of course, but also science, cooking, art, etc.)
>Gifted enrichment classes by a nonprofit group
>Art classes
>Group piano lessons
>Soccer team
>Summer camp
>Junior First Lego League
>Foreign language lessons
>playdates: especially handy are the standing weekly ones, so that it's always scheduled and painless
>free time at the park after school hours
>play with neighbor kids who are not homeschooled

It hasn't been hard at all. Granted, not everyone has a school for homeschoolers in their neighborhood. But some public schools allow part-time attendance like Tall Boys is describing (ours does not), and private schools might allow a similar partial enrollment to ours if they're not full.

An active homeschooling community is helpful, certainly. Some places are better than others.

Keep talking if you need more help.

Thank you all for your responses.

Grinity, thanks for the link! I just looked and my library has a copy of that book. I'll be checking it out.

Kriston and kimck, I appreciate you sharing your personal experiences. I know our library and local Y have groups for homeschoolers. I don't know much about them, but I'm going to look into them. But other than that, I don't know of any that aren't religiously focused, which wouldn't work for us. I will keep looking.

I already do a lot of social activities with her in addition to school because she craves so much interaction. I became a Brownie leader so she could have a troop, we took sign language classes, she's been in gymnastics, swimming, soccer and chess club, but that's after school, through the school. And we have playdates every week. She also plays the violin and trumpet.

I feel like doing those, plus adding interactions with other homeschoolers and maintaining friendships she's had through school should be enough. But I can't seem to convince my husband. He's afraid that she will be missing out socially because she would be working with me mostly and won't have the benefit of being in a classroom 6+ hours a day, eating lunch with friends, working on projects with friends, that sort of thing.

Kimck, you said your husband was a skeptic. If you don't mind me asking, what were his objections and what has changed his opinion? Kriston, did you encounter any of these concerns from your husband or other family members? And if so, how were you able to persuade them?

Idea #1 - go out of town for a week and arrange for DH to do all the driving and scout team meetings for just one week, and then see if he can say with a straight face that she might not get enough social time.

Idea #2 - there is a diffence between 'being social' and 'being socialized' - see if he isn't worried about the latter.

Best Wishes -
Grinity

I'm not sure how to say this w/out sounding rude b/c I don't mean it that way. How about having your DH consider the family closeness that will result rather than your DD being close to outsiders? I think a lot of the problems w/ kids these days are that they are so peer-oriented. I read an article along these lines. Never before have kids been so peer-focused....on the cell phone, texting, on facebook or myspace constantly. She's young. If she were high school age, then I agree that it would be nice for her to have classes with others, learn from different teachers with differing teaching styles etc. How about doing family game night? how a bout all of you learning to play chess together?

My son says they only had 20min for lunch...barely enough time to swallow. And exactly what are the benefits of being in classroom 6+ hours/day being taught below your level?

The benefits for us is that we can get all of our work done and still have 2hrs to spend hiking in the spring when the weather is nice. My boys are very connected to nature, exploring, animals, plants - they would not have that opportunity being in a classroom 6+hrs/day. Yes we'd have the afternoons but DS hated homework that was below his level anyway so it would take him 2hrs to do it - and that was 1st grade. Then there would be afterschool activities. Now we can go to the pond and watch the frogs mate, lay eggs, what the eggs develop in the wild, and sit next to pond while THOUSANDS of baby toads emerge from the pond like popcorn popping..and watch the dragon flies lay eggs, then come back and catch the dragonfly larvae in nets (putting them back safely of course) etc. Also, they get to take an archaeology course from a professor of archaeology who is passionate about his work and developing critical thinking in kids.

Anyhow, off my soapbox...as you can tell, I'm not in a good mood today. Just read my post in Resources and you'll know why.

Dazey

We don't have a lot of HSers near us so our opportunities are more limited. But we have a couple of families where the kids all adore each other and they get together several days per week. WHen my son was in school, he had tons of friends...but oddly none that he asked to see during the summer and when the school year started, he'd get a new batch of friends. This way, he has really fostered meaningful friendships...friends that he miss when we or they are away....friends that he's learned to accept their differences and have learned to work on conflict. So for us, it's quality over quantity. But, here's a huge caveat.....I have boys and I know they are different animals socially from girls.