Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Newbie here looking for help

Hi! I am hoping to find some help with decision making for my DS7, this may be a bit long... sorry.

A bit of background - DS's kindergarten and 1st grade teachers both requested he be tested as gifted. The GATE coordinator said no because he wasn't in 2nd grade. With our DS constantly complaining about being bored in school and getting mad about having to go when it is "so easy and I don't learn anything new" we decided to get him tested on our own. He tested as HG on the WISCIV, 99.9%ile for his age group. We went to his principal with the scores, she advocated for him and he was tested (haven't received those results).

His school doesn't have a GATE program and his teacher hasn't kept up her part of the bargain to help him be more challenged. DS complains daily and we are concerned that he will develop a huge dislike for school.
We are looking into private school - one is super-duper expensive but is specific to HG kids (waiting to hear if we get financial aid), the other is affordable, we are quite familiar with the school and have a relationship with the admin. Class size 1:10 teacher:student ratio, they will be able to individualize his work and pull out for math, reading, etc. as needed. He will be with his age group who are at various levels of learning and he already has friends there. The big question at last:

If we aren't able to get financial aid for the HG school, do you think the other school will be enough for him? Do HG kids do best with their peer group or will the school being flexible to meet his needs be enough?

Long post for a quick question... thank you in advance for your wisdom and advice.

When it comes down to it - it's all about the classroom teachers. The other school may well be better than the school that claims to be HG if it is more flexible, and 'sees' your son's actual readiness level and educational needs.

Spend time inside a classroom at the HG school. Do not listen to what they tell you on 'Parent Tours.' Observe the teachers, and how the students interact. Does the kid who asks the 'deep' question get ridiculed?

One of the questions I would have is 'how high does the school go up to?' as you may run out of room to go 'up to' if your affordable school only goes up to 5th grade, for example.

Sounds like both schools are worth looking at. I would strongly push for a gradeskip NOW, as your child most likely already has a huge dislike for school, and 3 months is 'forever' in the mind of a child. You can always 'decelerate' next September when you start over at a new school.

Even better, will either school allow you to move him over NOW. That way you can 'try before you buy' in committing to a full year of tuition payments.

If 'other school' regularly pulls kids out of grade for reading and Math, that's great. If they are 'brainstorming' just for you - get it in writing before you sign that contract.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Hi Grinity,

Thank you so much for your advice! I hadn't thought about how each school may 'see' my son. I am touring the HG school today and will keep your advice in mind as we tour and visit the classrooms.

The affordable school goes up to 5th grade - your point is well taken and needs to be considered as we make our decision. As for skipping a grade now, well LAUSD isn't too flexible, but I can talk with the principal to advocate for my DS. The affordable school will take him tomorrow ~ they are wonderful. They also have a history of working with HG kids (I spoke to a mom there whose son is loving it!), so I know they have experience.

I so appreciate your advice; I can't say enough about how nice it feels to have support here when needed. I've been a lurker for a while, my first time posting... thank you!

I second what Grinity said! My DC has the same problems with school. I was told 'wait til X grade as that is where they really differentiate" etc. Well, yes, they do.... BUT..... it's not enough! We are already in the GT classes but that only meets 2X a week for 30 min. The regular teacher works really hard to provide more challenging work to those who need it and for most kids, that works wonders, but it's still not enough for us. The "harder" work is still not enough of a challenge that we hear the daily complaints that it's too easy, why should I have to go when I already know everything. When DC went to the teacher and asked for even more challenging work, it worked, but not consistently. We considered a really expensive private school as well and then came to the conclusion of... why not get the current situation to work more for us and then use that as a "second option" if all else fails. So... we ultimately decided to research like crazy, prepare all our resources and call a meeting with the principal with not "what can we do" but... this is what we want (a grade skip) and to our surprise, we are not considering the "really expensive option" anymore. Another note... My current school has NEVER done a skip in there history so..... don't discredit that! Go in prepared, research backed, and show them what you've got! They might surprise you like our's did! In fact, they were excited about the idea I almost cried when they said LET'S DO THIS! Not only will it benefit my child but will benefit many people in our shoes down the road because now the ground work is being laid on behalf of the months of prepping and researching we did for the initial proposal.

Excellent Point, bh14 - and I do encourage you to try for the skip, but if a month goes by and still no results, I would certainly move him to the affordable school for the rest of the year, and you can continue to apply and consider the HG school. I would be upfront with the affordable school, that you have a 'situation' and that they would be doing a child a great service by taking him now, even though you are going to consider the other school for next year because you want what's best for your child. You are giving affordable school an 'inside track' by starting there soon.

Good luck with tommorow's visit. There is an idea called the 'least worst option' = in case your were planning to stress yourself out looking for the best option when there is no best option, try to look for the 'least worst' situation.\

I know that 'continuity' is really important to some kids, my son and I are more of the 'extrovert' personality, to us, changing schools every 5 months would be perfect.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Thank you both so much for your valuable insight and my apologies for taking so long to respond. bh14 your experience sounds similar to ours however we aren't considering a grade skip as we feel our DS is socially in the right place and wouldn't emotionally succeed if we skipped a grade or two. I am so happy for you that your school is willing to work with you to help your child be happy and succeed in school!

A quick update... DS loved the HG school, said "it was awesome! They are doing MY kind of work." He loved the math and computers and library and felt it would be a more challenging school. We received the letter stating he is on the wait list for this school. I had a feeling it would end up this way because we are asking for financial aid and I think they give families who pay full tuition top priority. I understand it is a business after all.

DS went to the more affordable school today and liked it. He felt the work they were doing was more challenging than his current school but not as hard as he'd like. He said the teacher would give him challenging work and felt that would be okay. The teacher spoke with my husband and told him right off the bat that our son is very advanced (we hadn't told her this beforehand) and we should consider testing. He shared what is up with his HG scores. She said the school curriculum isn't specific to gifted children but she would differentiate his education. They have had a number of gifted children who were very successful at the school.

We just want the best for our son and are really in a quandary. Do we go to this school? Look for another? Hope the HG school will accept him as a student? We could start the affordable school but I'd hate to start and then leave - it doesn't feel right.

Do either of you work with an advocate? I have heard they can be helpful.

Thank you again for your help and advice!

YOU are your own best advocate!!! remember, you hold a very valuable piece of information by having his WISC scores in hand. Don't back down, be polite, understanding, but willing to pursue on and fighting for your child needs. I too, was told.... I will do this and tha for your child but it just never seemed to be enough. Same thing... School's too easy, I don't learn anything new. Just keep at it, form a POSITIVE relationship with the faculty and over time, things will happen. It won't change over night. You are doing a great thing by not waiting until it's too late to help your child. I don't know that anything is the right answer to tell you. One school can promise you the world, then you get there and have it NOT be what you thought! When we started school I contacted our district gifted person and was promised the world..... then when I went to tour our local public school, they looked at me like I had 3 heads for wanted to see the school (I guess most people just GO there if that is where they are districted to go) and then I was flat out told "we don't do anything until 3rd grade. I don't know WHY they told you that!" UGH! GOOD LUCK!!!!!!