Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Help with lack of motivation at school

Well I just got off the phone with my DS9's teacher. I had e-mailed her about my son's problems at home and him finally telling me that he's unhappy at school (I posted another thread about it). He told me that he just tunes out and that he would like more in depth and harder work. HOWEVER, come to find out that he is not even trying. He doesn't do a lot of the work that he is supposed to and when he does have a bit of a problem he just says "I don't get it" and then sits down and sulks. He is getting some other work but is not taking the initiative to do them on his own and is really just not trying in the slightest. I understand that he is bored in some ways but when he is challenged why is he just giving up? Also, why is he not trying at all? As his teacher said, and I agree, it is time for him to step up - especially now that he is in fourth grade. I guess the other kids have always looked up to him and now they also don't understand why he doesn't care if he does sloppy work and gets things wrong and just doesn't care. The three of us are going to sit down so we can help him to see that there is more than just getting harder work - that you also have to try hard. Does anyone have any similar experiences with children this age and what have you done about it to make their "gift" turn into a positive experience when this is happening. I think it is so important for him to learn this now so that he doesn't end up as one of the statistics of a gifted child who gave up. I would appreciate ANY advice .

Master of none, I am very intrigued. Can you give a little more detail on how you worked with each of your kids? For example, did you ask your daughter to remember three things the class was doing during math or three ways she was entertaining herself instead of paying attention?

www.heroesgifted.com/

Contact these folks and see if you can get your son to some of these events. Talk to the other parents. At some point homeschooling will be more appealing than what is going on in school, and yes, you will probabaly have to 'unschool' for a while while he recovers from what he has been through.

You have worked so hard withing the system, and still not gotten your son's needs met. Sounds like a private psychoeducational evaluation is needed to sort out what is really going on with your son.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

My son is very similar so I'll be following this thread. For example is the class does Starfall in computer lab. He is past needing that but he'll play with the learning letters part instead of looking at sign language, the one thing he doesn't know. Plus he likes sign language so I know he'd enjoy learning it.

So I have no answers, none, just comisseration. Good luck with him. I feel that kids like this can soar but getting them to try is next to impossible. I do think it may be a problem more boys, than girls, have. I plan on rereading a book called The Minds of Boys by Michael Gurian. I read it once and found it insightful but I think with a struggling son it may help.

Thank you for all the ideas and the great questions. I can't say that my son is very responsible in other areas of his life. School mornings are agonizing - having him get dressed, brush his teeth and come down for breakfast can be a half hour project. He just gets so distracted. If I ask him to clean up something from another room he'll stop five times before he gets to the other room (with me constantly telling him to move on)because he sees something he wants to look at, or read, or figure out. It's not a bad thing but it's frustruating at home and I think it's one of the things affecting him at school. He has to be independent at home because I have 4 other children and my husband is not home much. He is very sensitive to other people (i.e. opening doors, polite) and the teachers have said that he has always been a delight to have in class. His dad has ADD and I do relate some of his tendencies to my husband's but it is different. I have read quite a bit about Visual Spatial thinkers and in many ways he fits the profile - but with some of the characteristics he does not (very messy, unorganized, not good listening skills). Does anyone think that because he can't go through the steps with certain things that this may be a reason? I am a bit confused with exactly how a Visual Spatial child might approach school work.

When I got off the phone with the teacher she made me feel like he was just slacking off and he could do so much better and that he was supposed to be a "role model to the other children". No pressure there. Then after reading your advice and thinking about the fact that they have not challenged him until just now during the school year - well I think because it's been so long that he just doesn't care. When he's home and finds something he's interested in it's amazing to see the spark in his eyes.

But as Master of None asked - no, he nor I know how to get him engaged when it is something he is not interested in. And this scares me. But yes, I totally agree Master of None that "It sounds like if he says "I don't get it", that he either hasn't heard the directions, doesn't believe that he CAN think through it enough to figure it out, or doesn't get enough pay off from sticking with something to figure it out. To me it doesn't sound like JUST lack of motivation." Thank you for saying that as his teacher mad me feel such the opposite. I will definitely take a different approach when talking to him. I'm also going to get in touch with HEROES - thanks for the suggestion Grinity.

Kareninminn, I have to say that when it comes to boys and learning it is such a different world. My son is now starting to go through the social issues of being "smart" and being "cool". I'm sure this has something to do with it as well. I will be getting this book!

Thanks to all and again, any other suggestions or comisserations would be great.

Jules

Is she giving him harder work with no instruction? That is a mistake many teachers make - thinking "well if he's so gifted, he should be able to figure that out on his own." And if he's been unchallenged for a long time, even though he's ASKINg for harder work, when he gets it, it's a significant blow to his self-esteem. That's what happened to my DS. I took him out of school and was happy to bump him to work at his level.....he freaked out. He even told his dad that he wasn't smart. He. shut. down. for 3 months.

If you haven't had him evaluated, this might be the time.

Wow you hit the nail on the head! DS and I had a long talk last night and this is exactly what came out of our conversation. He said exactly that - that the teachers think because he is smart that he should know how to do everything without being shown how. I think it has been a blow to his self esteem and it is affecting every aspect of his work - in the regular classroom and the more challenging work that is being given to him. And as well I think he is thinking that he is not smart - especially as much as everyone thinks he is. He is also missing lessons while he is out for G&T and many times I think the lessons are taught in a more condensed version. And if he does not master it RIGHT away then he is not as smart as well. What pressure (and especially when they tell him that he needs to be a role model to the rest of the class). So how do you explain this to his teacher? I don't think she understands at all and I don't know if she will even after speaking to her. Once again, any advice would really help as we will be speaking to her next week - and my DS would like to be there as well to help explain how he feels.

One other question - when you say that he should be evaluated what kind of evaluation do you mean? He was evaluated at the school using the WISC IV already but scores don't seem to matter much to them (his GAI is 146). Or should he be evaluated for other reasons? again!