Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy ASD, ADHD, Dyslexia and BOYS

O.K. - it's finally happened. EVERY BOY who went to pre-school with my DS7, has now been diagnosed with one or more of the above (We are holding out - but only just). Apparently all the girls from the same class are doing fine. With my friends too, if they have at least one boy, then they have at least one diagnosis. The families of these boys, although probably above average regarding I.Q., do not stand out as socially inept, in fact quite the opposite. We also do not live in the Silicon Valley, but a very typical part of middle America.
I definitely do not want to undermine these conditions, and have every respect for parents who are doing all they can to help their kids who are serious affected. However I can't help wondering if, particularly in the case of Asperger's and ADHD, true norms for boys (particularly Gifted ones), are being diagnosed as problems. Does anyone know if when evaluated, the same criteria are used for both girls and boys? I personally don't think they should be expected to socially behave in exactly the same ways.

We struggle with this on an almost daily basis. My DD has an AS diagnosis, both her and her sister have ADD or ADHD diagnosis. Then you take them and put them with adults or older children who are closer to being intellectual peers and everyone talks about how well adjusted they are and about the conversations they have. All the while my older DD goes to the public school twice a week to see the social worker and speech therapist to work on "social skills". I think they just think differently and see the world differently. My older DD is definately "different" but she is probably the smartest of the bunch. She is doing amazingly well now with her GT online class, so what has changed? Is she just maturing socially, or was it a matter of peers? I've given up trying to understand all the labels and just treat the needs of the child. I was astounded to learn how many kids in our PS are "diagnosed" with ADHD. I am seriously wondering if some of us is a result of the educational system and changing our views as a society. I won't get started there. Sadly there are children who really struggle with these issues and it's becoming to common to really distinguish.

I think one thing to distinguish is wiggly-ness and not paying attention from truly having trouble or being unable to pay attention. I DO think way too many kids are being labelled as ADHD when really they just like to move around. And, although it's a very general statement, there are more boys who like to be constantly in motion. I also do think that this high number of diagnoses are a result of the educational system and societal changes in general. It's hard for a teacher with a room full of 25 1st graders to deal with a kid that likes to spin in circles during group time on the rug. It's hard for a teacher when a kid wants to constantly shoot his hand up in the air and shout out answers. It's hard for a teacher to teach math when a kid wants to climb under his desk. But does that means it's abnormal behavior? In many cases I'd say no. In some cases I'd say yes. Kids these days just aren't able to burn off their energy outside of class time as much as kids "back in the day" were. There's daily homework, reduced time in p.e., and very short lunch and recess periods. Why do we wonder that kids can't sit still for almost 7 hours a day? They are simply being kids. I've seen teachers that understand that, I've seen teachers that understand that boys generally like to move more than girls, and I've seen teachers that expect every student to act more like girls tend to in school.

That being said, there are defintely kids that have ADHD, and they defintely need our help and support. In fact, we just recently started our DS11 on meds for ADHD-innattentive type. (I know it's kind of a different thing since he wasn't in anyway hyperactive or causing disruptions.) I think a big thing is knowing your child -- do YOU think there is a problem or are you being too influenced by society saying that your child should sit calmly most of the time.

Lulu, I think your question about whether there is a different diagnostic standard for boys and girls is a good one. I would guess that a diagnosing practitioner (not a teacher) would take that into account, but I don't think it's part of the diagnostic guidelines.

I have 3 sons, one was born with autism (the oldest), and two who are not autistic. My middle one is HG+ (probably at least EG) and his needs were neglected while we ran a 50 hour a week intensive program for 6 years in our home for oldest ds. Youngest son is now 8, and he is the wiggly type, and also gifted but not as strikingly so as middle son. My older two sons are in high school and the youngest is in 3rd grade, and honestly I am shocked at how many kids are being "evaluated" for ADHD and related disorders. Last year my youngest attended a private school where MORE THAN HALF the boys were sent by the teachers for evals by second grade. Some people are going to get upset at me for this -- but here in NYC I blame it in part on therapies that are not effective (not even for kids with REAL problems like autism and/or REAL adhd). There are so many people pushing these therapies (mostly "sensory" programs) and there is NO SCIENCE supporting these programs. The kids do not get better, but rather they get a message they have a problem and "can't be expected to behave" -- at least that was what we saw at our old school. I know all about ineffective therapies because we wasted 3 years doing the recommended programs for my oldest, and he made no gains whatsoever. At age 5 his language had not improved, he was in diapers, he had made NO GAINS. I then quit everything I was doing and ran a 50 hour a week program out of my house, and my oldest began learning very rapidly. What is interesting though is along the way, as this oldest child improved, we were directed by psychologists to move him into new school and social situations and NOT TELL how severe he had been earlier. We were told by these psychologists that the labels could hold him back, so as soon as he could "pass" as not autistic we started him in school with his younger brother, without telling. GIven that experience (trying to get oldest to "pass" without labels so people would expect more from him), I am really amazed at how lightly people take labeling their kids who really may not have any real problem. I am not talking about clear cases of disability, but the situations where parents are sent for evals for their kid in a classroom where the parents (should) know that more than half the boys have ALSO been sent for the same evals. What was especially interesting at that school (ds attended last year) -- the kids were all well-behaved in preschool there, and had no problems. Only when the kids reached lower school, suddenly expectations were SO different (group meeting time on the rug for one hour?) and the teachers and everyone trying to get all the boys treated for "upper body weakness" and "sensory problems" and whatnot, and all of a sudden, you have a large number of "diagnosed" kids. In the case of my son's classroom last year, I think the quality of the teaching was awful, and my son and many others were simply bored, and did not have the maturity to handle it perfectly. The great thing about last year is parents DID end up comparing notes, and ultimately parents of SIX of the eleven boys in the class opted not to renew their contracts for this year. We are SO happy to be out of there.

I do think the bored boys behave differently from bored girls in general, and a bored, gifted boy is more likely to be sent for an eval. My middle one is verbally and socially very highly gifted and always seemed different in so many ways. But he is so tuned into everything going on socially, and from the time he was three or four he always appeared to be watching everyone very closely. If you have a boy like that, maybe he can handle being bored with the academics without acting up. My middle one actually attended a mixed age Montessori school in the same classroom with older brother (4 years older) and for several years he was de facto "incognito shadow assistant" to big brother, and he would help his older brother and also report to us all that happened each day. But my third and youngest son is more "regular boy" gifted and we feel he is very much at risk for an ADHD label especially here in NYC where it seems so trendy to get the kids labeled and then get them "sensory integration therapy." Having done the intensive SI for my oldest (and then having read and learned more about it), I would never waste my child's time with that again.