Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How do you deal with back-chat?

Elenor,

Love the going to school naked story. Just this morning I had to carry DD4 to the car with no socks, shoes or coat, since everyone else was in the car and ready to go. They can really be a challenge sometimes, can't they.

My son once argued when I told him to go play his game. The day prior I had told him he was grounded from it for a week, but I had spoken harshly and thought that was extreme. The following day i told him he could play for one hour and he argued that I told him he couldn't play for a week, stating that "You aren't being very consistent, Mom" Aaaarrgggg.

That isn't even the beginning of the arguments he has with me. I haven't quite found a way to deal with them, but I sympathize.

Hmmm, hate to admit it but...
I actually yelled at DD6 to shut up the other day because of this issue.
She laughed and did actually shut up for a few minutes.
She asked me for help on something and then proceeded to analyze my every move, critique me and my method of helping her and chat away, I just couldn't take it anymore.
Yikes.
Later I apologized but part of me realizes that it worked.

Yesterday I made the mistake of asking my 3yo "Do you want to get into trouble or are you going to start make making better choices today?"
His response back was a sarcastic "What do you think?"

Jaw drop!
Where the heck does he get this stuff from?

LOL Floridama...it may be hard, but try to think of it this way: your son is using sarcasm effectively (it got on your nerves, ergo it was effective) years younger than most people can even understand what it is.

OMG, I know just how this feels. People constantly ask me where my son gets these things lol and I have to say, I am not even sure!

Actually at the time I thought it was funny. I had to look away so he could not see me smiling.

It took some time but, DH & I have learned to accept the fact that our DS will probably never fit into the "proper child behavior" mold.

In my mind's eye I can still see and hear my then preschool aged son grumbling about not getting his way and then hearing him say "stupid mom" under his breath. When I told him to repeat what he had just said, he looked at me and said "STU-pendous mom." I have had to put my hands over my mouth and walk out of the room to stifle my laugh so he would think I was so upset with his behavior that I had to leave the room and cry. I found some things he said so funny that I did actually have tears in my eyes so it was sometimes easy to do and he really didn't like to hurt my feelings. He just had to learn to control his temper and to learn when he could say those sarcastic little thought that popped in his head and when it was best to keep it to himself.

My DS4 said that he wanted to be the "boss." So, I told him what the bosses jobs were. They include cooking, shopping, cleaning, planning, doing the dishes, the laundry, all outside chores (and named each - which were abundant) and feed, clothe and take care of all of Daddy's and my needs, plus the work I do for his Daddy's company, which leave almost no time for play. Then I asked him if he still wanted to be the boss. He (gladly on my part, I guess;) quickly said no. My DS is EXTREMELY strong-willed; and WE can deal with him fine; but only a handful of others can as well.

This post is very timely for us as well; and I don't want to steal your thread; but I am in need of a good, tearful vent. He is getting so frustrated lately about other things; and is making him more non-compliant in the areas where he feels he may get some ground if he pushes it. We believe that his other frustrations, namely his being a late talker, and being made fun of by other kids his age for talking like a "baby" are causing him to act out with us. He is a very sweet, loving, fun child otherwise. Although his speech is improving greatly, I have recently heard the interactions with other nasty kids. And he lets it get to him. He is very sensitive. He talks back to them right away and stands up for himself; but his voice is still not where it should be. And it is heart-breaking. I want to be nasty to the kids, asking if they can read, do Math,....; and "Why not?" that maybe THEY are the babies; but of course, I don't. The nasty thoughts that go through my head. I digress. I have a long conversation with my DS afterwards; but he still hurts inside.

My point is that maybe your DS is dealing with other things that
he is not telling you about. Hugs.

I really try hard to never use the "because I'm the adult and I said so" with my Ds (20 & 14 now). If there is not time to give a full explanation when they want to debate, I let them know we will discuss later. And then we do. I grew up in a "father knows best" and "children should be seen and not heard" family, and I do not want my kids to have the same frustration that caused me. I don't always modify things the way they want me to, but my kids always know that their concerns have been heard. Even when they were wee I did this. They may not completely accept my reasoning... but if I can't justify and explain it, then maybe my case isn't so strong anyway. I just feel like if I can't treat their ideas and wishes respectfully, I can't expect them to be respectful toward me... This has worked out well in the long run for us, in spite of some specific days with a lot of debate.