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my recently turned 4 year old will be tested in 2 weeks for early entrance to k. we are excited about the possibility of him starting school in the fall at 4 1/2. we do not think this is too young, or that he is too young. he is currently reading at a first grade level....so our only hesitation is that even k will be too easy for him (our district is full day, they do one letter a week and do not teach reading until the VERY end.)

but people, including people in the gifted dept at our district, keep telling us that MANY parents are holding their kids back a year, the opposite of what we want to do, and that it may not be good for my 4 1/2 year old to be in a class of kids that are 6 turning 7. bug.since when is it ok to encourage parents to red shirt kids to help them excel in sports, but discourage parents from putting their child in a situation where they will actually grow and help them excel in academics?

how would you respond to those who say starting kids one year early is not good for them? (fwiw...our son misses the deadline to start school this fall by 3 months and he is big for his age.)

I am currently dealing with this myself. I had DD4 tested, the psychologist recommended early entrance, and STILL every school I call says they rarely (if ever) make exceptions and I get a lecture about how important social and emotional growth is. I have an older DD as well who had social and behavioral issues partly because we were clueless about LOG and she was with her age mates. So I have argued that these kids are going to have social issues no matter what (I know from experience with DD9), and that they will be worse if we do not meet their needs academically. I am able to give them personal examples from DD9. I have gotten 2 private schools to agree to meet my DD, but they still may not accept her in K this fall (DD4 misses the cutoff by 25 days).

I feel your pain - I was just telling a friend that I don't understand why these strangers get to make such an important decision about my child!

In our city/state, public schools will not budge on the date cutoff for K, so our only option is private, and those are the schools telling me they likely won't make an exception. Perhaps your area's private schools would be more open to early entrance than your public schools are being? (if you can afford to consider private). OR are you saying that they are going to accept your DS, but are trying to talk you out of it? If the latter, just let it roll off and proceed to do what you think is best.

I wish I had better advice for you, but you can at least know that you aren't alone!

the private schools in our area will not take him early. i think it is dumb bc he will be 5 THREE months after school starts if they allow him to go "early." it just doesn't seem THAT early. but whatever. the public school is saying they WILL take him early IF he qualifies.....but then they say even if he qualifies i should consider not starting him early, and possibly think about holding him out an additional year like all the other parents are doing so that my child will also be 6 turning 7 in k. lol. ridiculous.

i am trying to just let it go, let them test him, and go from there. but the comments BUG.

Welcome! Might as well get used to being "bugged". You'll run into this situation over and over. The same old argument regarding social and emotional growth blah, blah, blah... Truth is they don't know what to say when faced with the challenges presented by these kids.

School is going to be a very hard thing for YOU if you don't grow tough skin and learn to just let the flak roll off.

I think any time you're going off the "standard" route for any reason there will be fallout. Grade skipping? They've met someone who grade skipped and never recovered from the trauma. Homeschooling? They have a weird cousin who homeschooled and never learned to read. Taking the SAT young? or learning Latin? or paying for music lessons? or entering the science fair (for Pete's sake!)? They're pretty sure it's all the parents doing the work, living through their kids and/or hothousing.

Basically anytime you stick your neck out someone will take a whack at it. (And try being the grade skipping homeschooler whose DS won the science fair last year! LOL) So if it helps, keep in mind that there are plenty of people willing to complain about anything, with absolutely no correlation to the validity of the complaint. You could be perfectly average with no aspirations or interest in anything and someone would find something to complain about. So you might as well go ahead and do what's right for your kid. Some of them might be convinced by counter-examples, or explanations of the potential downsides to NOT making a change, but when you find one that just holds on to their position for dear life and won't listen to logic, it's not worth the effort to argue. (Still tempting though.... lol...)

Hi and welcome! You have found the perfect place to share your frustrations and get support. This is a great bunch of people, many of whom have been in your exact position.

First, let me say that from your post it sounds like you know what is right for your son. You know your son better than anyone, including principals, teachers, neighbors, friends, even family. Don't let them make you doubt what you know to be true.

And be reassured that many of us here have had very successful experiences with our children getting early-K entrance, skipping K, subject accelerating, and grade skipping. We've personally done all of these and my kids are much better for it -- academically and socially. Our experiences at our school, for instance, were the first time they ever happened in our district, and with the success that they've seen with my DD particularly, they've now opened their minds a bit and have allowed other children to similarly be placed appropriately.

It's hard being the rabble-rouser, the innovator, the "pushy-parent." Especially because many of us here tend to be introverts. And you will always meet people who throw out their unsolicited opinions about the evils of grade advancement or even, God forbid, letting your boy go to school young-for-grade. You will have people not so much criticize your decision outright but more just make blanket statements which do not apply to you. Some relationships with friends and family will suffer.

You can try to convince these people they are wrong. You can say that the decision is right for your child. You can tell them about all the research. You can make a smart-alek comment. You can gloss over the intelligence of your child. You can say that your child should have been skipped three grades but you settled for just the one. You can moan about it later to your spouse. But in the end, you just have to do what you know is right and ignore everyone else.

Now, as for getting the schools to at least try early entrance, refer them to all of the research proving the success for well-screened kids (particularly A Nation Deceived) and have the school, if they need to, look into the Iowa Acceleration Scale which helps them make an objective decision.

And keep in mind, too, that schools have a lot of parents coming to them insisting that their children are brilliant so they are naturally skeptical. If you can prove to them that your child really is here at the tail end of the bell curve, that will go a long way. Good luck and know that you're not alone!

DS5 started private kindergarten this year at 4 1/2. He missed the public school cut off by nearly 5 months, so they thought I was crazy (literally laughed at me) when I asked about early enrollment. The public school counselor fed me a bunch of nonsense about socialization and suggested that if I enrolled DS early he would wind up depressed in junior high!

Fortunately, we live near a small private school for gifted kids with a cut off at the end of the year, so I was able to simply walk away from the public school without having to get into it with them. It's just as well, because the private school has been a wonderful success, and I can't imagine DS spending this year anywhere else.

At this point, having DS in kindergarten is so normal to us (and so clearly right for him) that it's easy to forget this was an "early" enrollment by public school standards. But then every once in a while DS will get together with his friends from preschool (who are all still in preschool) and we're reminded how different our situation is. One family has been weird about it, but for the most part, it's been an amazingly easy transition.

Hopefully, if you can just make it through all the red tape and, like Dottie said, smile politely when the school administration tries to tell you you're a bad parent, you'll eventually get to the place where your son's enrollment will seem so normal to all involved that you and the school will both forget it was ever a big deal.

One other thought after the long novel I just wrote above: most of the negative comments I got were along the lines of "A grade skip/early entrance may not be a big deal NOW, but when they hit puberty/get to middle school/ get ready to go to college at just 16 . . . ." That makes it almost impossible to argue. And it implies that the other party clearly knows more than you do. Stand firm. I always just say that we're caring parents who are willing to cross those bridges when we come to them. Just a heads-up, though, so you can get prepared with your responses.

DD11 started K early at 4 1/2 and she was 3 months younger than our cut off. Since this was suggested by her pre-k teacher, we just went along with it without further thought. When that wasn't enough though, I began to feel like a pest at the school, since they thought early entrance should be enough.

Many parents think they are helping you by volunteering negative information. My favorite answer has been "we are taking it year at a time". Most of the time this will end the comments and I quickly change the subject. It must be hard for other parents to understand what it is like to raise a gifted child. I would love to just send her to school and her age would predict the correct grade for her. She is now taking classes at 6th, 7th and 8th grade hopping all over the building as we try to find the right classes.

I think you should go with your gut as you know your child the best.

Jen

Each of my kids is slightly young for grade. DD15 skipped 2nd grade after being forced to repeat K following extremely successful completion of K at private pre-K school. DS skipped K altogether and entered 1st grade instead. That single accommodation proved too little for him also. He was offered additional skips, but we opted for subject acceleration at a more challenging middle/high school instead.

My 15 year old daughter is currently feeling the brunt of the grade skip regarding the dreaded situation of having to learn to drive a year later than her friends. Actually, it will be longer than a year due to the fact that she attends a private high school in a different state than our residence. She is extremely busy with extracurricular and schoolwork so she will probably have to wait until summer to begin commercial drivers� education and will then have to wait at least nine? months before she can take her driving test. Even given this terrible blow to her self-esteem (being facetious), she doesn�t regret for a second switching schools, then skipping 2nd grade. This driving situation is quite temporary as opposed to her academic and social success with slightly older peers.