Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion my parents did NOTHING and I went to Harvard

Don't get me wrong, I am still seeking out the best opportunities for my DD3, and totally support gifted education, but my point is I tend to worry so much about doing the right thing with my young daughter and that somehow I will screw things up if she doesn't get into a gifted program, but my parents were uneducated and did nothing for me and I went to terrible public schools and yet was able to get into Wellesley, Harvard, and am in MENSA. I am not bragging; I am trying to put things into perspective. I think things could have been better for me in school--I even dropped out of high school--but because the raw ability was there I will still able to go to the schools I selected and my lowest grade was an A- so even if my DD3 doesn't get special services etc. things may be just fine for her academically /socially;-) Honestly, I do think things would have gone better if I had been in a different environment, but I wanted to point out that if your child is highly intelligent, there will be plenty of academic options for him / her down the road. I think that it may be harder for PROFOUNDLY gifted children.

I think now is a different time in education. The situation is worst becuase of no child left behind and budget cuts. School is geared toward the lower 2/3 of the class. College has also changed in that kids are taking more years of schooling going for more Masters to be competitive. I'm certainly not a expert so maybe someone can confirm this. I would like to hear others opinions on this.

I also think much of the situation depends on a child's indivual personality, needs and level of giftedness. For my children, I see the lacking areas as hurting them and I'm going to do what I can to challenge them and try to renew their love of learning that school is not promoting. DD6 loves to go to free library and nature classes. DD9 did a free lego robotics class and chess club last summer.

People have overcome all sorts of obstacles, but that doesn't mean that all people can overcome them, or that we, as parents, should not try to remove them. Yes, of course, all we can do is our best. And I get that hearing anecdotes about gifted kids who do fine without accommodation may be encouraging. But for me, it seems like a pretty hollow argument. After all, my lowest grade was an F. Raw ability isn't going to get you anywhere if you're so angry at the world that you refuse to apply it.

My father did a lot, but not as much as he probably could have, and my mother was actually an actively negative influence on my academic career. Most of my teachers were kind and understanding but unhelpful, and some were the nightmare kind we read about on these boards all too often. I went to Cornell University at the age of 16 and had two bachelor's degrees when I was 21. But "I came out of it okay" isn't enough to erase the fact that spent years bored out of my skull, it isn't enough to make up for all the intellectual peers I never had, and it certainly isn't enough to convince me that the mistakes my mother and my teachers made with me don't matter. Children deserve to be happy and fulfilled while they're still children.

One more thought...We all should do what we can and keep trying but there can be limits. I'm not going to go bankrupt so my kids can get to a better school.

If we try our best to supplement, they know we care and understand, even if it's not perfect it can be OK.

I think we came from a generation of parents who did NOTHING, and many of us had good outcomes. BUT times have changed, continue to change, & in fact things were starting to change back in the late 70s & 80s. Just look at NCLB testing and it's importance in public schools. When we were in school, we took a test on one day--not for 2 weeks, like my kid's elementary school does. When I was in a gifted magnet high school, 2 girls for the first time took a course at the college...now our state legislature mandates that every kid take a college class or an online class.

I do think it's possible to do nothing and have successful kids. But research has also shown that PG & HG kids have a higher rate of depression, suicide, high school drop out, underachievement, substance abuse, etc. One thing that helps them be successful is to challenge them, accelerated them, grade skip, etc. Recently I talked to the mayor of my town who didn't understand why physicians keep moving away because of the schools here--he said, "my kids went to school here, and they're fine". I told him, "things have changed".

I think you have a point that gifted kids can do just fine without parental help, but I also believe that many of them can and do fall through the cracks. I have read that many gifted kids do end up dropping out of high school and I unsure how many manage to find their way back into school.

I also know that my dear uncle in the 1970's struggled with school and did not want to go at all since he was profoundly gifted. They did not have the options that they do now. He did receive some home bound instruction, but I doubt the adequacy of that. I think he would have loved traditional home schooling or the public cyber school option that is available to my ds. I know that I would have loved it as well .

I also think that at least in my neck of the woods, gifted education in the elementary public schools is practically non-existent. I cannot speak of middle and high school, but I imagine it is also inadequate.

I definitely do think it is worth doing something for gifted kids. I know that my ds is currently receiving the kind of education that I would have loved to receive via a public cyber school

My underachieving working class parents did nothing, and I nevertheless went on to grad school and law school--only to wind up maddeningly underemployed in a job I absolutely hate. My work makes me feel every bit as bored, trapped, depressed and isolated as I felt in the first grade while watching everyone else learn to read, so this post doesn't give me much comfort.

I agree with onthegomom that personality needs to be taken into consideration. In my case, I was a born perfectionist who was self-motivated to get As on every exam, graduate from law school with honors, etc., but because good grades came so easily to me, school was merely a way of documenting my intelligence, rather than developing it. I never learned to deal with challenge, take risks (intellectual or otherwise), or truly stretch myself, and I consequently missed the boat repeatedly once I entered the work world. I'm trying to correct some of this now, but it's hard when you've got a house and a kid and the economy sucks.

Knowing my son to be a perfectionist as well, I am determined to see that he's constantly challenged in school and keep those easy As far out of his reach. If that means paying for private school, I will as long as I can. At least all those letters after my name have been good for that much!

One example does not a conclusion make.

I wanted to add that I wasn't profoundly gifted and for those kids, they might NOT do well when given nothing. I do agree with you and for what it is worth, I am trying to find the best options for my daughter, but I was just trying to put it into perspective.