Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Homeschooling - for 'safety' reasons?

I just have to comment here. I respect every parent's right to choose an appropriate educational situation for their child. But it irks me to hear institutional school referred to as "the real world". How is it "real" to be in a room of 28 other kids exactly your age for six or seven hours a day? Both are valid educational options, and neither one is more or less "real" than the other.

Maybe you want your child to learn to deal with bullying, conflict, yada yada, but please choose your words more carefully.

EastnWest,
To answer your question, we limit the amount of TV and electronics in general. Also, because he is homeschooled (and prior to that, he was in a very small private Catholic school), we are able to monitor and control which children he interacts with. However, ds is not extremely sheltered. If he asks a question that seems beyond his age, I answer truthfully. I give as much (or little) info as he is satisfied with in many situations, but if he keeps asking, I keep telling. There have been some times when he's learned about things that I didn't want him to know (such as, killing, murder, wars-when the news was on at grandparent's house). In those cases, I try to make sure he understands that he is safe and that his family will always keep him safe. This seems to be his primary concern (his own personal safety and that of his family.) He is very observant, so he notices everything, from billboards, to magazines, books I'm reading, you name it. And, he wants to know all about it. His only real exposure to info beyond his age is from me or the environment but we haven't had problems with other children. All of our friends share our values, and our son seems to be able to handle info that might be beyond his years. He doesn't share information with others if we ask him not to. We rarely have to worry about his behavior other than having lots of energy and tuning us out at times. Of course I wouldn't want him playing "execution" games,and we have an extensive "bad word" list, but we tend to expose him to the real world as much as possible. Of course, OUR personal world doesn't include much that he shouldn't be exposed to at his age, in our opinion.

Info we share and are open with that some people believe is not age-appropriate: world religions and beliefs of others, death and afterlife-not just our personal beliefs, reproduction & birth, homosexuality-frieds had two mommies, and he wanted to know why, so I told him the truth., divorce, disabilities, homelessness, charity, ghosts and supernatural (he's very interested in this), and the aging process.

Info we limit exposure to and discourage: excessive junk food, killing of any kind-we don't even encourage killing bugs, death of children (because he worries about his own death), bad language-the big ones and others including words like "hate, shut up, stupid, dumb, idiot, darn", child abuse, potty humor-ok, my husband's not too good at reinforcing this one!, TV shows that have no positive benefit at all, video games r/t killing or violence, violence in general. I think these are typical for most of us.

I like the idea of a mixture of homeschool and extracurricular activities or classes outside the home. Balance is important to us. Even if children are exposed to things you don't agree with, the more time you have with them, the more they are seeing a positive model of family, relationships, and life choices.

Wow you sound a lot like my husband and I Unfortunately we don't homeschool right now and so far I haven't had much trouble with him picking things up at school. He went to a small private school last year and this year he's at a small public Montessori school. He's very impressionable though and I do worry about this in the future.

I am not the original poster, but maybe that was was why "the real world" was in quotes... to indicate that sudconline recognizes the irony of using that term and that it really is a misnomer.

Thanks to all for the replies. It helps to hear all the different views and approaches.

JenSMP - We share similar and limit similar things. Thanks for writing it all out.

My DS used to attend a small Montessori for 2.5 years. I feel like now that he is in PS, he is exposed to many more things I don't agree with.

I will take these comments to heart:
balance
reassure him of his safety
"Even if children are exposed to things you don't agree with, the more time you have with them, the more they are seeing a positive model of family, relationships, and life choices."

growing up in a huge urban city in the 70's I know I was exposed to way more negative, violent stuff than my ds gets. I turned out ok . Have to keep reminding myself to chill out.

It is always interesting to juxtapose different ways of life and different socioeconomic groups and raising of kids. Those kids raised on a farm or in the inner city will see things much differently than kids raised in sheltered suburbia.

Ahh but I grew up in a nasty city in the 70s, and there were several times when I was seriously a half step away from not turning out ok... or not "turning out" at all... It's not why we homeschool (we're more often the bad influence that the other parents are trying to avoid... LOL), but it is definitely why we don't live in that city anymore!

I think it's perfectly reasonable to avoid danger and trauma. I don't mean mediating every little disagreement kids have with their friends, or keeping him from knowing other people are different, but when a situation is really toxic or threatening it's going to take quite a bit to convince me DS needs to be there. And there are schools in our area (not many, but a few) that would absolutely fit that description.

Lorel-I did put "the real world" in quotes for that reason. The whole real world is obviously not like a room of same-aged kids. However, I do believe that our world is full of diversity of ability and opinions, and if kids are never exposed to that, they never have to develop skills to deal with those differences.

We live in a sports obsessed small town and safety is one of many reasons we homeschool. Smart kids are bullied by the sports kids. According to his friends, my 11-year-old son who is twice exceptional with motor dyspraxia would be a likely target for bullies unless his big, strong, very athletic cousins who also attend this school could somehow protect him. Teachers and bus drivers don't seem to notice the bullying especially if the bully is a good football player. My son's friend had to have stitches in his head after an incident on the bus with a bully.

I know from experience that it is harder to learn when you have anxiety about your safety. I went to a school where there were a lot of fights. I often worried about getting to my next class safely. One boy got shot and killed my senior year of high school. Because of the anxiety, I didn't learn much at school. I learned more at home where I felt safe. College was different. I felt safe there. Because of my experiences and those of his friends, I would feel a lot of anxiety about sending my son to a school where he would not only not receive an appropriate education, but would need to worry about his safety. I hope that we can homeschool through high school.

I also want to protect his mental health as much as possible. I don't want him spending a lot of time in an atmosphere where both teachers and students would make him feel even more different than he already feels. I also don't want him loaded down with homework and busywork after a long day of school that would take time away from learning the things he is interested in and doing things that make him feel good about himself like musical theater, piano, circuitry class, horse riding class, and 4-H and maybe some kind of martial arts in the future. We can make our private jokes about the school that feels coloring in the lines is so educational because he doesn't have to deal with that any more.

He is safe and learning in the way he learns best.

What a shame. I don't have personal experience with this, but it is a concern, in general. I have to say, though, that there is much more emphasis on "no bullying" programs beginning in elementary schools and I think that's great. However, I also think that there will always be bullies and mean kids. While my kid is not perfect and has encountered people that he doesn't like or whatever, he's not malicious. He'd just as soon leave someone he dislikes alone instead of purposely instigating/antagonizing.

Gosh, what a stressful environment. I think the worst I ever saw in school was a regular old fight in the lunchroom - a few punches were thrown before it was broken up. Definitely mild by comparison to things that occur today.

I hate homework.