Safety reasons probably isn't an accurate description, but it's all I could come up with. Has anyone made the decision to homeschool primarily for reasons of safety (or lack thereof) in schools, or social reasons such as exposure to things that are in conflict with your family's....values? I'm not even really referring to curriculum or teaching, but rather from the kids?

Truthfully, I can't say that as of right now, I worry about safety at school, but more as he gets into middle school. The school system here isn't the greatest, but he's got a great teacher this year and I hope he'll have the same good fortune next year.

I guess what I'm feeling is that DS is encountering things that are beyond his years, and to some extent, little pieces of his...innocence are being chipped away. What we feel childhood should be isn't really what it seems some other kids of about the same age are doing. Obviously, what's right for us isn't for everyone else and I don't have a problem with that, but how can I keep my kid from growing up faster than he's ready for if that's where the trend seems to be heading? I don't want him in a box with no exposure to anything, but just the opportunity to be a kid w/o having to worry about things that are beyond his years and that there will be plenty of time for as he grows up.

So, I guess I'm wondering if I'm thinking waaaay out there or if this is something that other people have decided to homeschool for.

Golly JDAx3, I think that a large percentage of homeschooler homeschool for that very reason. I'm interested to see how much of an issue it is for folks here, as so many of us are in such a scramble for the 'least worst' option that we never know what's coming next!

I know that some kids need to be with much older kids to get a shot at learning in a school environment, and that the older kids are not a good social match for some kids, value-wise and interest-wise, and that sometimes parents feel that they have to sacrafice innocence for academics, or vice versa.

Personally I believe that there are lots of 'good enough' combinations for most kids.

I've never homeschooled, but I think it's great for kids socially, academically, and a great way for families to pass on their true values. Plus it sounds like fun!

I expected to hate my son's Middle School years, but they were so much better than the elementary years that I just loved them (mostly) What I love about Middle School is that the teachers usually specialise in their subjects and can share that excitement, and that the students are (finally) being encouraged to think abstractly! Socially it was a larger group at the public school, and DS found some really good and interesting kids to hang out with.

Smiles,
Grinity

Dear JDAx3,

This is certainly one among the reasons we are homeschooling (we have done from the beginning--the lads have never been in school). It is also the primary reason we moved house several years ago: among other interesting happenings in our old neighbourhood, four (very nice, really) little boys on our former street were fond of staging mock executions (blindfolds, kneeling, toy guns to backs of heads) on the boulevard out in front of our house. Their mothers thought this was cute and funny; I did not. This was not our vision of childhood, and we called our realtor and got ourselves out to the country.

I don't want them living in a box, either, and I worry a bit sometimes, because, really, my boys are having a 1940s sort of a childhood in a lot of ways. They read lots of (mostly older) books, they go hiking with their friends, they're interested in fishing, they play board games with each other, they do lots of woodworking and leatherworking projects, they have chores in the garden and with the animals, they participate in our big family singalongs and volunteer at our community hall; they don't watch TV (the odd DVD is OK--maybe one every couple of weeks in the winter), they use the computer hardly at all (Google Earth, Dancemat typing, Word Perfect), nobody has any video games or iPod thingys (I don't even have a cell phone!)....

I dunno. They seem really happy to me the vast majority of the time, and I do feel as though their innocence has been preserved to an appropriate extent for their ages (4, 6, and 8). Things may change a bit as we go along, I guess, but I'm not so sure that they are missing a lot by not being exposed to the amount of crappy pop culture, materialism, vulgarity, whatever, that seemed to constitute quite a bit of what we saw (from the outside, admittedly) as the experience of childhood where we used to live. Sensitivity, thoughtfulness, consideration, moderation, independence, ability to think for oneself, all seem like values worth inculcating to me, and in our own individual circumstances, homeschooling seemed one way to help do this. Of course one can still do those things with kids who go to school, but one doesn't have to spend so much time battling the dominant culture, was our way of thinking.

Thoughts of a washed-up old hippie, I guess....

peace
minnie

This isn't why we're homeschooling, but it is a nice side benefit. Both my kids are "blenders". They both want to be part of the crowd in a group setting. My DS8 constantly seemed to be on the cusp of regular trouble making at school. He is really a mellow, easy going kid as a homeschooler. My 5 year old daughter would come home from preschool crying if the slightest thing went wrong at school socially. I personally felt a lot of stress during my elementary years just trying to fit in.

Anyway, I actually loved the community and parent base of our school, but didn't like all the things I saw on the playground and in the hall way. I had no issue with the teachers or the curriculum except for the fact that my child didn't learn much if anything the 2 years he was there. And if either of my kids wanted to go back to school, I'd search and try to find something that would at least give them a good shot.

My younger child has all the smart mouth my almost 9 year old has though and is definitely more "worldly" than he was as a young 5, just by virtue of being a 2nd child. So I totally agree with CFK! I guess it's not so much about "safety" for us, as it is about them just being safe and comfortable in their own skin.

I'm not a homeschooler myself, but one of my friends is a homeschooler and one is considering it. The reason you give seems to be an important factor in their reasoning.

I would want this for DS, but honestly, I worry that social issues would outweigh the benefit of this. I do tend to overworry alot about my DS, although, I keep it mostly in my head so as not to project on to him.

Yep, these types of things happen here, as well. Relocating is not an option for us, though. I don't mind 'gunplay' so much when it's reminiscent of cops and robbers or army or whatever - but the re-enactments of what's seen in movies/TV/videos that I most definitely don't let my DS watch is over the (my) line, imo. You know, the kids all get together and play with the dart guns and it doesn't have that vicious, raw violence feel to it - to me anyway. There is just so much violence and mean-ness out there and it's affecting the children at younger and younger ages.

Uhh, we use all these things. But seriously, our belief is everything in moderation. And we make it a point to be involved and know what's going on. Not so much the helicopter syndrome, but for example, we check on DS at the playground across the street, just to see that everything is going along OK, or to recognize if there's a situation in which my DS is behaving in a manner that's inconsistent with our values or what we've tried to instill in him. We check to make sure he's safe, but also that he's behaving as he should.

I believe that social skills and how to treat people are not skills with which teaching ends at 3 years old. There are always new social situations that present and require knowledge of how to handle them, and we try to provide that for DS.

Oh, most definitely. And I don't expect that he won't find out or be exposed to these things just as we all were at one time or another. And I'm also not naive enough to think that he doesn't/hasn't share(d) info he's acquired, even if we've told him it's not his place to do so. But we do try to preserve the childhood and not concern him with things that he has no need for at the various ages, kwim? And it seems so upsetting to him sometimes (depending on the info he's learned), I think because he knows that it's probably not age appropriate, however, now he knows it. Does that make sense? I guess it's like knowing something and then wishing you really didn't...

LOL, DS is an only, so we don't have quite the same thing. However, there are times that things come out of his mouth and I can usually figure out where/from whom he heard it. It's not all bad and we just use those times as teaching opportunities. Then, there are the times that I'm shocked and think I'm never letting him leave the house again because I just can't believe that things like (whatever it might have been) are out there...instead, we try to learn from those too. <sigh>

I've talked with several homeschool/charter teachers about this subject. Every single one of them has pointed out that traditional school kids after a certain age stop doing things like playing with dolls with their school friends even though they will still play with them in other situations. They develop a social mask of what is considered "appropriate" behavior for a child of their age and gender in their school. Homeschooled children tend to not develop masks like this among themselves because groups are normally mixed age and more accepting of such things, although might for mixed social groups like scouts. It allows them to keep their childhood longer in my opinion.

Academic fit was our main reason for picking homeschooling, but this factor is also an important one for me. Considering how Wolf works I want him to have the option to BE a child and play like a child for as long as he can/needs to instead of being forced out of it by school social pressures.

Very interesting topic. I would love for my ds5 not to be exposed to the crappy pop culture, materialism, vulgarity, and more than a few other things of the mainstream. Certainly I already feel like the battle is on now that he has starting K in PS. I also don't want him to "develop a mask" as described above either.

I'd like to flip the question from the original post. For those who have chosen not to homeschool (for whatever reason) how do you "keep your DC safe" from those things they are exposed to that are not in line with your values?

- EW

p.s. JDAx3, I liked the thoughts you already shared for your strategy: moderation + not helicopter, but keep a close eye...

I homeschool, but not for those reasons. I believe that kids need to learn to live in the world around them, and it is my job to teach them how to filter and interpret that world. As a matter of fact, I send my 7th grade daughter (13) to school for one subject and lunch just to keep her exposed to her friends and the "real world." We are lucky that she has a good group of friends whose values match hers.
I homeschool her because of the lack of academic peers for her. The middle school here was not willing to make any accommodation for her level and rate of learning, so I pulled her out.
She loves the mix of school and home, and I am glad that it keeps her in touch with "regular" kids her own age.

I'll second (sixth, whatever) that keeping one's dc's "innocence" in today's youth culture is a big motivator for many homeschoolers. That and having a chance at passing on whatever the parents' morals and values are. It's one (of many) factors as to why we homeschool.

I actually know of a lady who brings her 11yo dd down to our rural county (from a VERY large metro area) once a month, to expose her to a less consumeristic, more innocent lifestyle and worldview. They participate in our homeschool activities and small town environment when they are here. She's just trying to keep her Dd at "11" vs. "11-going-on-31" like many of her age peers.

That said, environment is *key* to any of these relationships. We were just discussing today how the youth at the church we left several months ago were *so* age-segregated, clickish, and generally difficult to work with. Dd, being bright and the ONLY girl in her age group, tended to gravitate to a slightly older group of girls (10-11 to her 8-9yo). They completely rejected her, based on age alone. (She eventually rejected them, based on maturity...)

In our new church, we don't see these behaviors. All of the youth - from 3rd grade up to high school - seem to get along, enjoy each other's company, etc. They *are* segregated for classes, of course, in very broad age groups (like pre-readers, high-school, and everyone else). But, the atmosphere is so very different.

So, it's not just the public education system that can be the source of problems - any group environment can make or break a child's innocence.

From my personal experience, it was primarily dance classes....

I just have to comment here. I respect every parent's right to choose an appropriate educational situation for their child. But it irks me to hear institutional school referred to as "the real world". How is it "real" to be in a room of 28 other kids exactly your age for six or seven hours a day? Both are valid educational options, and neither one is more or less "real" than the other.

Maybe you want your child to learn to deal with bullying, conflict, yada yada, but please choose your words more carefully.

EastnWest,
To answer your question, we limit the amount of TV and electronics in general. Also, because he is homeschooled (and prior to that, he was in a very small private Catholic school), we are able to monitor and control which children he interacts with. However, ds is not extremely sheltered. If he asks a question that seems beyond his age, I answer truthfully. I give as much (or little) info as he is satisfied with in many situations, but if he keeps asking, I keep telling. There have been some times when he's learned about things that I didn't want him to know (such as, killing, murder, wars-when the news was on at grandparent's house). In those cases, I try to make sure he understands that he is safe and that his family will always keep him safe. This seems to be his primary concern (his own personal safety and that of his family.) He is very observant, so he notices everything, from billboards, to magazines, books I'm reading, you name it. And, he wants to know all about it. His only real exposure to info beyond his age is from me or the environment but we haven't had problems with other children. All of our friends share our values, and our son seems to be able to handle info that might be beyond his years. He doesn't share information with others if we ask him not to. We rarely have to worry about his behavior other than having lots of energy and tuning us out at times. Of course I wouldn't want him playing "execution" games,and we have an extensive "bad word" list, but we tend to expose him to the real world as much as possible. Of course, OUR personal world doesn't include much that he shouldn't be exposed to at his age, in our opinion.

Info we share and are open with that some people believe is not age-appropriate: world religions and beliefs of others, death and afterlife-not just our personal beliefs, reproduction & birth, homosexuality-frieds had two mommies, and he wanted to know why, so I told him the truth., divorce, disabilities, homelessness, charity, ghosts and supernatural (he's very interested in this), and the aging process.

Info we limit exposure to and discourage: excessive junk food, killing of any kind-we don't even encourage killing bugs, death of children (because he worries about his own death), bad language-the big ones and others including words like "hate, shut up, stupid, dumb, idiot, darn", child abuse, potty humor-ok, my husband's not too good at reinforcing this one!, TV shows that have no positive benefit at all, video games r/t killing or violence, violence in general. I think these are typical for most of us.

I like the idea of a mixture of homeschool and extracurricular activities or classes outside the home. Balance is important to us. Even if children are exposed to things you don't agree with, the more time you have with them, the more they are seeing a positive model of family, relationships, and life choices.

Wow you sound a lot like my husband and I Unfortunately we don't homeschool right now and so far I haven't had much trouble with him picking things up at school. He went to a small private school last year and this year he's at a small public Montessori school. He's very impressionable though and I do worry about this in the future.

I am not the original poster, but maybe that was was why "the real world" was in quotes... to indicate that sudconline recognizes the irony of using that term and that it really is a misnomer.

Thanks to all for the replies. It helps to hear all the different views and approaches.

JenSMP - We share similar and limit similar things. Thanks for writing it all out.

My DS used to attend a small Montessori for 2.5 years. I feel like now that he is in PS, he is exposed to many more things I don't agree with.

I will take these comments to heart:
balance
reassure him of his safety
"Even if children are exposed to things you don't agree with, the more time you have with them, the more they are seeing a positive model of family, relationships, and life choices."

growing up in a huge urban city in the 70's I know I was exposed to way more negative, violent stuff than my ds gets. I turned out ok . Have to keep reminding myself to chill out.

It is always interesting to juxtapose different ways of life and different socioeconomic groups and raising of kids. Those kids raised on a farm or in the inner city will see things much differently than kids raised in sheltered suburbia.

Ahh but I grew up in a nasty city in the 70s, and there were several times when I was seriously a half step away from not turning out ok... or not "turning out" at all... It's not why we homeschool (we're more often the bad influence that the other parents are trying to avoid... LOL), but it is definitely why we don't live in that city anymore!

I think it's perfectly reasonable to avoid danger and trauma. I don't mean mediating every little disagreement kids have with their friends, or keeping him from knowing other people are different, but when a situation is really toxic or threatening it's going to take quite a bit to convince me DS needs to be there. And there are schools in our area (not many, but a few) that would absolutely fit that description.

Lorel-I did put "the real world" in quotes for that reason. The whole real world is obviously not like a room of same-aged kids. However, I do believe that our world is full of diversity of ability and opinions, and if kids are never exposed to that, they never have to develop skills to deal with those differences.

We live in a sports obsessed small town and safety is one of many reasons we homeschool. Smart kids are bullied by the sports kids. According to his friends, my 11-year-old son who is twice exceptional with motor dyspraxia would be a likely target for bullies unless his big, strong, very athletic cousins who also attend this school could somehow protect him. Teachers and bus drivers don't seem to notice the bullying especially if the bully is a good football player. My son's friend had to have stitches in his head after an incident on the bus with a bully.

I know from experience that it is harder to learn when you have anxiety about your safety. I went to a school where there were a lot of fights. I often worried about getting to my next class safely. One boy got shot and killed my senior year of high school. Because of the anxiety, I didn't learn much at school. I learned more at home where I felt safe. College was different. I felt safe there. Because of my experiences and those of his friends, I would feel a lot of anxiety about sending my son to a school where he would not only not receive an appropriate education, but would need to worry about his safety. I hope that we can homeschool through high school.

I also want to protect his mental health as much as possible. I don't want him spending a lot of time in an atmosphere where both teachers and students would make him feel even more different than he already feels. I also don't want him loaded down with homework and busywork after a long day of school that would take time away from learning the things he is interested in and doing things that make him feel good about himself like musical theater, piano, circuitry class, horse riding class, and 4-H and maybe some kind of martial arts in the future. We can make our private jokes about the school that feels coloring in the lines is so educational because he doesn't have to deal with that any more.

He is safe and learning in the way he learns best.

What a shame. I don't have personal experience with this, but it is a concern, in general. I have to say, though, that there is much more emphasis on "no bullying" programs beginning in elementary schools and I think that's great. However, I also think that there will always be bullies and mean kids. While my kid is not perfect and has encountered people that he doesn't like or whatever, he's not malicious. He'd just as soon leave someone he dislikes alone instead of purposely instigating/antagonizing.

Gosh, what a stressful environment. I think the worst I ever saw in school was a regular old fight in the lunchroom - a few punches were thrown before it was broken up. Definitely mild by comparison to things that occur today.

I hate homework.

Sorry if my post came off as snippy- I didn't intend to be hostile. I can see on re-reading that it could look that way.

Homeschoolers can interact with other kids at homeschool group events, on academic teams, playing sports, scouting, at a house of worship and all sorts of structured and unstructured activities. Institutional school is not the only way to skin that cat!

best wishes-

And often homeschooled kids get social situations tailored to stretch them in just the ways they need at just the time they need them. It's one of the benefits of an individualized education.

To anyone who is not homeschooling, it might help if you understand that "socialization" is called "The S-Word" by homeschoolers because that's the first thing everyone who isn't homeschooling asks us. As if we sit at home alone all day, every day... Um, no! Not how it works!

I prefer to call us "carschoolers" rather than homeschoolers because we're so rarely home. Plenty of time in the real world, sadly!

LOL, that sounds like us! We are at home for 3-4 hours in the mornings doing formal schooling, then the rest of every day we run around like crazy. Between baseball, karate, the G&T pull out class ds just started, homeschool coop classes and field trips, outside classes at the science museum, art lessons, etc, we are hardly ever at home.

The safety issue was not a major factor for us, but is a nice side benefit. We homeschool primarily because the schools in our area were not prepared to deal with a child working 2-3 grade levels ahead and when the local Montessori school closed we were left with very few options. Fortunately I was able to leave my full time job and only work part time so I could homeschool him.

We are homeschooling not because of a safety issue but the same reason why many on here are....they just had no clue how to best reach DS6 who was several grade levels ahead. Love the term "carschoolers" because that sure is us! I have a special planner just for DS that has all of his schedule written in - his months are packed and he loves it that way :-) ...between going to Science Museum classes, co-ops, special community projects, field trips..you name it, he does it :-)