Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy disturbing teacher conversation - help!

Our ds9 is newly enrolled (8 days!)in a school geared for highly capable students. He has very poor handwriting, but is quite articulate via the keyboard.

His main teacher also teaches the humanities courses. He has denied letting our son use the keyboard to compose (refused credit for work done on the computer) and yesterday indicated that he didn't "have to do any accomodation because they (the school) don't accept federal funding" and "if a child has a (LD) they don't (sic) belong here as this is a highly capable school"

Help! Our son has already completely tuned this teacher out and this man seems seriously angry. We got a 2 page email yesterday threatening ds with non passing grades for the midterm... and he's been there 8!!!! days!

I have written all his other teachers to see how he's doing in all other areas of the school, and 3 have responded so far with "he's somewhat distracted but doing fine"

What can I do????? I am just sick.

Have you requested a meeting with the principal or someone else in a similiar admin role (GT coordinator-do they have those at a school for gifted kids?)? This sounds like something beyond which you can deal with directly with the teacher.

The ADA still applies to schools that don't receive federal funding, the exception being religious schools.

Is there any way you can change teachers? Does your son have an LD diagnosis? Can you talk to the administration about how 2E students are accommodated?

Is the work in question in-class work or homework?

I second the meeting with the principal would forward the email as well. I would say something along the lines that you have received this email, are very concerned and are requesting a meeting to discuss the situation. I would also ask if they have a policy on accomodations. Even if they don't accept funds they might have one.

thanks all. I am still just stunned at the virulence of this teacher's response.

There may be SOME understanding where this is coming from, as DS in an astoundingly lack of good judgement (not unusual in him - he can be oblivious) on their FIRST didn't clue in that it was a geography AND spelling test, and had a "cheat sheet" of locations in his lap. They weren't even all spelled correctly. I also wasn't aware that it was supposed to be a spelling test as we hadn't received ANYTHING from the teacher, and I believe my genuinely honest boy. The teacher didn't even ask for an explanation, just judged him guilty and now sees him as a cheat and can't seem to move beyond it. I had to contact the teacher to discuss the charge, as he wasn't going to contact me.

Ds does not have an "official" LD diagnosis - he was tested last month and has a PRI of 83 - the assessor recommended an OT eval (long story why this hasn't happened earlier in his life) and we are on the way to getting that done.

computer use is for ALL work, as "Further, as I stated, I cannot monitor his growth in spelling, grammar or punctuation, given his use of electronic tools for correction. N needs to meet the standards that are normative for the class and that form the basis of assessment"

He didn't even ask if ds had USED electronic correction tools - just assumed. He hadn't.

"He must write in his own hand both in class and on homework to receive credit for assigned tasks."


I'm trying to work through the principal thing - there is no other teacher for 4th grade.

The teacher's comment re: LD does seem quite rotten to me.

Regarding the self-described "cheat sheet" though, how would it have been any less of a cheat if the test were only about geography and not about spelling?

This is precisely why I jumped all over our son for a seemingly innocuous cheat last year. "Lie=Cheat=Steal" was the topic of our conversation that whole afternoon. And I also explained to him that were he ever labeled a "cheater," it would be pretty darned tough to undo.

It sounds like this cheating incident may have really upset his teacher, and should probably be resolved before pressing for any accommodations.

[quote=Dandy
Regarding the self-described "cheat sheet" though, how would it have been any less of a cheat if the test were only about geography and not about spelling? [/quote]

No difference - it was the process of trying to figure out why he did it that was lacking. I would think a real teacher would say "now, what was going through your head? What were you thinking when you did that" But there was none of that - just a severe written note left on the test for ds to independently show to us. Which he didn't try to hide.

And I agree, no use working on accomodation when a child is alreadly labeled. So, what do you do? Does a 9 year olds truly poor judgement on the first classroom test he's had in almost 2 years mean he is forever and ever that judgement? Perhaps in the eyes of this guy... *sigh*

In our son's case, he got caught (by me) grading his own test. He gave himself a "pass" on a very minor penmanship issue that any other student would have marked wrong. The grade wasn't affected at all -- it was strictly the principle.

I made him explain to his teacher what he did wrong & why. He also had to take a zero for that test.

The teacher reacts to cheating quite harshly and I think it helped immeasurably for me to react swiftly to resolve this. I made zero effort to explain the reasoning behind his decision (which wasn't really that "reasonable") as I did not want the teacher to sense any attempt on my part to diminish my son's actions.

Perhaps approaching your son's teacher with something like, "I can not believe he did this -- this is totally unacceptable to us. I'm not sure how best to punish him, do you have any suggestions? I don't want him to walk away from this experience thinking that cheating is not a big deal!"

Say/do something that makes it clear to the teacher that you are on his side, not your son's, regarding the cheat.

Teachers these days hear nothing but a litany of excuses that parents make on behalf of their kids... and/or deal with parental denial ("Oh no! My little Johnny would never do such-and-such.") So it must be refreshing for a parent to stand with the teacher in the face of a disciplinary issue.

And lastly, I required my son to write a lengthy note of apology to his teacher... and he was not allowed to use the computer, either.

good points, Dandy - thank you

We have an absolute zero tolerance for cheating of any kind in our house too.

I guess it's just the vehemence of the continued interaction that has got me puzzled - ds didn't write a note of apology, and although there wasn't a chance for discussion, the incident was acknowledged and the teacher said "fresh start, ok?" But it doesn't seem like there is a fresh start on his part.

How wise you are Dandy. This is so true! Working in public schools as a social worker I have heard it all...and I have to say it makes me really think on how to approach teachers because they really do get beat up for everything. A lot of my job has to do with intervening between parents and teachers when there are communication issues and misunderstandings. Granted, there are some bad teachers out there...but a lot has to with miscommunication. Teachers have had to deal with such criticism that yes it does make them defensive and somewhat abrupt at times. I figure my child is with this person most of the day, it's best to have the best relationship that we possibly can.


Hope that the teacher is able to let go and move past it...but unfortunately it sounds like both the teacher and your DS are kind of at standstill. DS upset because teacher isn't moving on and teacher is upset because DS is not cooperating with what he wants him to. I think they are both going to have to give a little.